Hubby And Cybasex

[CarrieZA]

We've been maried for 30 years, have a really good sexlife but for the last two, hubby has got involved with Cyba sex relationships. which he has tried to keep hidden. He says it's just a game and wasn't intended to hurt me. I'm really battling to deal with this and see it as a betrayal and no different to him having affairs except they in his head. He is obviously turned on by other women and they discussions they have , then comes to me for relief. How do other women deal with this and what opinions do you have?

Edited July 22, 2005 by CarrieZA

[ngophat]

We've been maried for 30 years, have a really good sexlife but for the last two, hubby has got involved with Cyba sex relationships.  which he has tried to keep hidden. He says it's just a game and wasn't intended to hurt me.  I'm really battling to deal with this and see it as a betrayal and no different to him having affairs except they in his head.  He is obviously turned on by other women and they discussions they have , then comes to me for relief.  How do other women deal with this and what opinions do you have?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i never understood the concept of cyber sex...like what does your husband do? stick his dick in the disk drive?

[hot-pants-kate]

Hi Carrie, try this. Have your hubby get a web cam for the computer, less than $20.00. Do a search for a free adult web cam chat sight and join, or do a trial membership. The two of you log on, in front of the camera, him in his underpants, you in panty and bra. You'll enjoy it more than he. I chatted on a web cam sight for over a year, at http://www.anywebcam.com, mostly in just a panty. Have a sex toy handy. Guys would give you all kinds of attention. It was so much fun. You will both love it, and you make cyber friends there.

[crazy1]

is that you kate? that pic?

[hot-pants-kate]

is that you kate?  that pic?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Web Cams are not high resolution Crazy, so it doesn't do justice. I had cute house slippers on too. And my hair was up.

Did you get an eyefull from the AnyWebCamCom sight yet? (and i thought i was an exhibionist, Gawd!)

Love, Kate.

[Janet]

Web Cams are not high resolution Crazy, so it doesn't do justice. I had cute house slippers on too. And my hair was up.

Did you get an eyefull from the AnyWebCamCom sight yet? (and i thought i was an exhibionist, Gawd!)

Love, Kate.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's a hot pic of Kate! Wow - even from a woman's point of view, whew is all I can say

[hot-pants-kate]

That's a hot pic of Kate!  Wow - even from a woman's point of view, whew is all I can say

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kisses and Licks for Janet

Love, Kate.

[hot-pants-kate]

is that you kate?  that pic?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Here is another one Crazy. I hit the Capture button as i was showing the peops in the chat room that i had started my period at work that day.

One guy promised me he'd shoot his load on his puter screen if i'de hold the pose, he he.

Kate.

[Chris4u]

Very nice Kate

In some ways less and more revealing than your first pic

[CC07]

My wife and I use the webcam on Ivisit. It's a great site and free. The resolution is amazing and fast (cable modem). It's like have public sex in the privacy of your own home. I go on when she's not in the mood and play around with women and other men. It's pretty arousing to have others watch. Plus it's very safe!

Find us..we're NY_NY.1757 on ivisit

[Jen]

We've been maried for 30 years, have a really good sexlife but for the last two, hubby has got involved with Cyba sex relationships.  which he has tried to keep hidden. He says it's just a game and wasn't intended to hurt me.  I'm really battling to deal with this and see it as a betrayal and no different to him having affairs except they in his head.  He is obviously turned on by other women and they discussions they have , then comes to me for relief.  How do other women deal with this and what opinions do you have?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It is difficult to find that your husband (boyfriend, partner) has been finding sexual gratification on the internet rather than simply in your own bedroom. I suggest that you talk to him and find out why he enjoys it so much. I do like the suggestion of sitting down with him and reading or typing along side of him. I also REALLY like the suggestion of playing with him while he is online. Of course I also believe he should do some playing while you do some web surfing! As far as webcameras, etc right now--hold off. I think that is jumping the gun right now. Of course who knows what lies down the road...

Good Luck

Jen

[Mikayla1]

My husband had the same problem - should I say issue - a few years ago. He was always on the internet after I went to bed. Sometimes he would come up for sex after, sometimes he would have sex with me before. pretty soon I started spying on him to see what was going on and noticed he was cybersexing! I wasn't angry, I just asked him what I wasn't giving him that they were. He said he could experiment with ideas, get feedback, etc. So, I decided I would do that same. I too started cybersexxing and it was fun...for a while. Most of the guys (SORRY GUYS) were like not into typing...they looked for me to do all the typing and they just sat back beating off; so I finally went into the lesbian room and found a few good friends in there....people who had husbands doing the same thing. My advice...if you really hate taht he does it, ask him to stop. If you haven't tried it, try it. Maybe do it together. Try to make it fun and sexy for both of you

[hrnychick]

My husband had the same problem - should I say issue - a few years ago. He was always on the internet after I went to bed. Sometimes he would come up for sex after, sometimes he would have sex with me before. pretty soon I started spying on him to see what was going on and noticed he was cybersexing! I wasn't angry, I just asked him what I wasn't giving him that they were. He said he could experiment with ideas, get feedback, etc. So, I decided I would do that same. I too started cybersexxing and it was fun...for a while. Most of the guys (SORRY GUYS) were like not into typing...they looked for me to do all the typing and they just sat back beating off; so I finally went into the lesbian room and found a few good friends in there....people who had husbands doing the same thing. My advice...if you really hate taht he does it, ask him to stop. If you haven't tried it, try it. Maybe do it together. Try to make it fun and sexy for both of you

reading past posts and found this one from you i thought you took cybersex as a form of cheating as stated in a more recent post as well as phone sex....also i have to admit i was a bit shocked that your hubby cybered....from reading your posts and advice you offered to others seemed like you had no "problems" so to say in the bedroom.....not that its a problem but for some it really could be or turn out to be.....have to ask since you knew he did it did he know u did it??? do both of you still do it???? and yes most guys want the girl to do all the typing but some do a damn fine job at it....wink wink......glad that somemen can type lol

[hrslvrkate]

ngophat: You can fight it or join it. Seriously, have you considered asking your husband to let you sit next to him at the computer while he does his thing? If his two hands are on the keyboard, your hands can be elsewhere, like on his cock! But, more important, you can join in the cybersex games he plays, learn more about what is turning him on that he is too embarrassed to talk to you now, so that you can talk to him about it, and perhaps change part of your sex life to fulfill his fantasies.

Whoa! wait a minute are you suggesting a married man cyber with his wife sitting next to him? What about the person on the other end of the cyber? Ever consider that other person might take whats goin on seriously! 3 people involved instead of 2 or 1! Yuck! Id be absolutely mortified to find out that someone Im visiting with online is married and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

We've been maried for 30 years, have a really good sexlife but for the last two, hubby has got involved with Cyba sex relationships. which he has tried to keep hidden. He says it's just a game and wasn't intended to hurt me. I'm really battling to deal with this and see it as a betrayal and no different to him having affairs except they in his head. He is obviously turned on by other women and they discussions they have , then comes to me for relief. How do other women deal with this and what opinions do you have?

Cheating is cheating hun! Let me tell ya, Ive been playing spades for a number of years and made a lot of online friends, some that Ive become quite close to but when it comes to men friends (I dont cyber; frankly i dont get it) i can always tell when they married . recently had one who tells me he wants to meet me but doesnt want me to have his home number , please does he think im stupid? If he wants me to meet him first things first im gonna have a real conversation with him...............cheating is cheating which is what i told him

[curvacious_lust]

I just saw a poll about this very thing: Is Internet sex cheating? The answers were:

56% YES

20% NO

24% MAYBE

maybe?? where do they get maybe??? Thats like the whole Clinton thing.....

[Mikayla1]

reading past posts and found this one from you i thought you took cybersex as a form of cheating as stated in a more recent post as well as phone sex....also i have to admit i was a bit shocked that your hubby cybered....from reading your posts and advice you offered to others seemed like you had no "problems" so to say in the bedroom.....not that its a problem but for some it really could be or turn out to be.....have to ask since you knew he did it did he know u did it??? do both of you still do it???? and yes most guys want the girl to do all the typing but some do a damn fine job at it....wink wink......glad that somemen can type lol

Ahhhh, everything is subject to interpretation isn't it? I never said I didn't have "problems" in the bedroom - something brought me to this site - didn't it? I just realized when I got here to TooTimid, that my complaints about my hubby were pale in comparison to other people's issues and that I could probably offer some good advice to people. Everyone has issues with their partner I believe. I have a pretty great sex life admittedly - but it is not without it's ups and downs - in the bedroom and out of it! For the most part - it is pretty fantastic I have to say!

Now, on to the cybersex / phone sex thing. I have always thought that phone sex is cheating. Always, it is a live person on the other end with which you are having a conversation to bring them to some kind of sexual climax. It is, in my own opinion, a real connection with someone.

My line on cybersex is a little different. I don't see cybersex as being direct contact with a person that you know or have seen. Most of the time you are not talking to the same people again and again. You are in a chat room, someone comes to you - you chat - you flirt -you get what you want - done. It is like an Internet one-night stand. I don't see that as cheating.

Now, if you have a long term Internet relationship with someone who takes you away from your partner every night, you leave him or her to go to your computer to cybersex with them, you fail to have sex with them, you are consumed with your fantasy Internet lover over real life lover THEN I do consider it cheating. I think the line is very blurred, but I can distinguish it.

My hubby was intimidated by my sexual experience when he had done this, we were married only about 3 years, and he was looking for ideas and ended up cybering with a woman. We have been married 10 years now and neither of us cybers anymore. He knows I am on this site now and reads some of the posts here.

My point is, every relationship goes through things, mine is no exception. This is why I feel very comfortable and confident giving the advice I do. I have had many lovers who have given me the opportunity to have experiences that will help here. I know about erectile dysfuntion, performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, bondange, DOM /sub, 3-somes, anal sex, forced sex experiences, jealousy issues, kink issues, fetish issues, oral sex issues - you name it I have probably done it - and that makes it easy for me to lend a hand here. Now that I am married, I have had different issues, but they are still relevant.

So, I hope that cleared things up for you. Also, when you are dealing with the internet, you never really know who you are talking to, do you? Married couple, man saying he is a woman, woman saying man, man saying little boy - etc. You have to be so careful out there!

Mikayla

[sexykitty]

Ahhhh, everything is subject to interpretation isn't it? I never said I didn't have "problems" in the bedroom - something brought me to this site - didn't it? I just realized when I got here to TooTimid, that my complaints about my hubby were pale in comparison to other people's issues and that I could probably offer some good advice to people. Everyone has issues with their partner I believe. I have a pretty great sex life admittedly - but it is not without it's ups and downs - in the bedroom and out of it! For the most part - it is pretty fantastic I have to say!

Now, on to the cybersex / phone sex thing. I have always thought that phone sex is cheating. Always, it is a live person on the other end with which you are having a conversation to bring them to some kind of sexual climax. It is, in my own opinion, a real connection with someone.

My line on cybersex is a little different. I don't see cybersex as being direct contact with a person that you know or have seen. Most of the time you are not talking to the same people again and again. You are in a chat room, someone comes to you - you chat - you flirt -you get what you want - done. It is like an Internet one-night stand. I don't see that as cheating.

Now, if you have a long term Internet relationship with someone who takes you away from your partner every night, you leave him or her to go to your computer to cybersex with them, you fail to have sex with them, you are consumed with your fantasy Internet lover over real life lover THEN I do consider it cheating. I think the line is very blurred, but I can distinguish it.

My hubby was intimidated by my sexual experience when he had done this, we were married only about 3 years, and he was looking for ideas and ended up cybering with a woman. We have been married 10 years now and neither of us cybers anymore. He knows I am on this site now and reads some of the posts here.

My point is, every relationship goes through things, mine is no exception. This is why I feel very comfortable and confident giving the advice I do. I have had many lovers who have given me the opportunity to have experiences that will help here. I know about erectile dysfuntion, performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, bondange, DOM /sub, 3-somes, anal sex, forced sex experiences, jealousy issues, kink issues, fetish issues, oral sex issues - you name it I have probably done it - and that makes it easy for me to lend a hand here. Now that I am married, I have had different issues, but they are still relevant.

So, I hope that cleared things up for you. Also, when you are dealing with the internet, you never really know who you are talking to, do you? Married couple, man saying he is a woman, woman saying man, man saying little boy - etc. You have to be so careful out there!

Mikayla

i agree you really have to be careful....you just new know who you are REALLY chatting with....i agree with you to a point on the is it cheating or not issue....i think even though phone sex is with a live person....not just some typing to someone.....i think if you draw the line as with cyber sex....its just a one time deal you will never talk again etc....i dont see it as cheating...as long as there is not physical contact such as meeting someplace someday etc....and more important no emotional connection...talking to someone online or on the phone can lead a person to a emotional connection....an emotional affair.....if you share with that person and lets just say cross the line....but i say what the hell if you need to get off and want the help or voice of the opposite sex (or same sex whatever youre into) i say play have fun get dirty cum good and then its good bye.....it can all be like a one night stand if done right.....and no matter what if you do it your love life is lacking something and thats the real question isnt it.....instead of cheating it should be whats lacking and how can we or I fix it....but til that part of ones life is answered.....i will say it again play and cum and forget

Mikayla i often thought what brought you to this site....i thought you were toy shopping and started to read posts etc....and here you are......its good to know that you are a down to earth gal with problems just like the rest of us and not someone who just thinks they know it all and offer advice.....sounds like you have had a very interesting sex life and by rights you should offer what you have learned for those who havent done what you have or who have but have so many questions....like ive said in other posts you go girl....this site wouldnt be the same without you....i thought i had a interesting sex life but in no way does it compare to yours.....also thats a problem of alot of people here im sure....they didnt sew those wild oats and now they wish they did....alot of people i know got married young etc and didnt explore and now they dont feel fulfilled.....which in many cases has lead to my friends getting divorced.......before i end this i have to say how refreshing it is to know that a girl intimidated a guy with sex experiance....too many times its the other way around.....write a book on youre sex life im sure it would be so intereesting.....i would buy one lol

[promiscuouseuphoria]

We've been maried for 30 years, have a really good sexlife but for the last two, hubby has got involved with Cyba sex relationships. which he has tried to keep hidden. He says it's just a game and wasn't intended to hurt me. I'm really battling to deal with this and see it as a betrayal and no different to him having affairs except they in his head. He is obviously turned on by other women and they discussions they have , then comes to me for relief. How do other women deal with this and what opinions do you have?

All right. If it bothers you, then by all means you need to take it up with him. However, I don't think you should see it as cheating. I mean, it's cybersex - with a person he doesn't know, will never touch, and in all honesty probably doesn't even know what she looks like. You said you saw it as an affair, only in his mind instead of in real life. After thirty years together, do you honestly think he's never fantasized about another woman? Ever? Would you consider that an affair of the mind? Have you never fantasized about another man?

Now yes, you can argue that cybering is different, because someone else is involved. But they're nameless, faceless, and untouchable. So where is the betrayal?

If it really, truly bothers you, then ask him to stop. Do not, however, take the "you cheated on me" route. Just tell him honestly that you have issues with it, don't make him wrong or guilty by saying he betrayed you, and go from there.

[Tyger]

Now, if you have a long term Internet relationship with someone who takes you away from your partner every night, you leave him or her to go to your computer to cybersex with them, you fail to have sex with them, you are consumed with your fantasy Internet lover over real life lover THEN I do consider it cheating. I think the line is very blurred, but I can distinguish it.

I have to agree with that quote from Mikala.

Now, for my humble opinion, being as it is.

My ex and I split due to financial problems, and his cybering. Not neccasarily the whole act of cybering, but the fact that he accused me ALL of the time of cheating online, that flirting online was cheating, and I was cybering, IHO. I wasn't doing any of that at all.

That, and he was downloading nude pics of LOCAL women and sending nude pics of himself to them as well (lemme just say in all honesty, and not bitterness, that it's no WONDER he wanted me to get a high-resolution scanner for the little guy!!).

If he had been honest with me, "hey hon, I'm cybering, wanna join?" I don't think I'd have had a problem with it, but him being a hypocrite bothered me.

Plus, I found logs of him cybering with LOCAL women on FireTalk as well. He denied all around that he was married. I think that was a biggie too. And the whole LOCAL easily accessable women in the vicinity.

Also, it was the whole thing of him thinking I was stupid when it came to him covering it all up. I was, at the time, an instructor at a computer training center, and had the knowlege of finding stuff on computers that he thought he had "cleverly" gotten rid of.

Now, if my current hubby wanted to cyber, all he'd have to do is tell me, and I'd be fine with that. So long as they weren't local, and he didn't start ignoring me for the computer.

[nosleepnmesa]

Well I would have to agree with Tyger if my hubby wanted to cyper heck it would be fine with me and trust me I would be right there blowing him, rubbing him or something. Anything to enhance my sex life with him. I myself have web camed with someone didnt know them and didnt carry on a relationship but I still do talk as in friend talk with him.My opion is that I think cypering is okay as long as both people are okay with it and my husband understond why I did it, because I have told him that our sex life is boring but thanks to everyone it is starting to look up at least I hope. Heck If my hubby wants to cyper it is okay with me as long as I can join in some way or another.

[sexykitty]

is that you kate? that pic?

If you think that pic is real then you must be on some type of drug......

That's a hot pic of Kate! Wow - even from a woman's point of view, whew is all I can say

True that pic is hot in a way but come on this is the internet its not like people dont LIE here lets be real people

[Mikayla1]

Sexykitty,

I think it is wrong and RUDE of you to insinuate that people lie here. First, I am sure that not everyone that is on the internet always tells the truth - however, to automatically assume that people lie must mean that your world view in general is pretty negative.

I for one believe that what people tell me and present to me is one of truth - I believe that until they prove me otherwise. I believe that because to believe the alternative would cause me to live my life being skeptical and suspicious of everyone. I can't do that. In my career as a law student, I am taught to question everything - BUT to rely on facts. Here, on forum, what people present are my "facts" and I have to treat them as such.

So, if Kate says that is her ass in that pic, then it is her ass. I have seen many pics of Kate, and personally I believe it is her. In all this time since that post came up, no one has blantantly accused Kate of lying about that pic but YOU - and not in a nice way either. To say "if you think that pic is real than you must be on some kind of drug" is rude, totally RUDE to the people who had been interacting here.

I think that your posts are toxic and unfriendly in nature lately - and I don't know why. If you have something worth posting - please post - if you are going to post this crap - then please don't - it only causes strife and arguments and tension. People come here to get advice, not to here you speculate about who is lying about pics, bragging about their life, etc.

So please understand me when I say this (and everyone else who is following this):

I believe in the first amendment, the right to speak, the right to an opinion. I believe that this site has a purpose for many, many people. I believe that the people who post here have helped many, many people - that includes you. I now believe that a majority of your posts are not helping people, but are argumentative in nature.

I have no right nor inclination to tell you to stop posting - you have that right. I, however, can take myself off this forum if it becomes a place where every post becomes a place of negativity. I like postive influences (yes, sometimes there are disagreements, but that will happen).

Therefore, I implore you to try and go back to the positive force you had months back and give the helpful advice you were giving and knock off this crap!

Mikayla

[Tyger]

I too have noticed that Kitty's posts have been kind of on the negative side as of late.

I read a lot of posts, and don't post replies, so I've seen a few.

I hope that nobody feels they need to leave this forum due to negativity. Don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel.

If anything, maybe Kitty's jealous? I don't know. But whatever it is, I hope she learns to curb her negativity and rude comments. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. But lets keep in mind people, we are all adults here, with adult concerns, topics, jokes, and experiences. If there is a post that you personally find offensive in nature, or doubt the sincerity of a poster, then just pass it by. Why respond?

[nosleepnmesa]

Although I am new to this site, I know I sure didnt come here to hear others call people liers ect. I came to this site for advice on personal problems I was having and to learn new things.

I feel it is wrong in every aspect to not only degrade a person by calling them a lier but it makes it harder for people that visit this site or even post on this site as new members to ask questions and seek the help they may be looking for in fear of being in a a sense bad mouthed or degraded.

I know that myself if I were to have seen that before i started posting ect... I would have thought twice. I believe that people should be treated with the respect and not be degraded or called liers regardless of where they are, whether in RL or on the web.

I love this site and I have to say that it upset me a little to see someone in my opion degrade another person by calling them a lier.

I live by an easy sentence: Treat others the way you want them to treat you.