Cheating?

[christinaf085]

I am just curious because after reading a post last week about "would you want to know if they are cheating" i got thinking and talking to a few friends, people seem to have different views of what is and is not cheating. So, in your opinion what is cheating and what is ok? (ex: they can't have real sex but you don't care about cyber sex with others) And if you caught your significant other doing any sexual things with another what would you do

[mystofpric]

To me cheating is anything physical, like a kiss can be innocent but making out is making out! Or the emotional where they aren't doing anything with them just thinking about someone else when they are supposed to be with you! That can be just as painful. Cyber sex is iffy for me. but Caming would definitely be cheating.

[jhard]

To me cheating is anything physical, like a kiss can be innocent but making out is making out! Or the emotional where they aren't doing anything with them just thinking about someone else when they are supposed to be with you! That can be just as painful. Cyber sex is iffy for me. but Caming would definitely be cheating.

I must be old, what is "caming"?

j

[square]

I must be old, what is "caming"?

Mebbe usin' one them thar weird eyeball-looking video camera things mounted to a compyuter so as folk way acrosst on th'uther side o' th'innernet can see whutcher upta? In this particular sense, showin' off somma yer sex parts?

[ladylove]

Mebbe usin' one them thar weird eyeball-looking video camera things mounted to a compyuter so as folk way acrosst on th'uther side o' th'innernet can see whutcher upta? In this particular sense, showin' off somma yer sex parts?

:lol: :lol:

[Guest eminatic]

i agree with suzy, there is a such thing as emotional involvement with someone else that could be classified as cheating. basically anything that your partner is not aware of or ok with is cheating.

[sun_flower969]

Mebbe usin' one them thar weird eyeball-looking video camera things mounted to a compyuter so as folk way acrosst on th'uther side o' th'innernet can see whutcher upta? In this particular sense, showin' off somma yer sex parts?

LMFAO hahahaha Nice!

I will chime in to say, to me cheating is something you do behind your SO's back, You don't want them to know about it and you know deep down it is something that would hurt them if they knew. Cheating starts in the dark, where no one knows or sees!

A kiss, an affair, even cyber, yeah to me it all counts! Maybe I could be called a hypocrite for some things but hey that's what I believe.

Everyone gets tempted, it's what you DO with that temptation!

[jhard]

Mebbe usin' one them thar weird eyeball-looking video camera things mounted to a compyuter so as folk way acrosst on th'uther side o' th'innernet can see whutcher upta? In this particular sense, showin' off somma yer sex parts?

Well, if that is cheating then it is first and foremost cheating the "Camey". What a joke. A complete degradation of the human sexual experience. I am kind a proud that I did not know what "caming" meant.

j

[Tyger]

Ya know, I answered this, but my post got eaten up by the hungry Internet Gremlin, apparently! LOL

Cheating, to me, is any sort of physical and/or emotional (romantic/sexual) involvement with someone other than your SO.

I think that if you have a long-term, romantic affair, that it's more damaging & hurtful to your SO though. Even if they never find out about it, it's the ultimate betrayal, IMO.

[Shariana]

if he does something sexual or romantic (that he would normally do with me) with someone else without my knowledge (and approval...), that's cheating. Cybering and camming for sure.

I know some people that think of porn as cheating.... but as long as he doesn't expect me to look like the porn stars, I'll even watch it with him! I personally love porn!

[sass]

I will chime in to say, to me cheating is something you do behind your SO's back, You don't want them to know about it and you know deep down it is something that would hurt them if they knew. Cheating starts in the dark, where no one knows or sees!

...

I agree with this. Each relationship is different. I may not mind if SO forum or chat flirts, as long as an obvious line isn't crossed. If it gets to the point that either of us doesn't feel comfortable with the other seeing what has been written or hearing what as been said - then that is cheating.

For me, cheating does not have to involve physical interaction. However, there are times that physical interaction is not cheating (3somes for example) so I think it all depends on the intent and openess.

[ladylove]

I agree with at least some parts of each of the previous posts. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal (tyger) weather it's with your heart, head, or body. cheating is cheating, and I'd want to know.

[Pierre]

My fiancee and I recently had a talk. A long time ago, I saw some text messages from her and an old friend, whom she slept with. I understand that they were good friends, and she would tell me some of the things they talked about. I told her he wanted her, and it wasn't until he started to talk dirty to her that she believed me. The only thing is, she claims she didn't take it seriously. I read the texts, and I believe her, but it was hard to get over. She was in and out of sleep at the time, and he was sending all the long, sexual texts, and all her answers were "lol" and "yeah." Nothing from her indicated she really wanted it. And I would have to believe, if you got yourself into that type of conversation on purpose (as I have many times myself), you are saying a little more than that if you really mean it. I was still hurt though.

Recently, after about 7 months of not talking to him, he has sent a couple messages to her asking how we were. A couple forward jokes over the phone, etc. She knows it made me uncomfortable and it led us into a great talk. I told her I found myself in a few naughty text convos myself, but she figured I had been, and it wasn't a major deal to her. It bothered her a little, but not upsetting at all.

My question is based off something a friend told me. I guess its normal, or expected by females, that a lot of younger guys will do that type of thing, but it is far rarer for a female to do the same thing. The ladies are also a lot less interested in acting on those types of things as well, supposedly. So my question is, is what we did cheating in your opinion?

[elektra]

i dont think so, because she was non responsive to the texts right,she said lol and yeah

but sometimes inaction is action - by not saying no im sorry u cant talk to me that way is still making herself kinda open to it right even if she doesnt say yes baby i want you too etc.

for me even dirty talk with someone is a cheatin thing..

i want to give everything to my boyfriend, whenever he needs or wants it, even if i don't feel like it... i always want to please him and if he were to even talk dirty to another girl on line i would be mad..

if he said i did it cause he was horny

i would be like if ur horny talk to me, text me call me email me for fucks sake i have an iphone i check everything right away lol i want to be enough for him and to be the person who can please him all the time, everytime and i dont want him even feeling for a second he needs to get it from someone else.

[christinaf085]

My fiancee and I recently had a talk. A long time ago, I saw some text messages from her and an old friend, whom she slept with. I understand that they were good friends, and she would tell me some of the things they talked about. I told her he wanted her, and it wasn't until he started to talk dirty to her that she believed me. The only thing is, she claims she didn't take it seriously. I read the texts, and I believe her, but it was hard to get over. She was in and out of sleep at the time, and he was sending all the long, sexual texts, and all her answers were "lol" and "yeah." Nothing from her indicated she really wanted it. And I would have to believe, if you got yourself into that type of conversation on purpose (as I have many times myself), you are saying a little more than that if you really mean it. I was still hurt though.

Recently, after about 7 months of not talking to him, he has sent a couple messages to her asking how we were. A couple forward jokes over the phone, etc. She knows it made me uncomfortable and it led us into a great talk. I told her I found myself in a few naughty text convos myself, but she figured I had been, and it wasn't a major deal to her. It bothered her a little, but not upsetting at all.

My question is based off something a friend told me. I guess its normal, or expected by females, that a lot of younger guys will do that type of thing, but it is far rarer for a female to do the same thing. The ladies are also a lot less interested in acting on those types of things as well, supposedly. So my question is, is what we did cheating in your opinion?

I would have to say if you told her you were uncomfortable with it and she kept talking to him, or she wouldn't let you see what was being said yes. I don't think thats cheating b/c she wasn't responding sexually but I do think she was wrong and I would have been hurt for even responding and letting the "long, sexual texts" go further than 1. I found my self in a similar situation recently except that I found that some slut, who knew he had a me, send my bf nude pics via cell phone. he kept them b/c he thought they were the same as porn. this made me really unhappy, it wasn't cheating but hurt me. we had a long talk about what is and is not cheating and he did admit to "kind of having cyber sex" a few months ago. I DO consider cybering cheating and again he things of it as just a form of porn. he know it upsets me now, and has promised not to do it again. We are working on things but its going good, still if I found out he did it again or find dirty pics that aren't real porn or of me we are going to have a major problem.

did that answer your question?

[jhard]

Most guys I know would consider "LOL" and "yeah" to be positive responses to sexual messages, thereby inviting more.

j

[Pierre]

Its hard to say. I mean, I had gotten over it until he recently talked to her again, and she didn't think of it as much because it was really only 2 texts from him, one from her this past time, just seeing how things were. But thinking back like 7 months ago or so, I remember how the whole conversation went down. It we recently his bday and she asked him about it, and he complained some about his girlfriend, and an inactive sex life as of late. He then led it into sexual talk, like saying he had to take care of himself, all she said was sorry?. Like kind of blowing it off. He sent like another one about his size, and she didn't really say anything besides oh really? then he tried to actually hook up with her, and she stopped talking. So it wasn't anything that went on for a while, and she didn't even try to defend herself. She just called it a stupid mistake, thought he wasn't serious at first, she wasn't even paying too much attention because she was in and out of sleep, and that I deserve better.

The big thing about her is that when we were first getting together, she had never had a real boyfriend before. She never found anyone worth it, and was afraid everyone was just using her after she had a couple of bad things happen. One of the first things I learned about her is that she has trouble standing up for herself, and telling people no. One guy kept sending her nude pics prior to us dating, asking her to show her friend, which I found awkward. Another guy from out of town kept confessing his mistake of not going for her, and while she never said much about it, it took me finally getting angry, for her to yell at that guy. Her way of dealing with it was always ignoring it, or blowing it off, with everything.

It was great going over 6 months without having to deal with any of these random guys popping up, and then the worst one of them all came back. Sure, he did nothing wrong that I know of, but it still brought back a lot of my insecurities. In my heart though, I honestly want her to be able to talk to her friends, even if guys like this. The problem is she has to show me enough proof that nothing is going on. In my brain, I trust her, but I still get unsettling feelings about it all, just because I know what could be happening, but I have a past of being paranoid. She knows now if I know whats going on, whats being said for a while, I can start to trust her without any problems again, and that is what our nice, long talk was about.

Im with her all the time, so I feel that if something had happened, I would have caught onto something. I know this girl cares about me a lot. She told me how much I make her happy, because she was depressed before me due to a lot of family issues. Her family loves me for the most part. I do everything to help this girl, and she enjoys a lot of the same activities I do, so we have a lot of fun together. She mentioned taking things slower a long time ago, and even taking a break. I listened to her rules about it, and what she wanted to do, but it didn't last. She wanted to see me less. She wanted to back off with the sex and intimacy, but it didn't work. We were still going at it a lot, and closer than ever. We love being around each other. When she mentioned going on the break, she knew she wasn't going to leave me. And if we ever split, I was told I would be her booty call for life, which actually made me feel great. Still, I just want to know if you all think I am stupid for still being around this girl.

[mailahn97]

Maybe I am strange but so be it. I honestly don't consider cybering or camming cheating. Granted if you are hiding it form your SO then to me I think you may have crossed the line. He and I have talked about it and are open about what we have done. There are no secrets with that. I know we have a trusting relationship. I know he cybers and that doesn't bother me in the least. We know how we feel about each other. I have friends here that have seen this side of him and asked several times are you sure. It honestly does not bother me at all. He loves me and I love him. If it was face to face physical in person that is a different story.

I agree that a threesome is the only difference when it comes face to face as that is not cheating.

Camming doesn't bother me either. I feel the same way. I think it all boils down to trust and if you trust each other and that everyone involved is aware of its true meaning. That it isn't a new relationship beginning and such. Just some fun to be had and that is all.

[christinaf085]

Maybe I am strange but so be it. I honestly don't consider cybering or camming cheating. Granted if you are hiding it form your SO then to me I think you may have crossed the line. He and I have talked about it and are open about what we have done. There are no secrets with that. I know we have a trusting relationship. I know he cybers and that doesn't bother me in the least. We know how we feel about each other. I have friends here that have seen this side of him and asked several times are you sure. It honestly does not bother me at all. He loves me and I love him. If it was face to face physical in person that is a different story.

I agree that a threesome is the only difference when it comes face to face as that is not cheating.

Camming doesn't bother me either. I feel the same way. I think it all boils down to trust and if you trust each other and that everyone involved is aware of its true meaning. That it isn't a new relationship beginning and such. Just some fun to be had and that is all.

my problem with cybering or camming is that I wasn't there and he initially tried to hide it from me. it was only once and as he felt differently than me I have moved on but I am horney pretty much ALL of the time and so is he, but if he does it with out me I get little or no sex when i get home. I just didn't like that he would do things behind my back. Its something i'd like to watch and be part of, but if its sexual i want to be part of it. i'm ok with mastrubating to porn when i'm not home but even that i like to watch some times.

[mailahn97]

my problem with cybering or camming is that I wasn't there and he initially tried to hide it from me. it was only once and as he felt differently than me I have moved on but I am horney pretty much ALL of the time and so is he, but if he does it with out me I get little or no sex when i get home. I just didn't like that he would do things behind my back. Its something i'd like to watch and be part of, but if its sexual i want to be part of it. i'm ok with mastrubating to porn when i'm not home but even that i like to watch some times.

I can understand your point there with him trying to hide it. Obviously he felt he had done something wrong and was higing it. We are different. First off we don't live together, but this has never come between us. It is interesting as we will be like oh what have you neen up to and it is just normal conversation for us if it has gone on. Just we are comfortable in all of that and know where we stand.

True it is unfair if it is taking away some of the action between the two of you, but in my case that has not happened. This is something that is best talked about. As always complete open communication is the key and that is something that we have.

[ladylove]

Most guys I know would consider "LOL" and "yeah" to be positive responses to sexual messages, thereby inviting more.

j

Interesting... I didn't realize LOL was an invitation for more. I really thought it just showed laughter.

Pierre, it is my opinion you both are playing with fire, however, it is not for us to tell you either yes or no. Each couple makes up their own set rules as they go along. If this is something that is uncomfortable for you and you don't feel like it is healthy for the relationship then you have to tell her you would prefer if she didn't acknowledge the text, or maybe ask him to stop... something, any alternative that would be ok for you. Never demand or tell her what to do.

[sass]

Hmmm, interesting points mentioned here.

I guess for me, so much as to do with honesty. If SO is having a flirty chat with someone and I know it and he doesn't try to hide it, then it is just flirting. Heck, I am a major flirt and I don't mean anything by it, so I can understand. However, if he has a conversation with a woman about ... say, the weather, and he hides it from me, then I have a major problem with it. To me, if he is trying to hide it, then HE feels it is wrong. If it is just talk or chat, and he feels it is wrong, then there is something more there than flirting or having fun.

And this is a two-way street. Ex-FWB and I have reason to have to talk often. I have no problem sitting right in front of SO and talking with ex-FWB on the phone. Why? Because I KNOW nothing is going on and I have nothing to hide. I chat with male friends online with SO sitting right next to me and I am perfectly fine with him looking over and reading what I am saying. I even have one chat friend who will tell me that if SO messes up, he is going to come steal me away. I don't have a problem with SO reading that and my reply is generally something like "thanks, I will keep that in mind, but all is well with SO."

Now, with LOL being an invitation, I get was J is saying. I think it depends on what the LOL is in response to. If ex-FWB sent me a text that said he misses Ms. Puss and wants to visit me at work so we can sneak away to the back room, then yeah, LOL could be seen as an invitation to that. Not that he would send that message, but if he did, I think the proper reply would be to nip in the bud right then with a definite NO. If, however, I got that message from the guy who lives two states away and who I have never met face-to-face, well then an LOL would be an OK reply. Make sense?

I guess with all of this, it all depends on the relationship(s) and the intent. I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer or a one-size-fits-all answer to these types of questions.

[mailahn97]

I agree there is no wrong or right answer. Each relationship is different.

[ladylove]

Now, with LOL being an invitation, I get was J is saying. I think it depends on what the LOL is in response to. If ex-FWB sent me a text that said he misses Ms. Puss and wants to visit me at work so we can sneak away to the back room, then yeah, LOL could be seen as an invitation to that. Not that he would send that message, but if he did, I think the proper reply would be to nip in the bud right then with a definite NO. If, however, I got that message from the guy who lives two states away and who I have never met face-to-face, well then an LOL would be an OK reply. Make sense?

I guess with all of this, it all depends on the relationship(s) and the intent. I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer or a one-size-fits-all answer to these types of questions.

Since I've never had a FWB or inappropriate texts, I just didn't know; But I can see what your saying.

[ohshelly]

I think when a guy cheats on you, you should be able to smack him in the head, just once, with a baseball bat.

My opinion only. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do.