Members nbowdoin Posted May 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2008 husband perfers sex toys over me, now what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted May 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2008 That must be one hellofa sex toy! What exactly is it? And is it a new one? Don't get me wrong whatever it is can't be half as good as the real thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 29, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2008 husband perfers sex toys over me, now what?there just the masterbators, cyber pussy, etc. we got them in jan.08 and feb.08, he is also having trouble cumming w/missionary, but will cum w/bj. or he goes limp, then i get him hard again,on and on, so i think his masterbaters are ??? or i will put one on him and suck and lick his head and so on, But i am getting tired of him going out and using the gloves over me! i want some too! nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 29, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2008 husband perfers sex toys over me, now what?And, it can't be my pussy, last time i put my ben wa balls up there, i had trouble getting them out! nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted May 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Tell him the next time he's in the mood, you will help him with the toy, when he's good and ready slip yourself into place....see if that helps. A bit of dirty play, but it may work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 30, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Tell him the next time he's in the mood, you will help him with the toy, when he's good and ready slip yourself into place....see if that helps. A bit of dirty play, but it may workyea i know, he smokes and strokes out in the garage, so i told him when we are ALONE i would sneak out there and take over, lol, nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 30, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 It sounds as if there is a larger problem here, beyond the surface issue you state; is he having erectile issues with you, but not when he is stimming alone? This may indicate a relational issue that is part and parcel of a long term relationship, but needs attention and care so as not to get worse. In many a long term relationship, sexual dysfunctions will develop at predictable stages in the relationship. These include decreased libido, premature ejaculation, and ED in men, and alterations in orgasmic response and interest in women. In order to help y0ou better, more information is needed.Yes your right, we have come a long way in a good, bad marriage, i do not know for certain if he was, is, cheating or what ,ever, i made him a doc. apmt., a couple of months ago, then the next morning he ejaculated well, during bj., i told him yea this time what about the next???, he said to cansel the apmt. So he says he has a problem and it is not me but he will not see a doctor! . And i clean the toys, strokers ect., and he ejaculates w/ the strokers. He is a hard person to talk to also. But i have needs too, And i'm not just talking about sex, ...theres just too much to write, this has been 21 long years of a marriage, and i have done every thing i can and still trying, He says he does'nt want to seperate, I am confussed, worried, etc. nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hollybw Posted May 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Sorry to hear you are having all these problems, but I think you will find here that you are not the only one. Keep reading, and read the sex ed articles, too. Also feel free to keep asking questions here - someone is always listening on this site, and you will find many points of view. Good luck, and keep posting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted May 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 There are people here far more qualified than I so please don't take what I say as professional opinion. With my first post I thought it may just be a thing of wearing out the new with the toys. Not what I see unfolding now though. This isn't you it appears to be all him. (IMHO)! I think you are letting him off the hook way too easy. This goes further than physical need. He is FUCKING WITH YOUR MIND AS WELL! ----NOT ACCEPTABLE---- You really need to stand up here and find out why he thinks this is only about him! The gears in my head are smoking but I'm going to wait a bit before I stick my foot in my mouth(which I often do)! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 31, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 There are people here far more qualified than I so please don't take what I say as professional opinion. With my first post I thought it may just be a thing of wearing out the new with the toys. Not what I see unfolding now though. This isn't you it appears to be all him. (IMHO)! I think you are letting him off the hook way too easy. This goes further than physical need. He is FUCKING WITH YOUR MIND AS WELL! ----NOT ACCEPTABLE---- You really need to stand up here and find out why he thinks this is only about him! The gears in my head are smoking but I'm going to wait a bit before I stick my foot in my mouth(which I often do)!you are so right!!!! he has been fucking w/ my mind for a long fucking time!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 31, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 Sorry to hear you are having all these problems, but I think you will find here that you are not the only one. Keep reading, and read the sex ed articles, too. Also feel free to keep asking questions here - someone is always listening on this site, and you will find many points of view. Good luck, and keep posting. God! i love your picture!!lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted May 31, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 There are people here far more qualified than I so please don't take what I say as professional opinion. With my first post I thought it may just be a thing of wearing out the new with the toys. Not what I see unfolding now though. This isn't you it appears to be all him. (IMHO)! I think you are letting him off the hook way too easy. This goes further than physical need. He is FUCKING WITH YOUR MIND AS WELL! ----NOT ACCEPTABLE---- You really need to stand up here and find out why he thinks this is only about him! The gears in my head are smoking but I'm going to wait a bit before I stick my foot in my mouth(which I often do)! this may sound weird, but, he told me years ago that his x-girl friend who he was with before me. was into sex toys, and she began wanting the toys over him, so he thru the toys away, she left him the next day. she was fucking alot of guys too. she would send him to the store to buy the biggest cucumber he could find to use on her.. nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 31, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 Welcome Nicol.I think Iha hit on the main issue here. He most likely has a slight form of ED called 'performance anxiety' and this basically means, a man can get erect and stay erect while masturbating, culminating in orgasm, however, when he is with a 'live' person, he can not sustain an erection for the 'fear' of loosing it becomes the focus and they can not concentrate on it. When they are getting a BJ they do not think about sex - so it is easier. There are many men who have this issue - and many of them, most probably, will NOT talk about it. They are condemned to suffer because their egos are too large to admit they have an issue.There are sooooo many reasons this happens, but the fact is, when a man picks a toy over a live woman, there is always a reason. I would read my article on ED in the Sex Ed section, it may help you to understand. Then, I would suggest your man go to his doctor - perhaps he has a testosterone imbalance or needs some erectile help. The fact is, I doubt he prefers the toy over you. There is one final thing: some men like the inanimate toys because they can do the quick stroke and cum. No foreplay, no oral sex, no nothing. So, I would definitley guess this to be the issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted June 1, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Welcome Nicol.I think Iha hit on the main issue here. He most likely has a slight form of ED called 'performance anxiety' and this basically means, a man can get erect and stay erect while masturbating, culminating in orgasm, however, when he is with a 'live' person, he can not sustain an erection for the 'fear' of loosing it becomes the focus and they can not concentrate on it. When they are getting a BJ they do not think about sex - so it is easier. There are many men who have this issue - and many of them, most probably, will NOT talk about it. They are condemned to suffer because their egos are too large to admit they have an issue.There are sooooo many reasons this happens, but the fact is, when a man picks a toy over a live woman, there is always a reason. I would read my article on ED in the Sex Ed section, it may help you to understand. Then, I would suggest your man go to his doctor - perhaps he has a testosterone imbalance or needs some erectile help. The fact is, I doubt he prefers the toy over you. There is one final thing: some men like the inanimate toys because they can do the quick stroke and cum. No foreplay, no oral sex, no nothing. So, I would definitley guess this to be the issue.he has a big fucking ego that always has to be fixed, and he always has to talk about it!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted June 1, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 this may sound weird, but, he told me years ago that his x-girl friend who he was with before me. was into sex toys, and she began wanting the toys over him, so he thru the toys away, she left him the next day. she was fucking alot of guys too. she would send him to the store to buy the biggest cucumber he could find to use on her.. nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members coco_luver Posted June 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 im deployed right now an my wife sent me a toy, i have only used it 1 time. I have to say the real thing beats the hell out of that thang. but i think its more of her reaction an just being with her that makes it soo great for me. the toy not so much. oh 50 more days until r&r. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hollybw Posted June 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 God! i love your picture!!lolThanks! As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to use it. It reminds me of my husband - I am ALWAYS in the kitchen, and my husband is always coming in there trying to distract me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted June 2, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Welcome Nicol.I think Iha hit on the main issue here. He most likely has a slight form of ED called 'performance anxiety' and this basically means, a man can get erect and stay erect while masturbating, culminating in orgasm, however, when he is with a 'live' person, he can not sustain an erection for the 'fear' of loosing it becomes the focus and they can not concentrate on it. When they are getting a BJ they do not think about sex - so it is easier. There are many men who have this issue - and many of them, most probably, will NOT talk about it. They are condemned to suffer because their egos are too large to admit they have an issue.There are sooooo many reasons this happens, but the fact is, when a man picks a toy over a live woman, there is always a reason. I would read my article on ED in the Sex Ed section, it may help you to understand. Then, I would suggest your man go to his doctor - perhaps he has a testosterone imbalance or needs some erectile help. The fact is, I doubt he prefers the toy over you. There is one final thing: some men like the inanimate toys because they can do the quick stroke and cum. No foreplay, no oral sex, no nothing. So, I would definitley guess this to be the issue. Thank you for your help, how do i talk to him about wanting strokers over me without him getting pissed off?, Do i say What can i do to help you want me more than your strokers? My words are at a end with him,I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted June 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Thank you for your help, how do i talk to him about wanting strokers over me without him getting pissed off?, Do i say What can i do to help you want me more than your strokers? My words are at a end with him,IYou need to sit him down and discuss it in a non threatening way. First off be glad he's using them, it shows he's understanding that toys can be fun!I would say this but in your own way. "honey, I feel like I'm not important to you anymore. I'm really happy you love your toys, but is there something I can be doing to make it as good for you? I just feel that I'm not doing enough for you. I love you and miss being with you."Don't say "you love that better than me" or anything that makes him feel guilty or an ultimatum.I do think as I said, it's great that he found something he likes. My husband uses my toys on me but doesn't want to play with any of them alone right now. He says he'd rather have the real thing, which is ok too. Just stay loving and non confrontational.And I agree with Iha, if he is consistently picking a toy over a real person or replacing masturbation with sex consistently then there is an issue, what it is you need to find out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted June 2, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 You need to sit him down and discuss it in a non threatening way. First off be glad he's using them, it shows he's understanding that toys can be fun!I would say this but in your own way. "honey, I feel like I'm not important to you anymore. I'm really happy you love your toys, but is there something I can be doing to make it as good for you? I just feel that I'm not doing enough for you. I love you and miss being with you."Don't say "you love that better than me" or anything that makes him feel guilty or an ultimatum.I do think as I said, it's great that he found something he likes. My husband uses my toys on me but doesn't want to play with any of them alone right now. He says he'd rather have the real thing, which is ok too. Just stay loving and non confrontational.And I agree with Iha, if he is consistently picking a toy over a real person or replacing masturbation with sex consistently then there is an issue, what it is you need to find out.i will say pretty much what you said, at the right timming, otherwise i will let it go, and i'll get myself more toys to use,like the rabbit ? or go find me a man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted June 3, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 An affair is not going to solve the problem it will compound it. It sounds like you both could benefit from an honest talk, if not counseling.An affair is not going to solve anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members coco_luver Posted June 8, 2008 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2008 i agree with aiden an affair might feel like a quick fix but it will add more problems down the road. remeber if u do go with have an affair there is now 3 people involved. an that still isnt fixing the problem that you and your husband are having. solve that first before you decide on anything else an if an affair is what you still come up with then maybe you and your husband need to look at diff solutions ie separation or even divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 8, 2008 Report Share Posted June 8, 2008 i will say pretty much what you said, at the right timming, otherwise i will let it go, and i'll get myself more toys to use,like the rabbit ? or go find me a man.Right now, you're upset, hurt, and have a wounded ego (rightfully so). So, going off & having an affair would not be a great idea. And, replacing real sex with your husband with a toy, also isn't a great idea. Tit for tat, a natural response, but not overly helpful.I can tell you that I have a lot of sex toys and porn, and would NEVER choose those things over sex with my husband if he was in the mood. Sex toys are made for enhancing, not replacing real live human contact.I would go with the advise that you've been given. Talk to him. Tell him how bad it makes you feel. Ask him if there's something wrong, that he may be to ashamed to admit too. Suggest going to the doctor together. Be supportive. If you want to help your marriage survive, support, caring, understanding, and patience is going to have to be practiced here. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted June 10, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2008 Right now, you're upset, hurt, and have a wounded ego (rightfully so). So, going off & having an affair would not be a great idea. And, replacing real sex with your husband with a toy, also isn't a great idea. Tit for tat, a natural response, but not overly helpful.I can tell you that I have a lot of sex toys and porn, and would NEVER choose those things over sex with my husband if he was in the mood. Sex toys are made for enhancing, not replacing real live human contact.I would go with the advise that you've been given. Talk to him. Tell him how bad it makes you feel. Ask him if there's something wrong, that he may be to ashamed to admit too. Suggest going to the doctor together. Be supportive. If you want to help your marriage survive, support, caring, understanding, and patience is going to have to be practiced here. Good luck!Yes, i will suggest the doctor apmt. AGAIN, and yes i am hurt, this was to be fun for us, together, And it is, I have noticed he does not go to the garage as often as he did, And, i would never cheat, i am mad! hurt etc. we are talking, so thats good.He needs to understand that i want him to want me!I have a high sex drive, I love giving him bjs.,with the sex toy,, it turns me on.... he knows this, AND i am much better at it now after reading up on tootimids site, .nicol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nbowdoin Posted June 10, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2008 Yes, i will suggest the doctor apmt. AGAIN, and yes i am hurt, this was to be fun for us, together, And it is, I have noticed he does not go to the garage as often as he did, And, i would never cheat, i am mad! hurt etc. we are talking, so thats good.He needs to understand that i want him to want me!I have a high sex drive, I love giving him bjs.,with the sex toy,, it turns me on.... he knows this, AND i am much better at it now after reading up on tootimids site, .nicolps, i allso want to add that all of you are great here!!!! thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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