Does Your Partner Know Your On The Board

[cwgrltinkerbell21]

My husband knows Im on here. He laughs at me. But then again, I would love to be a sex therapist. When he has a question that (not very often) I cant answer, he tells me to check here. LOL. I think alot of it depends on peoples relationships on wether to tell or not to. But I think this place is great! A friend turned me on to it when I told her that I was ready to buy my 1st toy. But what was sad, I was 22 and she was 18 and told me about it! Thanks to everyone who created this!!

[KentJ]

Wife does not know that I fewquent the site. I don't know how I found TT.com, but I am so pleased to have done so. I believe there is a great combination of education and entertainment.

I have always been sexually aware and interested. This site has allowed me to continue learning about the psychology of the opposite sex, and about sexual technique. I only wish I could get my wife to log-on and learn. We too are practicing sex the same way that we were when we met 27 years ago - sad. The truth is that my sexual appetite has led me to look for literary and visual stimulation to assist in masterbation because I will not stray from our marriage. If we are going to last another 14 years, I know that we need to change things.

Sorry for the diatribe. Clearly I went a bit beyond scope.

[Tyger]

I think it's great that anyone finds this board, whether their partner knows or not. Some people simply can't understand a site like this. They think that we MUST be talking about sex in the DIRTY way. Because "normal" people don't sit down and discuss sex! I mean really! I say kuddos to those that find us, read, and try to make their sex lives that much more better!

Of course, I always say that you should be honest, and I know for a fact that I'd rather have my hubby on this site than, say, cybering with others. (Though I'd get that chair right up beside him if he was looking at porn on here!! ) Thankfully, I have a hubby that is opening up more and more, and has always knows that I've been a member here. But, I am an open & brutally honest person too, so he wouldn't expect me to keep anything from him.

[fineass]

My GF. found-out during intercourse, I bout her two toys from too-timid, Not knowing how she would react i poled one of them out and put it to work, lucky for me it was a big hit, after words i explained too her how & were I got them, then i went on to explain how i learned about the (G SPOT) in one of the forums, she laughed, but found it great that i was taking the time too keep our sex life alive , but i have not told her i go into a chart-room. i really don't think she would care . one day ill spring it on her. i would relay like her to be on here with me.

[Tyger]

What a wonderful way to let someone know you're on here!! LOL

[niecee_72]

I have a question? How many people that are writing on these boards know that their partner or friend is on here? I know that I told my lover and he got very excited knowing that I am looking into every aspect of sexual techniques, etc.

My husband would shit if he knew I found this place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Part of him would of course be excited (I got some new toys) so he would enjoy that. BUT he hates the computer and the internet big time. We know people who have split up do to chat rooms. I have never ben in any chat rooms but I'm sure he doesn't believe me. Ok well this is a first for me he also pretty much thinks I'm going to cheat on him. KNOW I have not. He is one of those that thinks I will find someone else. No I'm not looking. I'm kind of a flirt but thats it. So I have to sneek to come here and read stuff but I'm very glad I ave found this site it has already helped me alittle. So I'll keep sneeking!!!!!!!!!!

[corky]

Shy Niecee: Your husband does not deserve you. With that much insecurity, he needs professional help. If he continues to accuse you of looking for someone else, his prophecy is more likely to come true, since no matter what you do or say, he will never trust you. That becomes insulting to you, and will kill any respect or love you now have for him, sooner or later. Its degrading to fine men and women to have spouses always accusing them of being interested in someone else, and predicting that they will leave them. I flirt and flirted with other women right in front of my wife, and she knew she had nothing to worry about. If any of those women took me serious, I would be the one seen running for the hills, and she knew it. Flirting was just a way to keep the skills sharp, and I always flirted with her far more than I ever did with anyone else. She worked with a young girl who broke up with her BF one night, and was really down the next day when I met my wife for lunch. I heard all about it over lunch, so on my way to meet my wife after work, I stopped off and bought flowers for both my wife, and this young lady. When I gave her the flower she was shocked, and then so happy that she began to cry. She asked my wife the next day if my wife was offended that I had given her a flower too. My wife told her, not at all. She knew I was simply trying to help this young lady heal over this broken romance, and get past all the tears, and depression that comes with it. The girl really had never had a almost stranger treat her that nicely before, and not be expecting something from her. My wife said, just smile at him and say hello when he comes into the bank next time. If you remember it, thank him again for the flower. That will make his day.

And it did.

My wife loved me even more because I had done that little extra to help someone she worked with and knew far better than me, to get over her loss.

Did I smile and flirt with her every time I saw the girl after that? Sure! She loved it. And she was very jealous of my wife, and told her so, which my wife loved! The girl would notice how my wife and I looked at each other, when we met, how we hugged, held each other, and kissed in public, and she knew that what we had together was real, with nothing phony about it.

Howard

[niecee_72]

Shy Niecee: Your husband does not deserve you. With that much insecurity, he needs professional help. If he continues to accuse you of looking for someone else, his prophecy is more likely to come true, since no matter what you do or say, he will never trust you. That becomes insulting to you, and will kill any respect or love you now have for him, sooner or later. Its degrading to fine men and women to have spouses always accusing them of being interested in someone else, and predicting that they will leave them. I flirt and flirted with other women right in front of my wife, and she knew she had nothing to worry about. If any of those women took me serious, I would be the one seen running for the hills, and she knew it. Flirting was just a way to keep the skills sharp, and I always flirted with her far more than I ever did with anyone else. She worked with a young girl who broke up with her BF one night, and was really down the next day when I met my wife for lunch. I heard all about it over lunch, so on my way to meet my wife after work, I stopped off and bought flowers for both my wife, and this young lady. When I gave her the flower she was shocked, and then so happy that she began to cry. She asked my wife the next day if my wife was offended that I had given her a flower too. My wife told her, not at all. She knew I was simply trying to help this young lady heal over this broken romance, and get past all the tears, and depression that comes with it. The girl really had never had a almost stranger treat her that nicely before, and not be expecting something from her. My wife said, just smile at him and say hello when he comes into the bank next time. If you remember it, thank him again for the flower. That will make his day.

And it did.

My wife loved me even more because I had done that little extra to help someone she worked with and knew far better than me, to get over her loss.

Did I smile and flirt with her every time I saw the girl after that? Sure! She loved it. And she was very jealous of my wife, and told her so, which my wife loved! The girl would notice how my wife and I looked at each other, when we met, how we hugged, held each other, and kissed in public, and she knew that what we had together was real, with nothing phony about it.

Howard

Hey thanks Howard and your right it is very insulting to me. He thinks and pretty much says that I'm beautiful all the time. And everybody wants to sleep with me men and women. My point to him is it doesn't matter what they want or if he trust them it is all about me. What I decide TRUST ME. And I have had moments were I thought fuck it I should sleep with somebody. But I don't think wasting 17 years and messing up my 14 year olds life would be worth it. He has gotten a little better. Only because I fight back now. No more tears for me when we fight and I know how to yell also LOL it pisses him off OHHH well right.

I'm also when of those that likes people to smile. I don't deal with the depressed well it eats at me makes me sad. I am a shy person but not at the same time if that makes any sense at all. I work at a grocery store and can talk to everybody with a big smile I like to smile it's me HAPPY. One of the reasons he has a hard time dealing is because for 13 years of are relationship I didn't care about going out well I did but didn't stress it. I'm a good mom and my daughter comes first but I decided it was time to be me again a people person thats me she was about 11 than and mommy wanted to be more than just mommy. So he is having to learn to deal with me as a people person when for the first 12 years I was ok with kind of doing nothing more or less I now can say being put in a box. OPPS got to go be back when I can

[Sunshine Sam218]

My boyfriend knows. He's fine with it.

I never hide anything from him. I love him too much.

[roxie]

For most women who are having trouble with their sex lives, a little ( or a lot!) more assertiveness is all that is needed to clear the air with their husbands. The first question that comes to my mind when a woman says her husband will not pay her enough attention is, " Why would you ever let that go on for any length of time?"

Very true... but it's even MORE frustrating when you try increasing the assertiveness and it seems to make things worse. My ex was this way, unfortunately. I've never had an assertiveness problem, but I tried taking FULL control over our sex life, and sadly enough I then became the only one initiating anything (and was turned down more times than I care to count). No idea what was going on with the whole situation, he would never "really" tell me why (always he was tired, not in the mood, etc.), but needless to say it's very hard on a person's self-esteem!

(sorry, Howard, just interjecting my own story in the middle of yours! )

I was in the reverse situation, with a wife who cut me off entirely from sex after about 5 years of marriage. In her own way, she was trying to end the marriage by making me leave her, so she would be the bad guy, and not me. Being genetically impaired, I was stubborn, and didn't like giving up a fight. I finally did end the marriage. But only when everyone around me told me that I needed to get away from her and find some kind of life. As you say-- being myself. No amount of talking to her mattered or changed anything. She refused to go to counseling. If someone she knew tried to advise her, she would walk away from them and cut off all further contact with them.

Toward the end, she would only talk to me, briefly, her mother, and her lawyer, who she did not like. And, she didn't listen to her attorney, either.

I am serious about suggesting that you get your husband into counseling. If after all the years you have been married he still thinks you are planning to find someone else, he is really having mental problems, and needs professional help. Something about his self image is totally lacking, and his jealously is merely a reflection of his own self doubt. He doesn't like himself. Where that is coming from is something that a profesisonal can help him discover, and learn to deal with properly, so its not putting stress on you.

Howard

Good points, Howard, I've also wondered over the years if my ex was trying to make me the bad guy because he was too chicken to tell me he wanted out. Well, he got out in the end, after I left him. Of course we had other problems too, but the total lack of a emotional connection/intimacy/sex life was a major contributor.

Maybe counseling would help.... if he will really open up and talk to the counselor. It didn't work for us, but everyone is different.

[Infahmust]

My boyfriend knows I am on this site, I think he likes that I am taking interest in keeping our sex life HOT!!! In fact I would tell my friends about this site who want to keep things spiced up.

[KentJ]

Howard,

Oh would it be so simple...if only we would allow it to be so.

I do find your "cut to the chase" perspective, but I also know that my wife and I have some work to do on our communication skills. Both of our families were "disfunctional" (and whose wasn't). The difference is that as life's responsibilities have increased, I have been compelled to seek out professional counseling to not be controlled by my past, and my wife is operating with the notion that "you just keep going forward". I must pausem, and say that my wife is a very intelligent and accomplished woman. That said, I believe she is fearful that if she really takes advantage of therapy that she will lose who she is. I have tried to tell her that it is exactly the opposite, that she will be better aware so as to be the person SHE really wants to be, not the person that she feels others believe she needs to be. Only time will tell what will happen.

Finally, I am not hiding the fact that I not only read, but participate on this site. I just do not talk about it, as my wife finds "sexual talk" as immature. We gathered with a number of friends at the shore a few months ago, and every wife was of the opinion that all of the husbands put too much emphasis on sex. Well, I furthered the conversation by asking whether the wives felt that the husbands put the wives enjoyment primary to the husbands. All of the wives agreed that each of the husbands always worked to pleasure their wives...whenever they have sex. I then wanted to know why then was there a problem? Again, I was told that life is more than sex. My retort was that I, and all of the husbands agreed, as eveidenced by the fact that all of us were married couples, and faithful inspite of a less than optimal sex life.

"The most difficult year of marriage, is the one that you are currently in". I hope to laugh at that cliche one year!

Njoy

[Amylynn920]

Yes he knows, and he sometimes offers answers if I pose one of the questions from someone else to him on here. We talk about anything and everything, we don't have secrets.

We have a super hot sex life, and it just keeps getting better.

I don't know if he'd ever join and post, but he'd be welcome to.

[bazil323]

Yes, he knows. I brought it up for some reason...can't remember why. Anyway, I told him about the tips and the contests. He seemed to think it was silly; he can be a bit of a prude. It's funny 'cause he and his family make jokes and comments about sex and such that lead you to believe that they would be ok with sites like this, but hubby often balks at actually seeking that stuff out. He loves trying new positions, but toys and porn and forums he's not sure about. Oh well, we don't have a computer at home, so it's not a big deal. If we ever get internet access at home, I work on him a little, but don't cross your fingers. He's not all that computer savvy.

[suezq81420]

Yes my SO knows I am on here. He told me the other day he signed up, I don't think he's posted anything yet.

But when I first came to the site I was reading the articles and was like I need to share this one. So I started sending him the links and stuff. And I have to say this site has really helped me to take some of my insecurities about myself and toss them away. I always felt like I was too inexperienced even after 15+ years of sex. That is why I like this site it is not about putting a person down about their questions/concerns, but helping them to understand what they are wanting to know.

But yea he thought it was great I found the site and ordered some toys. Makes his days home for work a lot more interesting. (He's gone M-F for work)

[brandyfan411]

I am not married but if I were you Njoy, I'd tell her to sit down and watch.

The sex issue between my mom and dad is kind of like this issue. My dad wanted to branch out I guess and use different toys and such. Mom said NO (a big, fat NO) so dad moved on and left mom behind. Now my mother is pissed that she gets nothing.

I know my dad goes to sites (not this one thank goodness because I'm here lol) and buys toys, not to mention numerous amounts of videos.

Now my mother has no clue I'm here but she did, she'd probably crap her pants. To her, sex is in one position.....wait, she doesn't have sex so never mind lol. But my mom and dad barely talk anymore and this would be the reason. They honestly shouldn't have gotten married because they are totally opposite when it comes to issues like this ( and many other issues AWAY from this lol).