Your Opinion!

[pappyld04]

A little question that got me to thinking(OH SHIT, I know), do you think that couples should live together before marriage or do you think marriage should be like jumping into something with both feet? Don't give me any shit about test driving a car or buying the cow when the milk is free either!

[sun_flower969]

OMG that is so weird! My H and I were just talking about this last night seriously! Only we were talking more about the sex before marriage thing. First off we lived together for 8 mo before we got married. Not to "test it out" but just because that was the most practical thing for us at the time. I think it isn't really necessary to live together first. I do think it is important you really get to know that person so there are no surprises later on!!! Were you referring to the sex part too? Cuz I don't want your thread to go off on a tangent if not.

[pappyld04]

Sun take this in any direction you feel is appropriate! I asked for opinions not pulled punches!

[Amylynn920]

Yes I think living together is the wisest choice, because I think living together can make it easier to leave a bad relationship if it goes bad, and also you don't know someone until you live with them.

Sex before marriage, absolutely because I think sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. Plus why would two people deny themselves pleasure because society or religion tells them they have to?

[nosleepnmesa]

I believe now that couples should actually live togeather first. I have been married as we all know in the past, my first husband and I jumped right in to be honest, never lived togeather, dated alot, then he popped the question. We then found a place togeater etc.. My reasoning has changed since then. Alot of things I thought I knew about him well weren't true and he portraited himself differently once moved in togeather and married.

I now believe living togeather before marriage is in my opinion better. I rather find out all the corks in advance, if that makes sense and work threw them as they arise.

[sun_flower969]

Sun take this in any direction you feel is appropriate! I asked for opinions not pulled punches!

OK we were talking about the whole "wait until you are married to have sex thing", and did I think people should, I said NO but then thought about it... Sexual compatibility is not an immediate thing in most cases and back in the day, before media ruined our (women's) self esteem, People evolved with each other, learned from each other and grew together over the years without hangups!. These days however so many other issues come into play. I feel that it is possible to wait if the 2 people REALLY and I mean really talk about what they expect from each other sexually as well from their marriage in general. Most, if not all, people who chose to wait until marriage do it because of religious/spiritual reasons. They are afraid to have "the talk" and it is because of a repressed society. (Don't get me started!) I feel that if one of my kids decided to live with someone for awhile before marriage or if they were engaged I would not fault them for it. It is just as traumatizing however if a relationship like that ends, just like if they were married IMO because the same intimacy is there. The sharing of a home, of a bed, of a life... I could go on and on... It is really a personal choice. Are there more marriages that have survived, due to living together first, than not? I don't know. Maybe that would be something to look into! Just my thoughts

[kentuckyjoe]

Yes I think living together is the wisest choice, because I think living together can make it easier to leave a bad relationship if it goes bad, and also you don't know someone until you live with them.

Sex before marriage, absolutely because I think sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. Plus why would two people deny themselves pleasure because society or religion tells them they have to?

I feel the exact same way as aiden on this, Kim and I have been living together for five years and are getting married in the beginning of 09.

[pappyld04]

I feel the exact same way as aiden on this, Kim and I have been living together for five years and are getting married in the beginning of 09.

CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH OF YOU! Especially for making it through the live-in with the same if not more conviction towards your marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pappyld04]

I believe now that couples should actually live togeather first. I have been married as we all know in the past, my first husband and I jumped right in to be honest, never lived togeather, dated alot, then he popped the question. We then found a place togeater etc.. My reasoning has changed since then. Alot of things I thought I knew about him well weren't true and he portraited himself differently once moved in togeather and married.

I now believe living togeather before marriage is in my opinion better. I rather find out all the corks in advance, if that makes sense and work threw them as they arise.

This definitely makes sense to me, although I could see the other side of this topic. I think it's better to find out beforehand about all those little and possibly bigger things that tend to arise when you only think you know someone!

[Tyger]

I think that living together first really puts the stress of everyday life on a couple, and some couples just can't handle it. Thank goodness I lived with a few of my BFs first. The first one I lived with, was abusive after a while, and only AFTER we lived together. I would hate to be put in a more legally binding situation that's harder to get out of then just a "I don't think we should be together".

I know of a few couples that have only been with their lovers/spouses sexually. And a WOMAN told me that she always sorts of wonders if her man is truly that terrific in bed, and is curious what it'd be like to be with someone different. I mentioned that if you have to wonder, then he's probably not.

OT, but I also think that couples need to know that having a baby to save a relationship rarely works. It may stall the inevidable, but, it never ends up in a good way, relationship wize.

[pappyld04]

OK we were talking about the whole "wait until you are married to have sex thing", and did I think people should, I said NO but then thought about it... Sexual compatibility is not an immediate thing in most cases and back in the day, before media ruined our (women's) self esteem, People evolved with each other, learned from each other and grew together over the years without hangups!. These days however so many other issues come into play. I feel that it is possible to wait if the 2 people REALLY and I mean really talk about what they expect from each other sexually as well from their marriage in general. Most, if not all, people who chose to wait until marriage do it because of religious/spiritual reasons. They are afraid to have "the talk" and it is because of a repressed society. (Don't get me started!) I feel that if one of my kids decided to live with someone for awhile before marriage or if they were engaged I would not fault them for it. It is just as traumatizing however if a relationship like that ends, just like if they were married IMO because the same intimacy is there. The sharing of a home, of a bed, of a life... I could go on and on... It is really a personal choice. Are there more marriages that have survived, due to living together first, than not? I don't know. Maybe that would be something to look into! Just my thoughts

Just me here, but I think a couple now should really know each other not the front that is often put on during the wooing stage! Sexual, emotional, physical, financial and all kinds of things could be suspect anymore. Back in the day, couple really stuck to the "til death do us part" thing, but women, thank our creator(your choice here), have come to see that there is more to sex than having babies! I know there are a large number of court cases due to this but I have to wonder which is better! Just cause I'm a curious fella!

[pappyld04]

I think that living together first really puts the stress of everyday life on a couple, and some couples just can't handle it. Thank goodness I lived with a few of my BFs first. The first one I lived with, was abusive after a while, and only AFTER we lived together. I would hate to be put in a more legally binding situation that's harder to get out of then just a "I don't think we should be together".

I know of a few couples that have only been with their lovers/spouses sexually. And a WOMAN told me that she always sorts of wonders if her man is truly that terrific in bed, and is curious what it'd be like to be with someone different. I mentioned that if you have to wonder, then he's probably not.

OT, but I also think that couples need to know that having a baby to save a relationship rarely works. It may stall the inevidable, but, it never ends up in a good way, relationship wize.

I like the points you draw out there Tyger!

[vanilla_bean]

Interesting thread. I lived with one guy for a couple of years and I think it gave me experience in sorting out how live with the opposite sex which came in handy later on. My husband and I lived together, even bought a house together, before marriage. My mom was pressuring us to move in together, but his mom was appalled. Their attitudes didn't affect our decision though.

I totally expect my girls to live with their partners before marriage. It's their choice, but it seems like a good idea to me. And I expect that they would have sex before marriage. It would seem weird not to IMO.

I agree that breaking up can be equally as hard whether you're married or not.

[pappyld04]

My gf and I have been together for well over 12yrs. and we are still debating on whether we like each other!

[sun_flower969]

Just me here, but I think a couple now should really know each other not the front that is often put on during the wooing stage! Sexual, emotional, physical, financial and all kinds of things could be suspect anymore. Back in the day, couple really stuck to the "til death do us part" thing, but women, thank our creator(your choice here), have come to see that there is more to sex than having babies! I know there are a large number of court cases due to this but I have to wonder which is better! Just cause I'm a curious fella!

I agree! It's never a good idea to jump the gun!

[Darth Jesus]

This is a very interesting topic.

My personal opinion is that there is no right answer to this question. I believe that it just simply depends on the individuals making the decision. I've been married for over 10 years and sexually it's worked out great between us, and we did live together for a little while before marrying. But at the same time I know couples who barely kissed before they got married and they're doing great. On the other hand there are a number of folks on this forum who have experienced both sides of the spectrum and are apparently unhappy with their spouse. Living together with someone is not a guaranty that things will work out afterwards, it's very hard work being married and doing it successfully. But the pay off is great, you get to live with your best friend and have great sex together. BTW...In my opinion if you can't think of your girlfriend or boyfriend as your best friend, then you have no business marrying that person. In the end I think the main thing is to communicate with your partner and be open no matter what the situation may be.

[pappyld04]

Darth I hope you didn't take my smart-assed comment the wrong way on this. I couldn't run my woman off with a stick! Just neither of us are doing marriage again. All else is like a marriage but either of us can kick rocks if we so choose!

[chloegirl]

I think it's a good thing to really know the person you're planning on spending your life with....like you said, knowing their personal habits, spending habits, the sexual aspect is all good....the only problem I see is that if you've already lived together for any length of time it seems like that would take the excitement and reason out of having an actual "wedding"....I mean why go to the bother and expence of the typical nice "ceremony" if you're already living together as man and wife? Then again....is that really necessary? I don't really think so, but young women (like my daughters) still dream about the fairy tale wedding and I've already told them I'm not shelling out a bundle if they're already playing house! Of course I'm a creampuff and will probably cave no matter what but still....

[nosleepnmesa]

Some very interesting answers. CONGRATULATIONS by the way Joe. Please keep us posted on the big day!!!

[ladylove]

Darth I hope you didn't take my smart-assed comment the wrong way on this. I couldn't run my woman off with a stick! Just neither of us are doing marriage again. All else is like a marriage but either of us can kick rocks if we so choose!

Pappy, once burned twice shy??? Is that the story? Do you love this woman and want to spent the rest of your life with her, just don't want to do the legal thing? Are you willing to give up your own home to share one with someone else? Are you getting outside pressures to make this commitment? Is your decision based on what's best for your little girl and not you? It doesn't matter what any one else thinks, go with your gut!

You once gave me the best advice, that's why I believe you already know what you want, you just may insecure about it, or need conformation to feel good about it.......

Let us know how everything turns out!

Pappy, I assumed you were asking for personal reasons?????????????

[pappyld04]

Ours was a choice made from day one. She was married (her second) when we got together to a worthless piece of shit. She is now a widow and she is happy that way. There may be some division of assets if we parted ways but I don't see that happening.

No woman to date compares to the lady I should have married! If I can't give 100% I will not marry. I was lucky enough to find that once and I doubt it will come around to that extent again!

But the real reason I posted this is that I heard it on a news program and figured it would be a little something that we haven't opened discussion on too much. I sat watching my monitor for about 30 minutes or so yesterday and noone answered a thing so I just threw a new topic out there!

[pappyld04]

My x-wife has been married 3 more times and I hate what that has done to my daughter. She spent a lot of time playing babysitter for her 2 younger brothers while her mom chased her next victim! She lost a part of her childhood doing what her mother should have been. And we're talking about a female with 2 degrees that does this to her!

[ginshreve]

My x-wife has been married 3 more times and I hate what that has done to my daughter. She spent a lot of time playing babysitter for her 2 younger brothers while her mom chased her next victim! She lost a part of her childhood doing what her mother should have been. And we're talking about a female with 2 degrees that does this to her!

Unfortunately (or fortunately for some, I guess!) education does not equate to either emotional intelligence or good parenting. I'm sorry for your daughter, but the number of marriages is not the problem - your ex-wife's emotional intelligence and parenting capacity is! It is so sad when children suffer for the immaturity and mistakes of their parents.

But as to your original question, my opinions vary from day to day on this one. In reality, if I was in a loving relationship, I would probably consider moving in with someone, as it makes sense to me financially and practically, although I really don't know if I ever want to get married again - although sometimes that idea is appealing to me as well, it just depends on my mood at the time. I can't even keep a firm thought on it for the length of this answer!

I do wonder if I had lived with my (ex)husband before we married whether our ultimate incompatibility would have been obvious to us, or if we would still have been so in love/lust that we would not have recognized the problems until years after the marriage anyway. I think the latter is true; that living together wouldn't have helped us recognize issues earlier, but it might help some so I am not opposed to it. If I lived with someone now, I think I would be so much wiser about it that it might help prevent problems.

[pappyld04]

A lot of insight in that post moontide! And we just thought our parents were the only ones getting smarter as we got older! LOL!

[spanky]

In my opinion it all depends on the persons choice, my wife and moved in together just 2 months before we got married only to save some money, both had apartments. We were together almost 3 years before we had sex. I hope that if my girls move in with someone or have sex before getting married they will be safe about it. I know a couple that lived together for 12 years then got married, they were divorced in 1 year, so some could look at marriage as "just a piece of paper". To each is own. My wife and I have been married for 18 years. Some people are just that way that they have to TEST the product before buying. Some just like to dive in.