What Now?

[Thor???]

Every account has two sides, methinks.

Hello Iha -

Never had the chance to introduce myself before. You should know that I was very pleased with your professionalism a few months ago when confronted by a most difficult situation. You handled it as I knew you would, professionaly and with tact. Thank you. I'm surprised that you and Mikayla seem too defensive to look at the fact that I am not saying anything about my "side" of the story that would cast aspersions on our beloved Nymph. It is because I know that she has had extensive discussions with some of you that I made this plea for information regarding her very sudden change towards me. Often a person will open up more to friends or even acquaintances than to those closest to them - especially in matters like this. I'm sorry you didn't have anything more constructive to offer as I was secretly counting on one of you to enlighten me a little so I could try to fix this. Surely you are aware of how good our relationship was through her writings. Her association with this site has made the past year or so the best we ever had - in many ways - until the past couple of months of withdrawal and moodiness. I didn't expect to check this site again - but I survived another day and your succinct comment cried out for a reply.

[Thor???]

No offense to you cause I know you are not the one who came up with that line but IMHO that, and 'love is a many splendid thing' is about the biggest crock of cockamamie bullshit I have ever heard in my entire life. Whoever came up with 'splendid' meant to say 'splintered' and misspelled the word Obviously. Also, there is not a damn thing 'Better' good, or best about having loved and lost to the one on the recieving end of a long term relationship breakup. The truth is, to quote a line from the movie 'Rinestone' "Love is a hurtin thang. " To expect anything more is foolish.

Most relationships and marriages are based on two things #1. Money and #2 sex...take either one of those out of a relationship for very long and the vast majorty will crash and burn.

Spoken like the damaged goods you (we) are. I'm still here - no one is more surprised than I - maybe we should get the charter meeting of the club planned.

[sass]

No offense to you cause I know you are not the one who came up with that line but IMHO that, and 'love is a many splendid thing' is about the biggest crock of cockamamie bullshit I have ever heard in my entire life. Whoever came up with 'splendid' meant to say 'splintered' and misspelled the word Obviously. Also, there is not a damn thing 'Better' good, or best about having loved and lost to the one on the recieving end of a long term relationship breakup. The truth is, to quote a line from the movie 'Rinestone' "Love is a hurtin thang. " To expect anything more is foolish.

Most relationships and marriages are based on two things #1. Money and #2 sex...take either one of those out of a relationship for very long and the vast majorty will crash and burn.

Poon,

This is a very interesting post, mainly because I thought I was the only one who thought this way. Thanks for confirming that I am not alone, even if I am wrong.

MS

[Mikayla1]

I think Iha, as usual, has said it point on (you can speak for me anytime Iha).

I did not find my response to be 'defensive' - I just tried to do what I always do, lend and shed some light on a situation that is difficult at best. While you may assume that we here on site are 'all knowing' I can assure you, we are not. We know what we are told - whether that be in public forum or on PM - and we act accordingly from that point on.

You suggest that you came here looking for insight into your wife's mood changes and ultimate change of heart. The truth is, I do not know about this. I can make assumptions and those assumptions are not going to help anyone. I can suggest that you spend more time talking to her as opposed to 'digging for answers' here.

I am sorry for your situation - I truly am. As Iha poignantly states, it is rarely a one-sided story. We know one side here and not the entire side at that. You suggest that the last year has been fantastic for you and Nymph, due in part to this site. Do you then suggest that something at this site has turned her against you or made her turn her back on your marriage? Enlightenment comes in many forms, it comes with personal growth, knowledge, or soul searching. I am not sure if this site has made Nymph go on a road of enlightenment, but there must be more to it than that.

I wish you both the best - I truly do - and if you know of me through discussions with Nymph you will know that I only want what is best for 'my friend' and that, I am afraid, I have to defer to her judgment on what is or is not bes for her.

[mystofpric]

Thor???

As a product of several divorces I want to believe you when you say you have tried talking to her, in fact I do. But flip side I also understand the answers of "You wouldn't understand", or at least why she might say that which would be that she in fact doesn't think you may understand.

I only know Nymph from her reviews and beautiful pictures, and if a picture is worth a thousand words, divorce wasn't one I saw. It is my personal belief that we see in life what we want to see. While you were perhaps seeing hope, she was seeing the end, or vice versa. I do believe one person can grow distant from another, I know that as we all continue down our own paths we may not stay joined with someone else for good.

I doubt seriously that anyone was trying to imply that you are to blame and she is not. Divorce is rarely a simplae case of blame, the end of any relationship for that matter. If she truly has begun serious enlightenment then maybe it is for the best.

I am, extremely sorry for you, and for Nymph that your roads have seperated. It is however that when you both have taken the time to heal that you may again appericiate each other if only in the capacity of friends. In the mean time however, I think you need to do some serious soul searching of your own and find your new path. You are a beautiful person with a lot of love to give and your need to remember yourself before the pain and the personal-pollution of bad relationships. I wish you (and her) the best of luck!

Suzy

[Guest eminatic]

ok all i know is what has been discussed in this thread, and with that information it does make your wife out to look like a B*tch with a capital "B"

to demand a divorce with no explanation after so many years? i'd start demanding some damn answers!

[Thor???]

ok all i know is what has been discussed in this thread, and with that information it does make your wife out to look like a B*tch with a capital "B"

to demand a divorce with no explanation after so many years? i'd start demanding some damn answers!

I'm very sorry to have given you that impression of the woman who has been everything to me. Iha's post (and Mikayla's) were too close to the truth when they described the pitfalls of living for/through someone else. My life has revolved around making her happy because I feel I owe her my life - and happiness. To go from 10 years of awesome memories and 30 years of plans and dreams to the end of life as I know it is an unbearable shock - made worse by the realization that there is nothing I can do to fix it. There won't be any answers - and I can't force her to talk to me. What good would that do? I just need to find out if theere is any of me left without her. I'm afraid not.

[jhard]

Hey Thor,

I don't know to what extent you like music or not, but I thought of this song and I thought it described your situation.

If I were a painting

Captured on canvas

Alone in the portriat I would stand

And brush strokes bold

Yet soft as a whisper

The work of a feminine hand

Caught in a still life

Surrounded by shadows

And lost in a background of blue

If I were a painting

My price would be pain

And the artist would have to be you

I imagine the colors

Would all run together

If you ever allowed me to cry

So don't paint the tears

Just let me remember me

Without you in my eyes

It's only the frame

That holds me together

Or else I would be falling apart

If I were a painting

I wouldn't feel

And you wouldnt be breaking my heart

by Willie Nelson

Don't give up on yourself.

jhard

[Tyger]

Thank you Iha, but I will not disparage my husband publicly. I am decisive, I know my own mind, I did not come to this decision lightly.

Good for you TN. Whatever may happen, I hope things work out of the best for you both.

[vanilla_bean]

Thank you Iha, but I will not disparage my husband publicly. I am decisive, I know my own mind, I did not come to this decision lightly.

I admire you for this.

[Thor???]

O.K., now you are either sounding just emotionally manipulative (knowing that she likely is still reading here), or in need of hospitalization. In either case, it is YOUR problem and YOUR issue , not your SO's. But I think you should continue to think, emote, and behave in the ways you are now, IF you think that the way you have been is working. I'd like to hear her side of the problem, too.

You are probably right about the hospitalization Iha. Your previous post made me look at my entire relationship of 10 years i na new light. There is no doubt I've sublimated myself to serve her and made my living all about pleasing her. I had given up when we met and she slowly coaxed me back to the light - convinced me to trust again, and gave me 10 awesome years. I never reestablished a sense of self outside of our relationship and this sudden and unexpected loss has me in worse shape than before we met. I know I have other responsibilities - the thought of my mom mourning keeps me here, and I can continue to function by playing numb - but it is not life. I'll let the 'manipulative' comment lie where it belongs. I'm not a fool to think she would respond to remote manipulation when she doesn't respond to genuine remorse, grief, and protestations of undying love. I can see where the sugggestion is legitimate in your profession - and you don't know me - so it's ok, just wrong. Unfortunately - nothing is working. All I have is my view of our past and my dreams of our future and they clearly don't align well with hers. I am equally unable to give you any input on her side of the story - and unwilling to give you more of mine. I didn't start this thread to trash her or plead my case to a jury that can't affect the outcome. I was grasping at straws in the hope that someone would have been hearing something from her that would give me a glimmer of light - a place to start from. It seems she has kept it to herself with all of you as much as she has from me. I couldn't be sorrier, sadder, more adrift.

[Thor???]

I think Iha, as usual, has said it point on (you can speak for me anytime Iha).

I did not find my response to be 'defensive' - I just tried to do what I always do, lend and shed some light on a situation that is difficult at best. While you may assume that we here on site are 'all knowing' I can assure you, we are not. We know what we are told - whether that be in public forum or on PM - and we act accordingly from that point on.

You suggest that you came here looking for insight into your wife's mood changes and ultimate change of heart. The truth is, I do not know about this. I can make assumptions and those assumptions are not going to help anyone. I can suggest that you spend more time talking to her as opposed to 'digging for answers' here.

I am sorry for your situation - I truly am. As Iha poignantly states, it is rarely a one-sided story. We know one side here and not the entire side at that. You suggest that the last year has been fantastic for you and Nymph, due in part to this site. Do you then suggest that something at this site has turned her against you or made her turn her back on your marriage? Enlightenment comes in many forms, it comes with personal growth, knowledge, or soul searching. I am not sure if this site has made Nymph go on a road of enlightenment, but there must be more to it than that.

I wish you both the best - I truly do - and if you know of me through discussions with Nymph you will know that I only want what is best for 'my friend' and that, I am afraid, I have to defer to her judgment on what is or is not bes for her.

Thanks Mikayla-

I appreciate your good wishes and those of all the others who have written to offer them to this relative unknown. I was only the Thor in the popular Thorsnymph until now and I really do thank you all for the insights, prayers, and good wishes. I have said before that I felt nymph's activity on this site was good for her. She has made many new friends and learned a great deal about herself. It was also good for us as I got to help with experiments. From my point of view we were growing closer than ever with a brighter future than ever. If there was a problem with 'enlightenment' I'm sure it had nothing to do with this site. I have heard only positive things from nymph, have read several very informative and helpful threads, and continue to believe that nymph's activity here has had only positve effects on her - and us. Whatever this is - it's not all of you. In fact - it seems to be me.

[Thor???]

Hey Thor,

I don't know to what extent you like music or not, but I thought of this song and I thought it described your situation.

If I were a painting

Captured on canvas

Alone in the portriat I would stand

And brush strokes bold

Yet soft as a whisper

The work of a feminine hand

Caught in a still life

Surrounded by shadows

And lost in a background of blue

If I were a painting

My price would be pain

And the artist would have to be you

I imagine the colors

Would all run together

If you ever allowed me to cry

So don't paint the tears

Just let me remember me

Without you in my eyes

It's only the frame

That holds me together

Or else I would be falling apart

If I were a painting

I wouldn't feel

And you wouldnt be breaking my heart

by Willie Nelson

Don't give up on yourself.

jhard

Thanks jhard - but I think I'm going to need anew rule for posts. Nothing else that makes me cry - Gods don't cry.

[pappyld04]

Sorry Thor but gods don't get hung up on women either! As much as we'd like to think that the earth rattles with our every step it just doesn't happen bro!

[pappyld04]

'fraid so. Love your picture - almost makes me smile to see a fellow nordic god. Can you imagine doing the photography on those shoots - seeing the smiles the camera gets - that I can't. Not to mention the rest of what I'm seeing that no longer has any interest in me. She says she has expanded her mind but it doesn't seem to have made her happy... and it's destroying me.

Thor I was so hoping that I was wrong. She is such a lovely lady that I can't imagine what is going on here. Between your camera talents and her natural beauty there is little that could compare. I think I would have the same feelings as yours in this case! I hope you two find a way to work this out! I hope you understand that I refuse to say anything bad against Nymph since she and I have become somewhat friendly. I do not know anything about her reasons nor the root of these problems!

[ohshelly]

I feel sad for both of you. I am so sorry.

[Guest eminatic]

sorry if im sounding a little mad in this thread, its just that i know from experience that dumping someone without giving a reason is one of THE. WORST. THINGS. a person can do. if they want to split up, fine. but to leave you hanging, forever wondering WHY is just plain cruel and selfish.

[Rob]

sorry if im sounding a little mad in this thread, its just that i know from experience that dumping someone without giving a reason is one of THE. WORST. THINGS. a person can do. if they want to split up, fine. but to leave you hanging, forever wondering WHY is just plain cruel and selfish.

Hi Eminatic,

I completely agree with your statement. Just be mindful that we only know what we are told and don't have both sides of the story.

Rob

[Thor???]

Thor I was so hoping that I was wrong. She is such a lovely lady that I can't imagine what is going on here. Between your camera talents and her natural beauty there is little that could compare. I think I would have the same feelings as yours in this case! I hope you two find a way to work this out! I hope you understand that I refuse to say anything bad against Nymph since she and I have become somewhat friendly. I do not know anything about her reasons nor the root of these problems!

Thanks pappy. I breathe hope. Glad you can't say anything bad - I didn't come here looking for that and a few posts have rubbed me wrong. She may want a divorce - but I'm still in love. I'm confused, but not about still feeling protective.

[pappyld04]

but I'm still in love. I'm confused, but not about still feeling protective.

I understand that completely!

[Tyger]

Thanks pappy. I breathe hope. Glad you can't say anything bad - I didn't come here looking for that and a few posts have rubbed me wrong. She may want a divorce - but I'm still in love. I'm confused, but not about still feeling protective.

It's no doubt that you are confused. And, since you're still in love with Nymph, you would feel protective. Just please remember that responses are made from WHAT YOU posted. We can't delve in and see everything else that's between the lines. It's just not possible here on a website.

Also, please try and understand, that, although we value ALL of our members, Nymph has been a long-time member here and has posted a lot more than you. Even if she did PM one of us with any sort of info, well, a PM is PRIVATE message. So I doubt that anyone would divulge what was said. You could always peruse the site to see what she's written, however, I don't recall any posts of her saying anything specific about troubles in the marriage or feelings of doubt. I could be wrong though.

I understand that you're trying hard to save a marriage that you want to keep, and am going thru almost any lengths to do it. But, iha's assessment is correct in how he said you were appearing. Again, it's hard to take a tone's meaning online. No matter what, we're all trying to be helpful, in one extent or another.

Best wishes with whatever has to happen!

[jhard]

post removed...lousy mood got the better of me when I wrote it last night

[12GAUGE]

sorry if im sounding a little mad in this thread, its just that i know from experience that dumping someone without giving a reason is one of THE. WORST. THINGS. a person can do. if they want to split up, fine. but to leave you hanging, forever wondering WHY is just plain cruel and selfish.

My lady broke it off w/me. She loved me. For me the sex was the best I ever had. I wanted to love her but I had issues. Really stupid issues on my part. We are still friends but we will never again be lovers. Thats what hurts me the most. Because she loved me she went the extra mile for me. Sex was 1 way and she was the giver while I took. Without wanting to I was an asshole. I fear I will always be an asshole.

[Tyger]

My lady broke it off w/me. She loved me. For me the sex was the best I ever had. I wanted to love her but I had issues. Really stupid issues on my part. We are still friends but we will never again be lovers. Thats what hurts me the most. Because she loved me she went the extra mile for me. Sex was 1 way and she was the giver while I took. Without wanting to I was an asshole. I fear I will always be an asshole.

12, it's great that you're aware (now) of how things went wrong with this relationship. Live & learn! I'm sure it was VERY hard to take such a deep look inside yourself. The first way to avoid possible future mistakes is to recognize and be aware of them, and, of course to learn from them. Where we can't change WHO we are inside, and what makes us, well, US as individuals, learning how to curb the worst parts of you, as well as trying to retrain yourself into being a better person, will make the future SO of yours the partner of a new, improved YOU!! Best wishes!!

[pappyld04]

It's much easier for us to tell others what we see to be a problem with them than it is to look inside ourselves and see what our flaws are!