Is He Enjoying My Body?

[cj0834]

I am new here, but have been reading posts for quite some time. My problems with my sex life are many, but the biggest issue that I could really use help with is this. During sex I really get the feeling that my husband does not enjoy my body. He doesn't enjoy touching it or looking at it or anything. He does it because it is required for success in the "act" at least that is how I feel. He will touch me until I am aroused then he stops lays back and asks me to stimulate him. Those are his exact words. He often has trouble getting an errection or keeping one very long. We have the best experiences when I surprise him. Everything is just so awkward. He has had two or three partners before me and I was a virgin when I met him. With my first boyfriend he did nearly everything except entering me. I was very afraid of the pain I thought I might experience. I did not even let him put his fingers inside me. He gave me the best oral sex I could ask for. The "how to" section here on that subject described my experience perfectly. I have only had sex twice in 11 years that hasn't hurt at some point. I get very wet. I think it is the way he enters me. I think he does it too fast, but I don't have anything to compare it to. Well, this is getting way too long. I could go on and on. I just want to feel like he enjoys pleasing me. I moan and tell him how great it feels to have him inside me. But he never says anything. He pulls out right away and goes into the bathroom. If I am still in the mood when he gets back he will give me an orgasam with his hand. Usually it is just to long to wait. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks

[Tyger]

Well, let's see, I noticed that you're 40, is your husband around the same age?

It could be a couple of things. One of which could be erectile disfunction, to which he needs to see a doctor to be sure. There are a lot of things that can cause ED, and his doctor or uriologist I believe, could help him. He could know that his erection will be slow, if ever, in coming that time, so he may not want to do the "full" sex regime for him. A lot of men, even knowing how common it is, are ashamed of their performance, or lack thereof, and just want to do the deed, if they can, and be done with it.

So, you've been together 11 years? Is he bored? Are you bored? You said that you have the best sex when you surprise him. Try to get more creative in the bedroom. Sex isn't suppose to be a "duty or chore", it's suppose to be fun!

When asking him about it, do it AWAY from the bedroom, in a non-sexual activity. Just watching some TV, bring home some take-out food (probably not a good idea to broach this in a public setting for his sake).

Check out the Toy Review forum, and keep reading the posts and articles. Ask questions!! As you can see this site gets a lot of questions, and hopefully, helpful advise!! Good luck!

[manmtn50]

comunication is very important in any relationship , talk to him i totaly agree with tygers assesment maybe he not sure how to touch you but touch is important so take time talk with him and engage in more foreplay, or even try expanding your (both) sexual appities experiment try role playing role reversal and such but never give up on the one ya love it`ll get better! good luck an best wishes ,,,,,,

[manmtn50]

comunication is very important in any relationship , talk to him i totaly agree with tygers assesment maybe he`s not sure how to touch you but touch is important so take time talk with him and engage in more foreplay, or even try expanding your (both) sexual appities experiment by trying some role playing, role reversal and such but never give up on the one ya love it`ll get better! good luck an best wishes ,,,,,,

[Mikayla1]

One thing really stood out to me - it is when you said the best sex you have is when you SURPRISE him. This leads me to believe that he has performance anxiety that turns into ED. Many men worry about loosing their erection - hey, if we were men, we would worry too, right? If he is having normal ED issue - due to stress, worry, or simple aging - then he will worry about it every time he gets into bed with you. When you surprise him, he has no time to worry, ergo his erection is stronger and more immediate.

Let me ask you, do you make comments about your body or how you look? Does he? Are you confident in bed? The reason I ask is, many men love us just the way we are and don't look at the "fat pooch" or the stretch marks until we point them out. Also, if we are confident in bed, no matter what our size or how we look, then they pick up on that and want us more because we are ACTING sexy! It is a slight of hand, sort of.

Also, if you have pain every time you have sex - this can be daunting on him too. If he worries about hurting you, he may not believe you are into in, and then back off a bit. The pain itself can be a number of things - if you have been checked by your DR for cervical cancer, polyps, etc - then it can be that he is entering too fast or that you are tensing up. Either one can be remedied.

Now, when he stimulates you to get you horny, does he seem like he enjoys it? Do you tell him how he is making you feel? Men like to know they are arousing up. I suggest switching it up a bit, pleasure HIM before you - shave your pussy if you don't already (it will FIRE him up!) or, just try to do a 69 or get some toys. Just vary the routine and get him hot and ready.

There is a possibility that he is not as attracted to your body as he once was - this happens. The trick is to make him enjoy your body again. Unless he is utterly disgusted (which I am sure he is NOT) then just be sexy - play with your breasts, finger yourself, make your body irresistable to him. Be the seductress! You can do it, I am sure of it.

As for him getting up to go to the bathroom - don't let him. Suck him off after and savor his juices. Or, be on top when he cums and refuse to get up. Tell him you want to bask in the pleasure you just had. Don't make sex about an action - make it about a connection. It is nice that he will get you off with his hand, but it would be nicer if he would take the time throughout. Make some adjustments, things will get better.

I agree with the talking as well - that is important. Open lines of communication on what you feel and think. Let him in on it - that might help more than anything.

Good Luck!

Mikayla

[cj0834]

One thing really stood out to me - it is when you said the best sex you have is when you SURPRISE him. This leads me to believe that he has performance anxiety that turns into ED. Many men worry about loosing their erection - hey, if we were men, we would worry too, right? If he is having normal ED issue - due to stress, worry, or simple aging - then he will worry about it every time he gets into bed with you. When you surprise him, he has no time to worry, ergo his erection is stronger and more immediate.

Let me ask you, do you make comments about your body or how you look? Does he? Are you confident in bed? The reason I ask is, many men love us just the way we are and don't look at the "fat pooch" or the stretch marks until we point them out. Also, if we are confident in bed, no matter what our size or how we look, then they pick up on that and want us more because we are ACTING sexy! It is a slight of hand, sort of.

Also, if you have pain every time you have sex - this can be daunting on him too. If he worries about hurting you, he may not believe you are into in, and then back off a bit. The pain itself can be a number of things - if you have been checked by your DR for cervical cancer, polyps, etc - then it can be that he is entering too fast or that you are tensing up. Either one can be remedied.

Now, when he stimulates you to get you horny, does he seem like he enjoys it? Do you tell him how he is making you feel? Men like to know they are arousing up. I suggest switching it up a bit, pleasure HIM before you - shave your pussy if you don't already (it will FIRE him up!) or, just try to do a 69 or get some toys. Just vary the routine and get him hot and ready.

There is a possibility that he is not as attracted to your body as he once was - this happens. The trick is to make him enjoy your body again. Unless he is utterly disgusted (which I am sure he is NOT) then just be sexy - play with your breasts, finger yourself, make your body irresistable to him. Be the seductress! You can do it, I am sure of it.

As for him getting up to go to the bathroom - don't let him. Suck him off after and savor his juices. Or, be on top when he cums and refuse to get up. Tell him you want to bask in the pleasure you just had. Don't make sex about an action - make it about a connection. It is nice that he will get you off with his hand, but it would be nicer if he would take the time throughout. Make some adjustments, things will get better.

I agree with the talking as well - that is important. Open lines of communication on what you feel and think. Let him in on it - that might help more than anything.

Good Luck!

Mikayla

[cj0834]

mikayla. I guess I should have titled this I know he doesn't enjoy my body. I don't think he really enjoys sex. He likes to have an orgasam, but is totally uninterested in my pleasure. He only gets me off with his hand if I ask otherwise he is happy to forget it. I don't particularly enjoy giving him oral, but I do hoping it will be reciprocated. It is not. I think he has done it twice in 10 years and it is quite obvious he doesn't enjoy it. I have always felt like this even before we had kids. He often points out during sex the areas where he feels I need to "reduce". It is his problem not mine. I often come to bed nude and reach for his cock and he grabs my hand and pushes me away. He likes doggy style which is really not my favorite and when I reach to rub my clit he stops me. I asked him the other day if he would like to watch me masturbate and he looked at me like I was crazy. It does nothing for him to watch when I have an orgasam. I have started exagerating it a little just to see if I get a response, but I don't. I ask him if what I am doing feels good. He just says yeah and thats it. I ask him to tell me how it feels to be inside me. He doesn't know what to say. I want someone to look into my eyes while they enter me. Tell me how sexy and hot I am. I know I could have multiple orgasms with the right person, but I'm lucky if I get one. Usually I just do it myself because at least I am more interested in it than he is. I've tried talking dirty. I don't know what else to try.

[Valntyn]

Sexyeyes... reading your last post infuriated me. I can't believe a man would treat his wife that way. Takes your hand and pushes it away...? Points out places you need to lose weight DURING sex? Oh honey, that's a man I wouldn't want or let touch me! My opinion: he sounds like an ass. Like Howard mentioned, I wonder how he treats you the rest of the time... doesn't seem like it would be too good.

I'm proud of you, though, for one thing in particular that you wrote: "It is his problem not mine." That shows me that, even with how shittily he's treating you, you still have good feelings about yourself. Keep 'em, girl! You should be happy with yourself and don't let him ever make you feel otherwise!

If you actually get him to some sort of counselling, bravo and I hope it works, but if you can't or it doesn't... 10 years is a long time of crappy treatment, darlin. Get out and regain your life, be happy with yourself, and maybe someday find that 'right person' who wants you to be happy and pleasured! Please keep us updated!

[Tyger]

*breathing in deeply*....

Valntyn said it very well, and probably a helluva lot nicer than I could!!

After reading your updated post, I couldn't believe it. Since Val covered pretty much what I would've said (great minds and all...)~All I am gonna add is, IMO: he is a selfish jackass.

Oh, honey!! EVERY woman deserves to be loved and treated with RESPECT. Him pointing out what HE thinks are your flaws (bravo for being comfortable in your own skin~I wish I could be!), is not only disrespectful, but hurtful to boot.

You are not wrong in feeling the way you do. 10 years is a long time to feel Less-Than. Kids or no kids, you deserve to be treated like the Goddess you are! And, in fact, being the mother of his children, he should put forth EXTRA attention, effort, and pleasure.

OK, I am gonna stop before I ramble too much more!

[riv]

*breathing in deeply*....

Valntyn said it very well, and probably a helluva lot nicer than I could!!

After reading your updated post, I couldn't believe it. Since Val covered pretty much what I would've said (great minds and all...)~All I am gonna add is, IMO: he is a selfish jackass.

Oh, honey!! EVERY woman deserves to be loved and treated with RESPECT. Him pointing out what HE thinks are your flaws (bravo for being comfortable in your own skin~I wish I could be!), is not only disrespectful, but hurtful to boot.

You are not wrong in feeling the way you do. 10 years is a long time to feel Less-Than. Kids or no kids, you deserve to be treated like the Goddess you are! And, in fact, being the mother of his children, he should put forth EXTRA attention, effort, and pleasure.

OK, I am gonna stop before I ramble too much more!

Woa!!! woa! Wait a minute what goes on outside the bedroom directly affects what goes on inside. How does she treat him outside the bedroom. I am the victim of a really crappy marriage and not one damn bit if it is my fault period. And it all because of the way I.....the male..(yes we are human even though it shines through on ALMOST every womans post that we that we aren't) am treated outside the bedroom. Let me let you in on a little secret....If you are a bitch outside the bedroom then no man is going to want anything but a Piece of pussy in bed...I don't even want that from a bitch. I don't know if that is this girls problem or not but it makes me want to puke when you girls autotmatically blame the man. I haven't fucked my wife in 2 or three years cause she's a bitch outside I'd rather fuck a snake... I have ask for imput several times on this fourm from women about what your role is in a relationship and have not gotten one answer yet. NOT ONE ANSWER FORM A WOMAN ABOUT YOUR ROLE OR RESPONSIBILITY IN A RELATIONSHIP. Shaveing ya'lls poon is not the most important thing on earth. I know for a fact that i am not the only man who feel this way by a long shot... Read some of my other post(please) and you will see that somethimes we are not the bad guy. There are some women out there who, klike my so called wife need to be fucked one last time.....in court and in my case its on its way to her with no anal eze if this shit don't do a 180 today. I met a lady on this site who has really been nice to me through pm and I am going to try some of her advice, but if it doesn't work I'm outta here. I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS THIS WOMANS PROBLEM...MAYBE SHE IS A GODDESS BUT JUST LETTING YOU KNOW IF A WOMAN IS A BITCH THEN EXPECT TO BE SHUT OUT.

[Mikayla1]

Woa!!! woa! Wait a minute what goes on outside the bedroom directly affects what goes on inside. How does she treat him outside the bedroom. I am the victim of a really crappy marriage and not one damn bit if it is my fault period. And it all because of the way I.....the male..(yes we are human even though it shines through on ALMOST every womans post that we that we aren't) am treated outside the bedroom.

I have ask for imput several times on this fourm from women about what your role is in a relationship and have not gotten one answer yet. NOT ONE ANSWER FORM A WOMAN ABOUT YOUR ROLE OR RESPONSIBILITY IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Ok, you obviously have not read MY posts then! As a senior member of this board, with almost 1400 posts, I have often times pointed out that it is BOTH partners responsibility to pleasure each other! I have pointed out that women can be BITCHES - men CAN be ASSHOLES! I have given a thousand ways to make that better BESIDES shaving your pussy!

In fact, to one of your posts I posted this:

I am a firm believer in pleasing your partner - and this goes both ways. I am also a realist, and know that there are those RARE occassions when a partner just might not be up to it. Sickness, migraine, intense stress (not the everyday) can all be valid reasons in my book. However, I get that your wife is saying,

"No" a heck of a lot more than the norm. For that I agree with everyone else here - talk to her.

Marriages don't always last forever, and yours doesn't have to. I know, brash statement, but I have to offer truth here too. If you are this unhappy that you are contemplating cheating - just leave her - don't become an asshole and cheat - just be up front and honest and LEAVE! Bad sex or no sex (when you have tried to correct that problem) can be a very valid reason to split!

Since you came to this board it has been a hodgepodge of how unhappy you are, how bad your marriage is, how badly you want to cheat. People have offered you advice, tried to get things in perspective - but from your above post, I don't think that there is ANY advice anyone can offer you to save your marriage. If you would rather "fuck a snake" than your wife, and haven't had sex in 2 years, I would say there is nothing left to save!

YES, women can be bitches - but sometimes, just sometimes, we are reacting to you men! Yes, it is true, when a man is an ASS and doesn't try to understand our feelings, we become the BITCH! This goes both ways - and I do not know how it is in your marriage, but to say that not one, single part of this is YOUR fault is a little unfair! Marriages are not built or condemned in a vacuum - you may not THINK you are doing something, and maybe right now you aren't, but in the past she may have done something, you may have overreacted or vice versa and there is the beginning of the end!

I think a couple HAS to take responsibility together for the decline of the marriage - unless one of the partners cheat - then it is more one-sided. Men and women don't cheat because they have a happy marriage - you have discovered this - but men and women do react badly to certain stimuli from their spouses - this may not be what you think!

So, I am not saying that you are too harsh or whatever, no one but you lives in your shoes. I am, however, saying before you condemn ALL OF US WOMEN here for the anger you have at your wife, read some posts and I am sure you will find that not ALL women are self-serving, selfish, ignorant man haters - I, for one, am SURELY NOT!!!

Good luck to you,

Mikayla

[whiskeywoman]

" NOT ONE ANSWER FORM A WOMAN ABOUT YOUR ROLE OR RESPONSIBILITY IN A RELATIONSHIP."

Some us women do not have a real relationship we play a role in or have the responsability associated with it.

My relationship is kinda shaky, and not stable enough to be called a true relationship.

But, my roles include but are not limited to:

Babysitter: taking care of my partners kids if I have the day off and they have to work and we want to be together later in the evening.

Taxi service: getting my partners kids to soccer practice, tai kwon do, and gymnastics all on time and pick them all up and return home safely with them.

Executive chef:

responsible for feeding my own 4 children and my partners 3 children

Diatician:

Makng sure all food related allergies are avoided, planning a healthy and tasty kid acceptable meal

Housekeeper:

This should not need an explination

Doctor:

Making sure any injuries are properly taken care of and medicines are dispensed to the right child at the right time

Dentist:

Making sure all childrens orthadontic care is properly adhered to, instead of the normal "one swipe with the toothbrush and they are all done"

Counceler:

Listening to the childrens fears and concerns and offering advice on subjects such as bullies, mean teachers, and peer pressure.

When it comes time for my partner and I to be together,

Again with the counceler, I listen to my partners fears and concerns about everything from parenting to performance anxiety in the bedroom.

I am a sounding board, listening to what transpired during the day at work.

I play the role of friend and confidant, not only listening, but offering advice, and trying to remain non judgemental of what my partner says or does.

Yes, there are times we do not see eye to eye, but that is a problem every couple has.

As far as the bedroom, I play the role of lover and pleaser.

I try and please my partner like I would like to be pleased.

We do have those occasional nights though where nothing goes according to plan, and we wind up just laying there together enjoying the others company.

"Shaveing ya'lls poon is not the most important thing on earth. I know for a fact that i am not the only man who feel this way by a long shot."

Your right, it is not.

And no, you are not the only one who feels this way.

I feel the same way myself, and I am far from being a man.

The most inportant thing in the world is for me to take care of my 4 children.

I get up in the morning and make coffee, I shower and get ready for work.

Lets face it, I may not be able to shave every day, but that does not mean I am going to let my personal hygine suffer for it.

Sometimes I am lucky to rinse all of the soap out of my hair before there is a knock on the door "MOOOOOOM....SIS IS TRYING TO TICKLE THE GOLDFISH AGAIN!!"

Then its a fast towel dry, a quick swipe of deoderant then I am dressed and headed out the door.

I work between 8 and 10 hours a day serving customers who are slobs, and rude and crude and obnoxious and make the most outlandish requests for their meals.

I deal with an average of somewhere between 500 and 600 customers in an average shift.

"JUST LETTING YOU KNOW IF A WOMAN IS A BITCH THEN EXPECT TO BE SHUT OUT."

Well, heres a news flash for you, I am a bitch, and I am proud of it!

I can be rude, crude and obnoxious, I am blunt to the point and will make no apologies for my actions, my words or beliefs.

Personally, I believe I have a right to be a bitch,

My life has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination.

I understand your bitterness, you have had a nasty relationship, and that is truely a sad thing.

It is always disheartning to see a life long commitment worn down to such a point.

Many women here come here asking for advice because sometimes their partner does not understand their needs or wants.

Sometimes some women have problems communicating this to their husbands/partners, and they come here looking for advice so that they CAN please their SO.

That does not mean that they are a bitch!

On the flip side of the same coin, many men come here looking for advice on how to please their SO, how to have romantic eavnings, and even how to better communicate what they want as well.

This does not make them a total assbite.

There are lots of differant people here on this board that come from all walks of life and have all differant problems.

I wish everyone the best of luck in their endevors,

You included.

*gets off soapbox*

Oh, and for future referance, before you call someone a bitch,

remember this... to me, bitch stands for:

Babe

In

Total

Control of

Herself

[whiskeywoman]

Damn double posts.

[riv]

Ok, you obviously have not read MY posts then! As a senior member of this board, with almost 1400 posts, I have often times pointed out that it is BOTH partners responsibility to pleasure each other! I have pointed out that women can be BITCHES - men CAN be ASSHOLES! I have given a thousand ways to make that better BESIDES shaving your pussy!

In fact, to one of your posts I posted this:

I am a firm believer in pleasing your partner - and this goes both ways. I am also a realist, and know that there are those RARE occassions when a partner just might not be up to it. Sickness, migraine, intense stress (not the everyday) can all be valid reasons in my book. However, I get that your wife is saying,

"No" a heck of a lot more than the norm. For that I agree with everyone else here - talk to her.

Marriages don't always last forever, and yours doesn't have to. I know, brash statement, but I have to offer truth here too. If you are this unhappy that you are contemplating cheating - just leave her - don't become an asshole and cheat - just be up front and honest and LEAVE! Bad sex or no sex (when you have tried to correct that problem) can be a very valid reason to split!

Since you came to this board it has been a hodgepodge of how unhappy you are, how bad your marriage is, how badly you want to cheat. People have offered you advice, tried to get things in perspective - but from your above post, I don't think that there is ANY advice anyone can offer you to save your marriage. If you would rather "fuck a snake" than your wife, and haven't had sex in 2 years, I would say there is nothing left to save!

YES, women can be bitches - but sometimes, just sometimes, we are reacting to you men! Yes, it is true, when a man is an ASS and doesn't try to understand our feelings, we become the BITCH! This goes both ways - and I do not know how it is in your marriage, but to say that not one, single part of this is YOUR fault is a little unfair! Marriages are not built or condemned in a vacuum - you may not THINK you are doing something, and maybe right now you aren't, but in the past she may have done something, you may have overreacted or vice versa and there is the beginning of the end!

I think a couple HAS to take responsibility together for the decline of the marriage - unless one of the partners cheat - then it is more one-sided. Men and women don't cheat because they have a happy marriage - you have discovered this - but men and women do react badly to certain stimuli from their spouses - this may not be what you think!

So, I am not saying that you are too harsh or whatever, no one but you lives in your shoes. I am, however, saying before you condemn ALL OF US WOMEN here for the anger you have at your wife, read some posts and I am sure you will find that not ALL women are self-serving, selfish, ignorant man haters - I, for one, am SURELY NOT!!!

Good luck to you,

Mikayla

I tell you what, I'm gone and I ain't comming back....sorry for stateing my feelings on your site and wasting your time. I NEVER ONE TIME CALLED ALLLLLLLLLLLL WOMEN A BITCH...NOT ONCE. AND I ALSO TOLD YOU THAT I HAD MET SOMEONE ON THIS SITE THAT HAS HELPED A WHOLE BUNCH. NOT ONLY THAT BUT HOWARD IS A VERY SMART PERSON WHO UNDERSTANDS BOTH MEN AND WOMEN. BUT FOR THE MOST PART WOMEN ARE MAN HATERS PERIOD. AND DON'T CALL ME A JACKASS...YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME....NOTHING

[Mikayla1]

I didn't call you a jackass.....you need to read more carefully. Obviously, you are not being helped by anyone here but Howard and your PM friend - so why not PM them to get your help and stop blasting others because your marriage is bad.

As I said before, GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

Mikayla

[chic]

I didn't call you a jackass.....you need to read more carefully. Obviously, you are not being helped by anyone here but Howard and your PM friend - so why not PM them to get your help and stop blasting others because your marriage is bad.

As I said before, GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

Mikayla

Wow, I just stumbled up on this and am not sure this is where I belong. Name calling? Bitching people out in public so to speak? Whats with this? From what I get this person is really hurting and could use some TLC. I can see from some of his remarks why you would respond the way you did and I also see where you tried to offer advice.

It could look like to someone who is a bad spot that you were calling him a jackass even though you don't think you were. I deal with people like him a lot in my job and the best way I have found to deal with them is allow them to vent and don't take what they say personal because it isn't. I know that you are running a sex edcutation site here not a conceling service but maybe he felt he could come here without anyone knowing who he was therefore fearing no repercussions. I'm brand new here and don't want to offend anyone or tell you what to do or how to act but just comming in I do see both sides.

Guy. you can pm me if you would like to and I will listen, or rather read what you have to say . I have seen people like you come to a very bad end more than once. TALK TO SOMEONE PLEASE. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS. Now lighten up, Life is not that bad and as has already been said here no all women are bad at least not till you piss us off. You said you were leaving, if you do, please talk to someone if not, as I said before pm me. You are most likely a good person and so is your wife and she is hurting too. I really think it would be neat if this board would start up a fourm for people like yourself to come to and be comfortable.. I really don't think the people here hate you, I think they just really don't know what else to say to you. They have a good relationship and are trying to make it better. You are hurt,I think hurt more than even you know and you are in need of some serious help. I understand how you feel. Like I said I'm new to this site but not new to the problems involved in marriage.. Girls,Guys, if he doesn't leave and I hope he don't, just remeber it not personal. Let him talk he'll get over it . You don't have to comment if you dont want to. I've said too much for someone new , this post just caught my eye. NOW ON TO THE SHOW.