Funny Stories About Sex Gone Wrong

[shoupja]

My favorite place and position is standing doggie style in the shower. A few years ago, we lived in a house that had a really small shower. My husband is a pretty big guy so he took up most of the shower just standing in there, but we had to try it anyway.

I turned around, bent over and we finally found a fit that would work for our cramped quarters, and he starts going at it. When he's pushing me forward, my head is banging into the plastic door that is right in front of me and it's making this VERY annoying and distracting noise. When I put my hands up to brace myself against the door, there wasn't enough room for any type of thrusting so I go back to my original position. Then I decided (without telling him) to move my upper body over a bit to get away from the door. As I moved, he thrusted and it sent my forehead slamming right into the tile wall in front of me. Holy crap did that hurt!

It's funny now because when I look back on that moment I swear it was like we had read a manual on how to do it in the shower and it was all awkward and uncomfortable and then BAMO I hit my head. I had a nice reminder of our horrible endeavor for the next week. I had a HUGE knot on my forehead that went into my hairline and every time I brushed/washed my hair I was reminded of that really awkward moment where my husband nearly knocked me out!

[EMO]

One time me and my SO was going at it in the shower, and some how I grabbed the shower curtain, and the rod feel down and hit me in the head, and almost knocked me out. We laughed so hard, but still was able to finish the bang.

[mudshark]

Wife and I used to live in Brooklyn. We were coming home one night and she was feeling pretty frisky. Odd thing was we were within blocks of home. But, she had a few drinks and the appeal of getting it on in public was in the plan for her. So, we were coming to a stop sign at Flatbush Ave, (a very busy thoroughfare) and she's getting naked and starting to undo my pants. She's got her hand around my shaft when the car behind me bangs into me. Now, if I get out, my pants that are pulled slightly down and unzipped with the belt undone, would be a dead giveaway, especially if he were to be able to see my topless wife. Somehow, I managed to get my pants sufficently intact in record time. I went out, saw no damage and told him to be careful! Ha, we're behaving like two horny teens and I'm telling him to be careful. FYI, we wound up getting it on in a legal parking place on a side street...

[Shariana]

My SO and I were having a particularly heated night where we work over the summer.

It was past midnight, so all campers and counselors were SUPPOSED to be in bed..... I sleep WAY far away from everyone, so I figured I could be a little loud..... all of a sudden, I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

A counselor had gotten a spider bite and it was crazy swollen. He looked at me all wide eyed..... I had hair tossled and was in just a bathrobe.... I know he knew, but he was really cool about it.... took no time for my SO and I to get back in the mood..... lol

[mailahn97]

Mine was kind of an after affect. We were having a nice time in a long hot bubble bath together in a roman tub at the room we were staying in. We go to get out so we can head back to bed. He had gotten out and was all dried off. I was sitting on the edge drying off when all of a sudden I slipped back into the tub.

It was no little slip. I fell hit my head on the faucet, my shoulder on the side and right flat on my back into the tub. He came running. I was hurting to say the least. Thankfully I was just bruised and nothing else.

Now thankfully we can laugh about it and joke. When we stayed there again he joked and reminded me to not fall in the tub again. What a sweetie...lol

[Sunday]

Mine was with my ex-wife. We were in a hotel bed, the kind where the headboard is attached to the wall. She was on her back with her arms up over her head. In the throes of passion she pulled so hard on the headboard that it came down on the back of my head. I guess that's why they call it the headboard???

Another time we were in a hotel going at it and the mirror on the dresser across the room was rocking and reflecting light up and down the wall. Afterward she said, "Damn, you were pounding me so hard it was rocking the dresser clear across the room!" We looked at the dresser and it was STILL rocking. It wasn't our sexual escapade that was making it move, it was the couple next door. I like to think we inspired them.

[sass]

We just had this one happen the other night. After a long day of driving, we opted to splurge a little and got a hotel room was a Jacuzzi tub. Hot water jets, bubbles, tired horny people - so many ways this could turn into something ... dangerous... but no, all was great in the tub.

However, we did get plenty hot and bothered and were later in bed getting a bit kinky. He decided he wanted to cum on my face. OK, I am game for such fun, so he pulls out and moves up toward my head, he half-kneels half-stands, stokes a couple of times then explodes. I am enjoying every aspect of the moment when he spasms violently and his head connects hard with the wall above the headboard. He nearly knocked himself out but he was also still shaking through an incredible orgasm and could only moan and grab his head - one on his shoulders.

After I realized he did not knock himself unconscious and would be OK, the first thing I thought of was this thread!

[raunchy_ricky]

Naughty naughty stories!!

Once getting kinky in an elavator... boobs and willy pop out... DING... there goes the door... EMBARASSING!

[Sunday]

My wife and i were finally getting around to joining the mile-high club. Around here you have to get up to 6500 feet to actually be a mile above the ground. We were flying a little Cessna 172 and fooling around for the ten minutes or so it would take to get up to that altitude. Pretty soon she was going down on me ( "warming me up" she said) and the back of her head was right against the control yoke. I couldn't keep the yoke pulled back enough to keep gaining altitude fast with her there, but how do you tell a girl to get off of your dick? I kept pulling on the yoke, which pushed her head onto me farther so that she thought I was really into it and wanted it more and harder. Pretty soon she got me off, but we were only at about 5000 feet, so we were going to have to do it again another night (darn!). Never got around to it though.

[Craftylady]

We were just beginning to get to it, and I rolled over from being partially on top of him while we played and smooched, to flat on my back on the bed. He then rolled on top of me.

I felt this funny sort of poking sting right between my shoulder blades and for a second I thought "What the heck? We must have a splinter caught in the sheets somehow!" but within seconds, the little sting began to burn fiercely and suddenly I was in pain!

I pushed him off, yelling "OW OW OW!!!! Something is stinging me on my back!"

And sure enough, a yellowjacket had been there on the mattress, between the sheets apparently, and I rolled over right on top of it.

We still laugh about that. My husband said the look of shock on my face was priceless. I'm sure it was.

Wasn't funny at the time though - boy that hurt!

[zimmersdreamer]

my first attempt at sex was in the back seat of my honda. let me paint a little picture...small honda accord, me, 5 10 and over weight. him 6 3 and skinny. We had NO clue what we were doing what went where and to top it off one of us was hitting our head every min or so. I was too wide for him to get a good balance with his knees and it ended with each taking turns giving oral. It took us 8 years(we both moved away that summer) before we got it right, but let me tell you it is definatly RIGHT

we have had our turns at laughing about it and he now drives a truck! there is never a problem with back seats any more

[elise]

My HB and I were driving to a conference he was attending for his job, which was about 5 hours away. We like to spice these road trips up (5 hours of Interstate driving is damnably dull), so on this occasion I was wearing fuck-me lingerie under my skirt-suit, and once we hit cruising speed I started talking naughty to him, playing with the hem of my skirt and "accidentally" flashing my garters and stockings at him, that sort of thing.

After about 3 hours of that he was getting pretty hot and bothered, so HB decided to get some revenge. He pulled into a rest stop and parked far away from the other cars, then fetched a couple of items from our "fun bag" in the back seat. Despite my protests, and with much giggling and tussling, he soon had me kneeling on the seat with my skirt pushed up to my waist, my panties wadded up on the floor, a butt-plug firmly planted in my ass, and a hands-free vibrator strapped to my pussy. He yanked my skirt back down and told me to buckle up, and we were soon back on the freeway.

HB held the vibrator controller and, starting on low power, over the next hour or so slowly teased and tortured me into a frenzy. I made sure he had his share of discomfort, too, stroking his hard-on through his trousers.

Anyway, we were both getting awfully excited and looking for an exit off the interstate when my HB says, "Oh, shit!". He'd lost concentration and we were being pulled over for speeding! By this time my skirt was up to my hips and my blouse half-unbuttoned with one breast completely out, so as HB pulled over I'm frantically trying to tuck my breast back into my bra and tug my skirt down without undoing my seatbelt. Oh, and in the process the remote-control for the vibrator fell between the seats, and when in doing so switched the speed selector to "HIGH". OMG!!

The state trooper leaned down and looked in the window just as I (barely) successfully tugged my skirt down far enough to cover my garters, but clearly the expression on my face was unusual. Ignoring my husband, he looked at me and asked, "Are you all right, ma'am?" At which point I lost it and CAME. I tried to cover it up by pretending to be having a coughing fit, but I'm not sure it was very convincing. The trooper smiled at me, clearly aware of what was happening. I'm sure the big, fat vibrator wire running up under my skirt was what could be considered a "clue". He told my husband to slow down, advised me to "take care of that cough, ma'am", then wished us a nice day. We found an exit about a mile ahead, tumbled into the back seat like a pair of horny teenagers, and set a new record for the fastest fully-clothed fuck of all time.

True story. My HB tells his friends that he likes taking me on road trips because I know just what to do to get him out of a speeding ticket.

[square]

The other night my wife started out giving me a BJ. After a bit I told her to rest her head on my belly, with pecker still in her mouth, and get comfortable as if going off to sleep. It felt nice and relaxing. My pecker got even harder. My hips started to gyrate ever so slightly, then a little more, in and out, in and out, then a little more.

All of a sudden she starts to make gagging and gurgling noises, almost wretching. She bolts up choking and coughing. Went a little too far in the "in" stroke.

Ruined the moment, but we both kept laughing the rest of the night about it.

[Tyger]

This happened with one of my exes, whom I'm still close too.

We were starting our, um, "session", when all of a sudden, he leapt up, screeching like a little girl. At the foot of the bed, was my husky/shephard mix, with her head cocked to the side, big "doggie grin" on her face. All my ex could say was "Cold nose, balls".

[Lisa's Man]

I once received a BJ from a girl I was dating and somehow, the angle was all wrong. The BJ itself was awesome but when I came in her mouth, somehow, it hit her sinus cavity and ran back out her nose. Not funny at the moment, but we laughed about it for months after.