Tyger Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 OK, due to a recent thread that, again, is going astray, please people, let's remember a few things here.First off, though many of us are close, and consider us "friends", however, please let's be respectful and courteous in our answers, even to those that we may not care for as much. And, if a poster happens to be one that you don't particularly care for as much, then really think about what you want to say FIRST. Don't let your feelings for the poster get in the way of the topic.If you've made your point in a response, fine, maybe a follow up after, then move on. Most of us, including myself, have let some posts really dig into us more than it really should've.You may not like what one person has to say, and that's totally normal. Nobody gets along with EVERYONE they meet. There's going to be a differences of opinions. You have a few choices when you come across a post that irritates you:1. Respond to it, make your point, but please don't insult anyone.2. DON'T respond.3. PM the person and ask them to explain what they meant, or how it made you feel. However, if you do this, most rules of a forum are off, since a PM means PRIVATE Message. One may speak more bluntly, and sometimes more rudely, in a PM. I've had this happen a few times. However, I have found that a more direct approach not only clears things up, but adds less arguing on the forums.4. If someone has personally offended you (directed rude/mean comments to YOU as a person), then you may report them.I know that I can come across as blunt, and have had to explain what I've meant, a bit more in detail. I don't use "flowery" adjectives to make a point, and it can come across wrong. However, in VERY few of my posts have I directly insulted someone. The last one was a long time ago, and I grew from that experience as well, and don't do it anymore. Adding something like WADR (with all due respect), or "I mean this as nicely as possible/kindly as possible", or even "please don't take this the wrong way" can be a great diffuser.There are several members on here that have, either gone thru a bad relationship experience recently, or are pretty direct, and sometimes rude in their responses. They may strike us as raw. However, if someone asks a question, or comments, please, try and keep responses directed to the orginal topic. Let's not take what they're asking personally. It's hard to do at times, but, it can be done. If something really bugs you about a post, don't comment on it right away. Think it over. Take some time, reread it after a long break. I've done this a few times, and so have some of the other members. I've discussed a few posts with them, on the phone, and then respond. What do you REALLY want to say? Don't let your first reaction, which could be over-emotional, be the one on the forum if you may think you will regret it later on, ok? Sometimes putting some thought into a post can be more helpful.I know I've posted similar threads before, but, I don't want the New Year to be all about drama. This post isn't directed at one person, but all of the members here. We need to ensure that new members, as well as the "old timers" alike, feel comfortable posting on here, no matter what the topic or question, and not like they're going to be judged harshly.Much love to you all!Respectfully,Tyger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Excellent! Thanks Tyger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 I agree!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jesso Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Here here Tyger!!!!!Seems like friendly reminders are always needed with a large group PLEASE, if a post irritates you, perhaps try doing what you might in life. Walk away, cool off, collect your thoughts and see if it still bugs you the same. If it does, as Tyger said, make a point. Maybe comment twice. But be careful to let a thread get too heated. I would hate for any newbies or lurkers to feel uncomfortable about making a post because a lack of open communication develops. You can also always contact a moderator if you think something is getting too heated or out of line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thanks GIRL! My thoughts exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 I agree and please dont' take this the wrong way. The same people though are PMing people and being VERY rude in those. I have had those and tried to ignore it, but I am fining it is the same person or persons every time but to me I feel like they get a slap on the wrist and are done. I have had very bad experiences but that does not give permission for someone to get away with their tone or how they treat someone.Yet that is how it keeps getting dismissed. That oh they were hurt or such. I have been hurt, cheated on and abused even after I joined TT. These were all very severe, but not once did I interject those into a post and thing that I had permission to because everyone knew feelings were still raw for me. I am sorry but I disagree with some of the double standard that does seem to happen. I know it is part of life, but still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 The Admonition and VowIn a world that has so much pain in it, I still search for why people create more of it. It causes me to be profoundly sad. Be gentle with people. We never know what hidden wounds they have. My offering of gentleness, kindness and good humor might just be healing for the other. If I am in pain, I will just tell you so, not take my own pain and pass it on to you.For pain passed on does not stay the same, it multiplies and contaminates tenfold. I will share my pain with you, and if you respond with compassion and empathy, my pain is likely to ease. If you ignore me, or find it hard to relate, then I must be patient, and wait for the one who will willingly and lovingly attend to me. In turn, I will receive your pain, and do the same for you.I heart that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members makasha1 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Tyger and IHA, Kudos to both of you. VERY well said.I just hope that I am not unwittingly one of the offenders. If so, please tell me quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Meg Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Thank you for this post Tyger.I find it so upsetting that this needs to be said once again.To everyone: Please try to keep in mind that what you feel is offensive, rude, hurtful, whatever, etc. may not be taken that way to another person. Some people are more sensitive than others. As someone else has mentioned before; the tone of a post is extremely hard to read and everyone interprets words differently. As administrators and moderators, we have to objectively look at situations, and posts to determine what we feel is the appropriate course of action if the post is rude, hurtful or out of line. Some of you may not agree with it, and some of you may even feel that the "punishment" was not enough, or just "a slap on the wrist" but that's just the way it is. If someone; as shortstuff02 has stated, is private messaging you and being rude you have three options: you can ignore them, you can flag the post, and/or you can message a moderator or administrator with the problem. My suggestion is to simply ignore the person and the things they are saying if you don't like it (that's what I would do.) When you message the administrator or moderator with problems I encourage you to forward the message and/or post as an example; especially if someone is private messaging you so that we can actually READ what that person is saying to you personally. Keep in mind that if you report someone, that doesn't mean that we're going to automatically delete them, or kick them off the board.-Meg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 The Admonition and VowIn a world that has so much pain in it, I still search for why people create more of it. It causes me to be profoundly sad. Be gentle with people. We never know what hidden wounds they have. My offering of gentleness, kindness and good humor might just be healing for the other. If I am in pain, I will just tell you so, not take my own pain and pass it on to you.For pain passed on does not stay the same, it multiplies and contaminates tenfold. I will share my pain with you, and if you respond with compassion and empathy, my pain is likely to ease. If you ignore me, or find it hard to relate, then I must be patient, and wait for the one who will willingly and lovingly attend to me. In turn, I will receive your pain, and do the same for you. IDK if this is your own or taken from another but it is very fitting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MarieMarie Posted January 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2009 Would this be a bad time for me to pick a fight? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kisskat Posted January 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2009 Agree!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted January 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2009 Like you Pappy, most everything I do is original.Just my opinion, but, that is excellent work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted January 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Thank you for this post Tyger.I find it so upsetting that this needs to be said once again.To everyone: Please try to keep in mind that what you feel is offensive, rude, hurtful, whatever, etc. may not be taken that way to another person. Some people are more sensitive than others. As someone else has mentioned before; the tone of a post is extremely hard to read and everyone interprets words differently. As administrators and moderators, we have to objectively look at situations, and posts to determine what we feel is the appropriate course of action if the post is rude, hurtful or out of line. Some of you may not agree with it, and some of you may even feel that the "punishment" was not enough, or just "a slap on the wrist" but that's just the way it is. If someone; as shortstuff02 has stated, is private messaging you and being rude you have three options: you can ignore them, you can flag the post, and/or you can message a moderator or administrator with the problem. My suggestion is to simply ignore the person and the things they are saying if you don't like it (that's what I would do.) When you message the administrator or moderator with problems I encourage you to forward the message and/or post as an example; especially if someone is private messaging you so that we can actually READ what that person is saying to you personally. Keep in mind that if you report someone, that doesn't mean that we're going to automatically delete them, or kick them off the board.-Meg[/qJust so we know, how is a person notified if they have been banned from the board? Is a warning given? How is this done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Meg Posted January 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Just so we know, how is a person notified if they have been banned from the board? Is a warning given? How is this done?We don't ban people without reason; generally the person(s) being banned will know why they were banned. We may give a warning, we may not. It really depends on the situation. Banning someone isn't something we want/like to do and it is not taken lightly!If a person does get banned from the site, an email may or may not be sent to let them know, but really - if someone has been banned then they probably knew that it was coming and they know why. It is up to the discretion of the administrator doing the banning as to the notification. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted January 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Thanks Tyger. Excellent post and mirrors my thoughts as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts