What's My Problem?

[cnoelc]

So, this is embarrassing, but I didn't know where else to ask and it's becoming an issue.

While I thoroughly enjoy performing oral sex, I hate having it done to me. It's very frustrating to my husband, because he insists he likes doing it, but I just stop him because I figure it's kind of pointless if I'm not into it and it really kills the mood for me.

What's my deal? Any suggestions?

[DADT]

So, this is embarrassing, but I didn't know where else to ask and it's becoming an issue.

While I thoroughly enjoy performing oral sex, I hate having it done to me. It's very frustrating to my husband, because he insists he likes doing it, but I just stop him because I figure it's kind of pointless if I'm not into it and it really kills the mood for me.

What's my deal? Any suggestions?

Explain what you don't like about it? Are you self-conscious about having a man's tongue in such an intimate place? Or does it just not feel right? Forgive me for asking, do you masturbate? What do you do when you are alone that your hubby could try to replicate.

Do you want to know why it is a problem for him? Arousing you arouses him. You know that right? He's not doing you a favor. He wants to enjoy you as if you were an exotic fruit he can't get enough of. If you can find a way to make this mutually enjoyable for both of you, your sexual connection (and your emotional one) with be strengthen immeasurably.

[Tyger]

While not every sexual behavior is 'for' everyone, receiving oral sex is a fairly normative and enjoyable activity for most people. I would have several question for you, such as: has it always been this way? Have you enjoyed it with other lovers? What was your first experience of it like? You can see what I'm driving at: since receiving oral sex for the majority of folks is a good thing, is there some particular reason (even one you may not be aware of) that is inhibiting your enjoyment of it?

(Sorry, it's the therapist in me.)

iha brought up some great questions, and I'll be interested to see the poster's answers. With those, we'll be able to give better advise.

[pappyld04]

Welcome to the forum! Could you possibly be associating this with a bodily function? Is there a religious based problem here? I see that you enjoy performing for him but maybe a little more info could help pinpoint what is going on!

[Guest eminatic]

i know how you feel....i hate receiving oral. it either hurts or feels like nothing. and then i either get bored or feel pressured to act like i like it, or feel guilty when i get caught not enjoying it. i think its pretty normal and some people just plain don't like it.

[complete abandon]

Maybe too self-conscious to let yourself relax and just enjoy the sensation? Dialogue in your head the whole time worrying about if he is really grossed out while down there? You have to let go of everything. Just as you enjoy giving it, you have to allow that he really enjoys giving to you, and give yourself permission to relax and enjoy it.

[shoupja]

i know how you feel....i hate receiving oral. it either hurts or feels like nothing. and then i either get bored or feel pressured to act like i like it, or feel guilty when i get caught not enjoying it. i think its pretty normal and some people just plain don't like it.

If it hurts, then your partner might be too rough. If you watch any porn flick, the girls in that movie can stand and awful lot of aggressive licking/fingering. I had to explain to DH that not every woman is built that way. I am very sensitive down there. VERY sensitive. The clitoris is homologous to the penis, so maybe a little sucking is in order for those women who don't seem to enjoy receiving oral sex, as long as it isn't a psychological issue.

Those moves that you may see in the movies are a MAJOR turn off for me, but when DH does it the way I taught him, I'm like a volcano going off. He does start out using his tongue, but he only licks up and very gently. If he does it up and down, it's nap time for me. I taught him to use his soft lips to suck very gently, and then sometimes let my clit slide out of the soft grip of his lips. When he's really got me going he just keeps going in and grabbing it gently with his lips and then letting it slide out again and again. If he adds some sucking noises in there I can feel the vibration and then it's just all over but the crying.

I hope that helps. I know this technique rocks my world. Prior to this way, I could do without it.

[Guest eminatic]

lol, i can't even stand LOOKING at oral in porn. it looks SO painful and the guy always looks like some clumsy blundering fool who has no idea what he's doing. (and sadly alot of men use this as their guide ) the thing is, if it doesnt hurt, it feels like NOTHING. i can't feel anything at all.

[ladylove]

Welcome to the forum dansgirl.

A little bit ago there was a topic on the board about first time oral giving and getting. It seems most women didn't love it at first, either they were uncomfortable, couldn't relax, body image stuff, had a partner who didn't know what they were doing, several different reasons. I myself could not relax and enjoy oral until my mid 30's. If any of the above are the culprit why and you want to learn to enjoy oral, there are steps to take to help yourself. It may be possible your SO isn't quit the expert, take a look at the link below. It was given to us by our sex expert Mikayla.

oral sex tips you'll love

If you think it's about your issues, let us know and we'll give you some suggestions to help. I't will be interesting to read you answers to iha questions.

[Sunday]

lol, i can't even stand LOOKING at oral in porn. it looks SO painful and the guy always looks like some clumsy blundering fool who has no idea what he's doing. (and sadly alot of men use this as their guide ) the thing is, if it doesnt hurt, it feels like NOTHING. i can't feel anything at all.

I've never known a woman who likes getting oral the way the do it in the movies. I don't like watching it either. It's gross, not loving at all, and it looks like it could be painful. The majority of women who have told me what they want don't want their clit touched at all until they've started getting into it.

[DADT]

Gentleman, never, ever, never, ever, use porn as a roll model for doing whoopi of any kind. You "abuse" pussy like they do in the skin flix, you will get your ass kicked and your balls handed to you. That's no way to start the week. Once you have the green light to go down to the Promised Land, use gentle finger tips & the soft tip of the tongue until she makes it clear that she wants to go from a gentle waltz to an up-tempo salsa and maybe a full-on tango.

[ladylove]

Gentleman, never, ever, never, ever, use porn as a roll model for doing whoopi of any kind. You "abuse" pussy like they do in the skin flix, you will get your ass kicked and your balls handed to you. That's no way to start the week. Once you have the green light to go down to the Promised Land, use gentle finger tips & the soft tip of the tongue until she makes it clear that she wants to go from a gentle waltz to an up-tempo salsa and maybe a full-on tango.

Great Advice DADT!

[DADT]

Great Advice DADT!

See I pay attention to everything you tell me.

[ladylove]

See I pay attention to everything you tell me.

good man...

[shoupja]

Gentleman, never, ever, never, ever, use porn as a roll model for doing whoopi of any kind. You "abuse" pussy like they do in the skin flix, you will get your ass kicked and your balls handed to you. That's no way to start the week. Once you have the green light to go down to the Promised Land, use gentle finger tips & the soft tip of the tongue until she makes it clear that she wants to go from a gentle waltz to an up-tempo salsa and maybe a full-on tango.

OMG did that make me laugh and it is SO true. They really do abuse the pussy. Unless you have an very solid and established relationship with your mate, and the "abuse" has been previously approved by the committee, you can just forget it. Trying something new like that when she's not expecting it may just cause you to walk away crying.

[Tyger]

DADT, you crack me up!!! But, with your wit, there's a lot of wisdom. I can honestly say, that, even though I like rough sex at times, if my hubby ever slapped my pussy the way I've seen on porns, I'd hand him his dick.......in my teeth!

[DADT]

OMG did that make me laugh and it is SO true. They really do abuse the pussy. Unless you have an very solid and established relationship with your mate, and the "abuse" has been previously approved by the committee, you can just forget it. Trying something new like that when she's not expecting it may just cause you to walk away crying.

I actually find it offensive. I think most men do. Its definitely not a turn on. I've seen car mechanics yank engine blocks with more sensitivity. Just once I'd like to see one of the Air-Bag-Chested-Princesses scream "Cut the shit, Looser. You aren't stuffing a turkey. You're supposed to be driving me wild with pleasure. You get paid to be this useless? Fucking treat me like a human being, Jerk." What? It could happen.

We aren't really solving dansgirl's problem though. I've met women who were indifferent to oral, but that was because they did not receive enough foreplay. But dansgirl says she hates it. I don't know. Maybe he's biting her or something.

[Shariana]

Gentleman, never, ever, never, ever, use porn as a roll model for doing whoopi of any kind. You "abuse" pussy like they do in the skin flix, you will get your ass kicked and your balls handed to you. That's no way to start the week. Once you have the green light to go down to the Promised Land, use gentle finger tips & the soft tip of the tongue until she makes it clear that she wants to go from a gentle waltz to an up-tempo salsa and maybe a full-on tango.

LOVE the dance analogy there!

But yes, PERFECT description! Exactly how I feel about the whole deal too! ^.^

[shoupja]

I hope the OP comes back and can figure out what it is that's going wrong. We'd love to help you OP, but you have to answer a few questions in order to get answers.

Here's a hint since you said that this is embarrassing: Would you rather be embarrassed here with a room full of hidden strangers, or be embarrassed/awkward/uncomfortable in bed? It's actually a bit easier to talk here because you can let your guard down and you're not as vulnerable. Some of us are just very comfortable talking sex talk, and we'd love to help you.

Please don't feel embarrassed by not knowing/liking something. Not everything about sex is for everyone.

[cnoelc]

Sorry it took so long to check back in. I have relatives in town staying at my house...

You probably won't believe this, but my husband was actually my "first" ANYTHING. I was 25. But, it wasn't at all reserved once I decided to go for it and actually have sex. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I saw it as making up for lots and lots of lost time, and I ran the poor guy ragged I just wanted to try everything and was up for pretty much anything.

I can't pinpoint what it is. I love sex. Masturbation feels great. Oral sex (on me) just doesn't really feel good. It's more awkward feeling than anything. I'm definitely not in love with my body and am a little self-conscious, but not so much that I think it would make me hate this so much. I'm totally fine with doing it to him (I love it, in fact). But, I just cringe when he wants to do it to me.

Anyway, I'm going to finish reading through responses, and will check back in. Thanks for all the advice!

[mystofpric]

Sorry it took so long to check back in. I have relatives in town staying at my house...

You probably won't believe this, but my husband was actually my "first" ANYTHING. I was 25. But, it wasn't at all reserved once I decided to go for it and actually have sex. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I saw it as making up for lots and lots of lost time, and I ran the poor guy ragged I just wanted to try everything and was up for pretty much anything.

I can't pinpoint what it is. I love sex. Masturbation feels great. Oral sex (on me) just doesn't really feel good. It's more awkward feeling than anything. I'm definitely not in love with my body and am a little self-conscious, but not so much that I think it would make me hate this so much. I'm totally fine with doing it to him (I love it, in fact). But, I just cringe when he wants to do it to me.

Anyway, I'm going to finish reading through responses, and will check back in. Thanks for all the advice!

Hi hun! So here's what I'm thinking: your thinking WAY too much during oral. Don't take that as an insult or anything because I promise its not. Recieving oral is a tough thing, I mean our naughty bits are in side, yes no? (the clit is something magical and wonderful all of it's own). So you have smells (that you can't readily control, i mean you cant perfume up there or anything) and tastes (see above), discharge ( other than cum), plus hair (to shave or not to shave? that is the question) and sweat (guy have that too) on top of all of this you have your normal body issues. So is it a hard thing to enjoy coming at it from a purely thought based perspective? Hells yes.

Now how do you get past this? Well I would recommend realizing that the vagina is a wonderful SELF CLEANING bady part. So unless your in the habit of sticking dirty smelly things up there, your not only clean but guys like the natural clean musky scent that you have! Now I can't tell you how to over come the taste concern, except believe your guy when he tells you your yummy! Why would he lie about that? Hair, I always say if your not a fan of shaving, or not ready for that step trim. Other wise shave or the sake of oral, that might also help with cleanliness issues. And now for the toughie: body issues, if you figure that one out please share your secret. Now, your managing your issues but still leery? Let you rHubby go down for "controled visits". He's not down there for the full show just a preview, kissing your inner thighs such, maybe being down there close when he's prehaps fingering you? Just down there to say hello and make friends, then back up to you, the real start of the show!

[DADT]

Sorry it took so long to check back in. I have relatives in town staying at my house...

You probably won't believe this, but my husband was actually my "first" ANYTHING. I was 25. But, it wasn't at all reserved once I decided to go for it and actually have sex. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I saw it as making up for lots and lots of lost time, and I ran the poor guy ragged I just wanted to try everything and was up for pretty much anything.

I can't pinpoint what it is. I love sex. Masturbation feels great. Oral sex (on me) just doesn't really feel good. It's more awkward feeling than anything. I'm definitely not in love with my body and am a little self-conscious, but not so much that I think it would make me hate this so much. I'm totally fine with doing it to him (I love it, in fact). But, I just cringe when he wants to do it to me.

Anyway, I'm going to finish reading through responses, and will check back in. Thanks for all the advice!

How aroused are you when his tongue first makes contact? Is he spending lots of time stroking and caressing just about everywhere else before he touches your love button. If he is going in on a cold one then it is not surprising you aren't excited about being licked.

[ladylove]

It sounds like you just need to relax and enjoy the feeling.

How about for some time you keep the lights off during oral, that way you don't have to worry about all the body issue stuff, and then you may be able to concentrate on the feeling, but have loads of 4play first so you raring to go. Second, use a position you are most comfortable with. Third, have your partner use a light vibe on you during oral, I don't know anyone that could not orgasm with both stimulations. If you don't have a clit vibe check the link below.

Clit Stimulators

If you don't succeed the first time 'Try, Try again' the reward is like non other.

[shoupja]

I think the fact that the OP can enjoy masturbation is a good sign. OP you don't have to answer these questions to us, but think about them and maybe you and your husband can find a way.

When you masturbate, how do you like it? Slow and soft? Fast but gentle? Or are you nearly literally trying to double-click your mouse? When you realize how you like it when you masturbate then see if you can show your man how to do something similar. If I pay attention to what's going on down there when I'm having alone time, I do like it gentle which would make sense why I like the technique I mentioned earlier way up there.

I agree with SuzyP on everything. First, if you are worried about what your man thinks while he's down there, just throw those worries away. If he keeps going back for repeat performances day after day, then he does enjoy being down there. If he didn't like the shave job/smell/taste then he wouldn't keep going back for more. If you've ever given oral to someone who's not-so-clean you know exactly what I'm talking about. Your man does it because he enjoys it, and he's hoping that you can REALLY enjoy it too.

Second, you probably are thinking too much. This was a fault of mine for a long time also. Once I let go of all the garbage up there, HOLY HELL was oral sex amazing. Honestly if God said "Miss Bunny as your punishment I will take away penetration or oral - you decide." I would get rid of penetration. I would miss it horribly, but that would still be my choice. I LOVE ORAL - CAN'T GET ENOUGH!

Instead of worrying about what your man might be thinking, why not try a little visual stimulation? Have you seen a girl getting it in a movie and thought "wow she really enjoys that" or "wow that guy/girl is giving it to her pretty good"? If you've seen someone getting oral and thought that it was a beautiful scene then maybe you should capture that scene in your memory and play it back in your head while your man is working down there. I know if I'm stressed I have a difficult time enjoying it, but if I play back a movie in my head all the stress just melts away.

Good luck with all the advice you've given and just remember to relax!