My Inconsiderate Girlfriend

[lost]

I have this beautiful girlfriend whom I absoultely love.

I would do anything for her.

Now, the problem.

Sure, everybody has problems, downsides, whatever.

But this one drives me absoultely crazy!

She has this "inconsiderate" problem. Or "Rude" Or "down right wrong!"

When she is under stress, she disappears.

Well, no phone calls, not answering my phone calls, not even returning calls for a couple of days.

She's been doing this almost every single weekend to me now.

It's that time of the month. She doesn't feel like talking to anybody.

No answer, not returning calls. Until .. she feels better.

We had dinner date. But, she got sick. She got tired. or whatever.

no phone calls, no answer, not returning my calls.

Past weekend, we were to go out for dinner on Friday.

On thurs night, while she was out with friends, she tripped over and hurt her leg. Bringing her extream pain, she ended up staying in bed whole weekend.

Well, what did I get? No phone calls. I called 4 times and left 2 messages on Friday. Nothing. Nothing on Sat. Nothing on Sun.

Monday morning, she calls.

I was ready to break up with her.

No consideration? no respect? what's the point of the relationship? Right?

I just went out for coffee with her for like 15 min., seeing her in extream pain (still!) I couldn't really say anything.

I am to see her tonight after work .. maybe we will go out for light exercise together or something.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Should I even talk about it?

Should I break up with her?

Once again ... I love everything about this girl ... except ... "inconsideration"

[curvacious_lust]

You're a sure "booty call".....Show some guts and tell her to take a hike!! Like Howard said, there are plenty of those kind of women around and you don't need it.

[Majikal1236]

I have this beautiful girlfriend whom I absoultely love.

I would do anything for her.

Now, the problem.

Sure, everybody has problems, downsides, whatever.

But this one drives me absoultely crazy!

She has this "inconsiderate" problem. Or "Rude" Or "down right wrong!"

When she is under stress, she disappears.

Well, no phone calls, not answering my phone calls, not even returning calls for a couple of days.

She's been doing this almost every single weekend to me now.

It's that time of the month. She doesn't feel like talking to anybody.

No answer, not returning calls. Until .. she feels better.

We had dinner date. But, she got sick. She got tired. or whatever.

no phone calls, no answer, not returning my calls.

Past weekend, we were to go out for dinner on Friday.

On thurs night, while she was out with friends, she tripped over and hurt her leg. Bringing her extream pain, she ended up staying in bed whole weekend.

Well, what did I get? No phone calls. I called 4 times and left 2 messages on Friday. Nothing. Nothing on Sat. Nothing on Sun.

Monday morning, she calls.

I was ready to break up with her.

No consideration? no respect? what's the point of the relationship? Right?

I just went out for coffee with her for like 15 min., seeing her in extream pain (still!) I couldn't really say anything.

I am to see her tonight after work .. maybe we will go out for light exercise together or something.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Should I even talk about it?

Should I break up with her?

Once again ... I love everything about this girl ... except ... "inconsideration"

Ummmm, I noticed that you said this is a recurring thing on the weekends ?? How long have you been dating or seeing each other? Have you ever been to HER home? If not, I would be very cautious about there being a husband or significant other in the picture.

You did not specify, so I was just curious

[Mikayla1]

I agree with all the other posters...this does not sound like a relationship, this sounds like a "I want you when I want you-ship" and surprisingly enough, it is the WOMAN who is doing it, not the man. This kind of insensitivity has not been uncommon coming from the man's side towards women, but this woman certainly is not giving you what you deserve here. I will give you the same advice I would give any of my female friends who have gone through this with their exs - GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!

She obviously does not value you - your "relationship" - or your friendship. You don't need it, or her. Run, run away fast!

Mikayla

[kristine]

Get away fast! You can do a lot better. The disappearances are a big RED flag. Danger!

[nosleepnmesa]

I have to say I agree with all the other post here. I was in a relationship similair to this years ago, but the table was turned.Hard to believe I am sure heck I think he had pms more then I did. All I was , was a doormat, booty call, ect. Let me tell you it doesnt change it can only get worse well at least mine did, if he wanted something like a blowjob or dinner ect I would get a call.

I would say that try to talk to her and let her know what the problem is and how it is making you feel ect, but dont be to surprised if she trys to turn the table and make it all out to be your fault some how. The decision of course is yours but I have to tell you that in my case it only got worse and the times I saw him got bigger and bigger apart, unless of course it was when he wanted it.People dont deserve to be treated doormats ect. There are alot of women out there like this and from the sounds of it you would be better off without her.

Good luck and keep us posted

[hrnychick]

Lost,

Yes yet another telling you somethings just isnt right here. You said she does this every weekend.......sounds a bit fishy. Like the others have said maybe she has someone else......or maybe she isnt even home when you call......whatever her reasons claim to be I dont think anyone male or female should or has to put up with such treatment.

What if you were to do that to her? Im sure you would be getting an ear full and she would be telling you shape up or ship out. Like you said this happens a lot and there is just no excuse for that. Sounds like you are a very nice guy and you try to treat the girl right so what your getting is return is unfair to you......so move on and find someone who would love to go out to dinner someone who cant wait to see you no matter if she has her period or whatever.

She maybe just like Howard said and just uses guys. How did you two meet? How long have you been together? Do you sit home and wait for her to return your calls or do you go out and do other things? Maybe she gets a kick out of knowing that you are sitting by the phone and that everything you do depends on her....so if you call one time and get no answer and dont call back....( i know easier said then done) she will see you arent going to put up with this shit from her.

Hope it works out for you.......keep us posted

[sexykitty]

Lost,

First let me say Welcome to you and glad that you are posting here. Now as for your topic.....If I were you I would have a good talk with your gal and see what is going on. Maybe its like that book "He just isnt in to you" but instead of the he this time its a she.......Seems like you are way into being with her and she just doesnt have the same feelings or she would return your calls no matter what not just when SHE is ready to.

Men have done this to women forever.......and if It ever happend you any of you gals out there you know what I am talking about.........they say they will call and then dont.........they get off knowing that youre sitting at home by the phone waiting for them to throw you a bone and grace you with a call from them.......this has happend to me but back in school........oh those teenage years.......Lost its time your chick grows up and stops playing games especially with your heart and your feelings..........dont put up with it or she will continue to walk all over you............sounds like a player to me!!!

have a nice day and keep posting

Kitty

[lost]

I am really glad I only read howard4570's before I went over to see her last night.

We did talk little bit. Not the way I planned. But none the less ... interesting!

I will explain more later. (it's bit embarrassing )

p.s. to those with "hubby, other boyfriend" talks.

Every time I see her (which is like 2 ~ 3 times a week), I go over to her place. While she does have many many male friends, no BF or other man or men in her life. Like I said ... it's just "inconsiderate" issue, not "insecure" issue

[hrnychick]

Lost,

Let me be the first to say you have me wanting to know more of what your talk was about......embarrassing you say........now im curious......so dont keep me or the rest of us waiting please post back soon.

Now as for the "hubby" or "bf" well glad that she doesnt have any and that you arent just someone on the side but honey it had to be asked cause not knowing your history together it could have been the key reason for the way she is acting towards you.

So please post back soon we love updates here and knowing what if any advice helped or didnt.

[nosleepnmesa]

Lost, I have to agree with Hrnychick, I am also waiting to hear what went on. Embarrassing well dont be here but still you have my imagination running all over the place. Please post back and let us know how it went ect... Also my imagination can run very wild. But I am glad to hear that there is noone else on the side.

*Waiting as patient as I can*

[lost]

Here it goes.

So, I spent the last weekend thinking about a lot of things (between us). Came to realized that I need to set some ground. Got myself all mentally prepared for the worst case. Now I was finally ready to let her go!

As I was driving over to her place, 2nd thought came to my head. Biggest one said .... "you are a selfish bastard! you did see how much pain she is in on Monday morning. Can't you just imagine how much more pain she might have been on Friday? And you are thinking about breaking up with the girl you love? just because your needs are not getting met? what the fuck is wrong with you!?!"

I parked on the street near her place (as usual), but instead walking into her building, I made it to a flower shop near by.

Not sure why ... but I picked up a dozen red roses.

As usual, she greeted me with a beautiful smile.

I didn't get to say anything to her. Remember the smile?

Instead, I was giving her back rub (lower back where she has pain) for the next 1 hour.

Once I sense that everything is good ... I joked saying .. "So, I guess I can't even get mad at you for not calling me on Friday?"

She smiled.

I asked ... "you know,,,, you could have, should have at least called me. ... letting me know you are not going to be available for a few days or whatever."

she said ....

are you guys and gals ready for this?

I didn't feel like it.with the innocent 3 years old kid's face. Just like I don't know anything in this world. I just did what I felt like doing ... innocent face.

I burst out laughing. It was sooooooooooooo fucking cute, I had to laugh.

Then she snuggled next to me and said ... "I am sorry. I am sorry."

That's who the evening went.

Went out for a walk, had a bite to eat at a small cafe ...

pretty nice evening all around.

....

FYI, we are not done. two total strangers. Not because of what happened last weekend, but because of other problems came up shortly after. It's been a hell. We thought we were going to patch things up yesterday (Friday), but got into another argument (probably the biggest) and I left her place. I have laid out everything on the table for her. It's up to her to decide what she wants to do with her life. She has until Monday evening to call me, if she wants to give it another go. Otherwise, my life goes on without her.

Thanks guys and gals.

[Majikal1236]

OK, let me get this straight. You asked her why she didn't call you all weekend, then say she could/should have and her reply was "Because I didn't feel like it" and you think it's CUTE?

(**I burst out laughing. It was sooooooooooooo fucking cute, I had to laugh.

Then she snuggled next to me and said ... "I am sorry. I am sorry." **)

I'm sorry. I don't understand why you wouldn't be upset with someone who treats you so poorly.

If I had been given that reply I would grabbed my flowers and anything else I had there (like your balls) and walked out.

This woman is clearly taking advantage of you.

But hey, if you want to be with someone like that, have at it!

[Mikayla1]

I must agree with Majikal...I believe you have fallen prey to the "I'm too beautiful to dump" girl. You know, those girls who do whatever the hell they want, then, when you finally get the guts (or balls) to confront them, they bat their eyelashes, flash their baby blues...and say, "but I don't wanna" in that childlike innocent way you MEN think is so cute, and we women think, "Oh BARF.....I can't believe HE is falling for that!"

How do I know about this? Well, I have used this technique before. I had, in my younger days, a few men on the side who I liked as friends and who wanted to date me, and they would do ANYTHING I wanted if I just say, "pweaaassse" and flashed a little boob and batted my baby blues! I am not kidding. It was immature, and wrong, and thank GOD, I wised up, cause one time I would have done that to the wrong guy and gotten in BIG trouble! This woman has got something else going on besides you man, and you have got to wise up!

This is NOT love, at least not from her side! Don't you want to be with a woman who, when she is in pain, wants you there to comfort her? Or, who at least cares enough to call you when she isn't going to be around? She might be cute on the outside and seem innocent, but I assure you, she knows what she is doing. I know you came here for advice, so let me give it again.....RUN, RUN, RUN away NOW!

Mikayla

[ambrelyn]

I totally agree. "I didn't feel like it", just told you exactly where you rate in her life. Unfortunately it's at the bottom. My response to that would have been, well, screw you too. Cuz that's basically what she just said. I would have left at that moment, and told her that if she didn't care enough about you to consider your feelings in the matter and what she's putting you through, then she wasn't mature enough to be with you. And that's what it is, a question of maturity. Like Mikayla said, she's knows she has you wrapped around her little finger, so she can just get what she wants when she wants and doesn't care how you feel. That's not good. Do you think so poorly of yourself, that you believe you deserve that kind of treatment? Trust me, no one does. I wouldn't take her back even if she does call you by Monday. She's just going to start it all back up again once she's sure she has you back. She'll be better for awhile, but it will eventually go back to her acting this way. That's just a fact. This girl is a user, and she needs someone to show her what happens to users. You can find someone better, anyone would be better than this. This is not a healthy relationship. Do you know that I can't wait to talk to my fiancee? We talk several times a day, and we spend every spare minute we have together. Even if I'm hurting or really sick or upset or whatever, I want to be with him because he makes me feel better. I don't push him away. That's the kind of relationship you need and deserve. Not a relationship of convenience, where she only wants you around when it's convenient for her. Move on now, and don't look back. Don't give her another chance. She doesn't deserve it.

[telecom69]

I totally agree. "I didn't feel like it", just told you exactly where you rate in her life. Unfortunately it's at the bottom. My response to that would have been, well, screw you too. Cuz that's basically what she just said. I would have left at that moment, and told her that if she didn't care enough about you to consider your feelings in the matter and what she's putting you through, then she wasn't mature enough to be with you. And that's what it is, a question of maturity. Like Mikayla said, she's knows she has you wrapped around her little finger, so she can just get what she wants when she wants and doesn't care how you feel. That's not good. Do you think so poorly of yourself, that you believe you deserve that kind of treatment? Trust me, no one does. I wouldn't take her back even if she does call you by Monday. She's just going to start it all back up again once she's sure she has you back. She'll be better for awhile, but it will eventually go back to her acting this way. That's just a fact. This girl is a user, and she needs someone to show her what happens to users. You can find someone better, anyone would be better than this. This is not a healthy relationship. Do you know that I can't wait to talk to my fiancee? We talk several times a day, and we spend every spare minute we have together. Even if I'm hurting or really sick or upset or whatever, I want to be with him because he makes me feel better. I don't push him away. That's the kind of relationship you need and deserve. Not a relationship of convenience, where she only wants you around when it's convenient for her. Move on now, and don't look back. Don't give her another chance. She doesn't deserve it.

"I didn't feel like it" is another way for her saying you're gullible and a dick. Nothing personal against you though friend. Leave her as fast as you can and meet some some decent women. They're out there.

Good Luck,

Telecom

[hrnychick]

Oh Lost Lost Lost......time to open your eyes......if I was told an answer like "because i didnt feel like it" I would not think it was cute no matter who told me it or how they looked.....YOU are blinded by your feeling for this girl.....and sorry but its plain to see by what you have told us here that she doesnt feel the same.....Now you said you are dont.....ok.....you said its up to her to call you.....ok.....now just make sure you hold your ground.....be tough buddy to cave into her......or she will walk all over you for as long as she knows she can.......Not telling you this to sound like a bitch just trying to be blunt with you......you seem like you would give a girl the world and do all you can which is great but that girl just isnt the one unless she makes a total turn around.....I think deep down you know it and now its time for you to move on and find that special one that wants you with her pain or no pain.....period or no period.....the one that will call YOU 10 times a day just to say hello and I was thinking of you......Im sure you will find her once you get past this one.

GOOD LUCK AND KEEP US POSTED

[kristine]

Lost,

You seem like a pretty nice guy, even though you are BLIND!!! You deserve a lot better.

Kristine

[lost]

first of all ... thanks all for your replies.

am I blind? maybe so.

someone said .. "love is blind"

maybe I didn't explain "i didn't feel like it" good enough.

It was like when your 3 years old boy hits another boy in town ... only because he didn't want to share his candy or something like that. Your 3 years old boy does not know the difference between rights and wrongs. Hence his action is somewhat justified.

Yes, before you tell me anything ... I do know this girl is not 3 years old.

That's just the way she is. Do I like it? No. Does she know it? Yes. Is she working on it? I hope so.

but once again, maybe I am blind.

It's been a week of hell.

A lot happened.

This is the girl I finally have feelings for after 8 years of break I took since my last ex.

Yes, I dated. But not for relationships. Guys know what I dated many many girls for.

She called me this morning. 7am. Very un-usual for her.

I missed the phone call as I was in the meeting.

She called 8am. I missed it

She called at 9am again.

I answered. She asked me if I can "look past" what happened in the last few days.

I ended up going over to her place afterwork ... and we talked things out.

"inconsideration" issue was a little problem. We had bigger problems to work out.

After 1 hour of talks (both ways), I believe we have worked things out.

We'll see how things play out for the next little while.

Yes, I am the Mr. Nice Guy.

So, if any ladies happen to make their ways up to Vancouver Canada ... look me up

thanks again

[hrnychick]

Lost,

I was thinking of the "love is blind"saying when i wrote my reply......had to laugh when i read it in yours.......You said that your relationship had bigger problems then what you wrote about here for advice......just wanted to say if you ever feel the need for advice, questions you would like an answer to, or you just want to plain vent and get something off your chest there is really no better place to do all then here at TooTimid.

Yes you do seem like a nice guy so I hope your realtionship works out since you said this is the first girl you have had feelings for in a long time.....just dont let her walk all over you and use you.....try really really hard not to let that love blind you to much.......we all put up with some amount of crap from our SO but one has to know where to draw the line........so dont feel that you have to take what she does to you just cause you love her......I know easier said then done but if she ends up not being "the one" well then im sure you will find your right one soon.

Again hope it works out for your sake and just take it all one day at a time......working through any problem takes time.

Good luck and keep posting!!!!!!

[lost]

thank you!

p.s. I may be a blind, but I am far from stupid

[curvacious_lust]

Yes, I am the Mr. Nice Guy.

So, if any ladies happen to make their ways up to Vancouver Canada ... look me up

thanks again

Why is it all the nice guys seem to be north of me? It doesn't change...except for the fact that I'm now married....lol. Yeah, I dated guys from Canada when I was single....both times.

[nosleepnmesa]

WOW Lost, you must be a nice guy I know I hae made other post regarding this issue, but I have to say I am in shock. I hope everything works out for the best for you both. There is one thing I will never understand maybe that is another differance between a man and a women although maybe not since I just thought about it and I know women who have been treated horribly and used and they never left tell the lost their minds.

One thing I will never understand though is why people who are used or treated unfairly or have a one sided relationship per say, always seem to go back to it once they leave it. I am not saying that people cant change and that though dont, but sounds like you have been threw alot in this relatioship

I hope all does go well and things change and hopefully you both will find happiness and pleasure in your lifes.After reading all the post the question is still there. Love is blind! Can love really be so blind for people to think it is okay to be inconsiderate and not care in a sense about what the other feels or what they are causing the other to feel like?

Okay I am done babbling good luck lost and I wish you the best please keep us posted this is a wonderful place to vent, ask questions and get many different opions of the situtation which I find extremely helpful. Good Luck to you and keep your chin up.

[Majikal1236]

I have this beautiful girlfriend whom I absoultely love.

I would do anything for her.

Now, the problem.

Sure, everybody has problems, downsides, whatever.

But this one drives me absoultely crazy!

She has this "inconsiderate" problem. Or "Rude" Or "down right wrong!"

When she is under stress, she disappears.

Well, no phone calls, not answering my phone calls, not even returning calls for a couple of days.

She's been doing this almost every single weekend to me now.

It's that time of the month. She doesn't feel like talking to anybody.

No answer, not returning calls. Until .. she feels better.

We had dinner date. But, she got sick. She got tired. or whatever.

no phone calls, no answer, not returning my calls.

Past weekend, we were to go out for dinner on Friday.

On thurs night, while she was out with friends, she tripped over and hurt her leg. Bringing her extream pain, she ended up staying in bed whole weekend.

Well, what did I get? No phone calls. I called 4 times and left 2 messages on Friday. Nothing. Nothing on Sat. Nothing on Sun.

Monday morning, she calls.

I was ready to break up with her.

No consideration? no respect? what's the point of the relationship? Right?

I just went out for coffee with her for like 15 min., seeing her in extream pain (still!) I couldn't really say anything.

I am to see her tonight after work .. maybe we will go out for light exercise together or something.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Should I even talk about it?

Should I break up with her?

Once again ... I love everything about this girl ... except ... "inconsideration"

Any update? Inquiring minds want to know!

[tyciol]

Don't put up with this crap, it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes, especially since it's better for her in the long run too. What's she running off to do? Ask if you can come? Ask her to stay and talk? If not, don't stay in it for just the sex, and if you love her, don't be afraid of losing her for being pushy, that's wussy.