thurisas

I think this is a semi-common fantasy for men. I'm the same way in that I wouldn't mind seeing my wife with another man. It isn't a fantasy I go out of my way to recall but it does pop into mind from time to time and I get horny as all get-out. For me, 80% of getting off is watching and listening to my wife get off. To see another man doing it is just another twist to this. You really need to be careful how you approach this if you decide to do it, though, because if your relationship isn't rock solid, you could be ruining what you have. The real question is why are YOU interested in it? Is there some way you two could emulate the fantasy that has no risk of harming your relationship? Thurisas.

I think you probably can't go wrong if you get a simple bullet. My wife has reviewed several here now and loves them all. They're non-threatening, versatile, and you can find one that has a dial control to ease your wife into the vibrations. It's really fun to give your partner back-arching orgasms with a combination of a bullet, your tongue, and your fingers. Check through the reviews thread and I'm sure you can find a few. Some we have and love are the Glow in the dark Egg, the Silver Bullet, and the Glittering Egg. Thurisas.

Have you considered making up your own card game? A pack of index cards and a pen could work wonders in helping you communicate your wants, needs, and desires. The concept is simple enough, you take one of the index cards and write down on it an act that you would like to perform or have performed on you. You then take the card and put it in a place where your SO can find it. It is your SO's right to either reject the card citing their reasons or keep the card in the "deck". Now it's their turn and you have the same choice to make. This will help with a few things, it will help you both see what it is your lover does and doesn't want to do in a such a way that you can distance yourself from any embarassment you might feel. It will also help to open up conversation on the topics that interest either of you. It will also keep you both in a more flirtatious mood as while you make the deck up you will be keeping sex a constant in your thought process for both of you. Lastly, it will set you up to make several types of games based around the cards after you have a significant amount of them. Want a board game? Count your cards and number each of them and then place the numbers on the board in whatever manner suits you. Make sure to add some hangups to the board(ie. go back 5 spaces) and you can specialize them however you want. Grab a couple of condoms for game pieces and a a single die and you're on your way. Roll the die and whatever number you land on is the numbered card you use. Want something more simple? Shuffle the deck and then have your SO pick a card. You can use the cards to be direct too. Take one out and leave it in your SO's briefcase or something along those lines to let them know exactly what's going to happen when they get home. How about the card toss into the hat game? Choose the cards you like the best out of the deck, grab an overturned hat or a bowl and go head to head with your SO. The first card into the container is the one you use. When you've exhausted that one, play again. The biggest thing is to be sure you keep adding to the deck. The real fun is coming up with fun and exciting things to do. Use your imagination and I'm sure you can come up with tons more things to do. Thurisas.

It seems like you're going through a fairly classic case of slowdown after the heat of the initial dating period. This happens frequently with couples and is not really uncommon. There are some other underlying issues here though. He seems like a workaholic for one. I understand that some jobs require a lot from people but 6 days, 10-12 hour days puts him at between 60-72 hours which is a lot of stress on the body and mind. That in itself can decrease sex drive especially now that he's the only source of income. You also pointed out that he said he really care for sex too, this probably has something to do with him looking at sex as cutting into his rest time from work. He's making a fundamental mistake here and could be viewing sex as another job he has to perform. It's been said a thousand times on this forum...Sex is adult playtome. He has to re-realize that. For your part, you really should try to back off a little bit for the moment without being cold towards him. You both really need to sit down in a neutral place and talk this through as well. It should not be at a time when either of you wants to have sex. Howard has posted many times some ground rules for this sort of talk and you can find them somewhere in the forums if you do a search. I think one of the best things you could do now is go the the Sex Education tab under the Too Timid banner and check out Mikayla's article on mismatched sex drives. That being said, some of the things you can do to improve your situation are changing up your sex routine after you've had your talk. Try waking him up a little earlier on a morning he has to work with a blow job. Or set the alarm early so that you can join him in the shower. Try to start making date nights so that you two can start connecting outside of the home again. If you have the option to do so, flirt with him all day by phone and let him know what you want to do to/with him. There are many things along these lines that you can do that will get you both back in the mood. Thurisas.

My wife loves to be bit...I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to biting though. I don't mind gentle nips and the like but there are times when my wife has said she had to hold back because she wanted to take a chunk out of me and if I'm not absolutely caught up in the sex, I don't really care for it. Thurisas.

My biggest question is why? Why would your boyfriend suggest it...has he asked to watch? Why are you considering it? Why would you do it with an underling of his where sexual harrassment could become a problem? If you do go through with it just keep in mind that it can(maybe/maybe not) create tension that will ripple through your personal and his professional life. If you are to engaged, it seems to me that you both have decided to commit yourself to each other, why bring a third party into the mix now? Thurisas.

Jealousy is a normal thing, I think, but you're taking it a bit to the extreme. You have put a lot of energy into staking a claim for this man and it seems you want to make sure it sticks. Fine, but you're likely to find that sort of emotion is going to be extremely transparent no matter how well you think you're hiding it and it will start to put stress on the relationship. The first thing you really need to stop doing is comparing yourself to others whether they be on TV or walking down the street. There is diversity in people and you should like yourself for who you are as well as what you aren't. Face it, you have one thing that none of them do...him. If that isn't enough for you I think you're in for some rough times ahead. The better thing for you to do is to start enjoying the scenery with him. My wife and I make comments all the time when we see people we find attractive or when we see someone who we think the other might find attractive. That can give you a feeling of control over a situation that likely needs no control but it will also teach you about your SO's likes and dislikes. As far as his stopping the compliments...well...he's an idiot for that. We all like to be reassured that we're still attractive, that we're still useful, that we're still loved. He needs to pick that habit right back up. I would even venture to say that you should have a nice conversation with him about your feelings in such a way that isn't accusatory, but more open to mature conversation. Thurisas.

Many types of electronics are built around battery technology. I've seen this happen tons of times in cameras. While batteries are the same size, the way they're built is often different. In some, the positive end of the connector is more nubby and in others stubby. If the connectors in your product(I don't own an Omibod BTW) are geared toward one type of battery, you may have some issues with them being too snug when not using a like-shaped battery. Thurisas.

Welcome to the fold and please don't be shy. You've probably noticed that questions asked get answered. If you're curious about something, ask, if you see someone asking about a subject you're familiar with feel free to answer. It's been said and said again, we're all teachers here and we're all students. Thurisas.

I'm going to chime in here just because I am a guy whose sex-life HAD crumbled in the past because my wife really wasn't into it for a long period of time due to personal conflicts as well as some I and we had caused together. You have two options there, you can put your energy into someTHING else...or you can put your energy into someONE else. It seems he's chosen someTHING else which is probably the better way to go if you wish to remain faithful. I did the same thing and guess what it was? On-line games. I started to invest a lot more time in the RPGs because there didn't seem to be a huge point in investing it in my relationship anymore and I was playing in a world where I could be whatever I wanted. In my mind there was no point to putting my energy in making advances on my wife because it never led anywhere no matter how I approached it. We'd grown apart as a married couple and reverted more to our friendship that had existed before marriage and were able to work through a bunch of our problems. She started to desire sex more but I stalled in reacting sexually because I was thinking we'd probably have sex once or twice and then it would be back to the norm I had gotten used to. I didn't really want to get my hopes up . Once we did get going, though, we started having sex more and more regularly and we haven't really faltered since. In fact, I'm thoroughly overjoyed at our frequency now and I think our sex-drives are pretty well matched. It all comes down, like all things in a relationship, to communication with your partner. If you aren't able to talk then it will all fall apart. I think you really need to let him know the whys and wherefors as to why your sexual relationship changed in the first place and then let him know that you've found a balance and really want to get him into bed or on the aforementioned living room floor. Thurisas.

If you're thinking about pursuing another man, then I would have to venture a guess that your life with your husband isn't as great as you are saying it is. Don't get me wrong, it's fine and natural to have feelings for and fantasies about other people, but the fact that you are thinking of acting upon it is the real problem. What is it that your husband isn't providing for you that your boss could? Is it worth it to throw away the life you have now for the life that may or may not be possible with this other man? Are you willing to deal with upheaval in both your personal and professional life? Have you thought about the professional ramifications? Most companies have very strict rules on romantic behavior between coworkers and especially between management and their subordinates. In fact, sexual harrassment doesn't even necessarily have to be between the two people involved in a relationship if it is making a third party(say, a co-worker) uncomfortable. Consider it well before you take that step. The cornerstone of any relationship is trust and communication. It would probably be best if you started talking to your husband to find out where the real root of the problem lies and whether or not you want to continue your relationship with him. You should absolutely do this before you even consider pursuing another man. Thurisas.

I think what makes it appealing is it is one more control. If you use the gag you take away the ability to effectively speak just as a blindfold takes away the ability to effectively see and restraints take away the ability to effectively move. The thing with the ball gag is that it hampers your ability to utter your safe word effectively as well so you will have to find another signal. Keep in mind I am not into the heavy bondage thing(just the light stuff ) and I have no practical experience. Thurisas.

I have to add here that I still feel it is unwise to use any product that numbs you to pain during sex. Pain is your body's way of telling you something is wrong and when you interrupt that warning then you could be setting yourself up for a more serious issue. While Anal Eze and benzocaine aren't too strong numbing agents, they are still a numbing agent and should be approached with due caution and respect. Thurisas.

My wife amazed me when she told me she was on this site. I was amazed that she was even interested in the type of exploration that we enjoy today. Needless to say, I'm the luckiest guy alive. I can't imagine most other guys not feeling the same once they've actually checked the site out and see what sort of advice is offered here. Thurisas.

It seems to me that you two really need to sit down and have a heart to heart in a place outside of the bedroom where you're not under the pressure of the moment. Communication is the key to any relationship and it sounds like it is breaking down. You really need to get some communication going. It's great that you've been having sex since '72, but honestly I think you'll find that there is always something more to learn about your partner. The next time he's telling you to do something, feel free to stop and ask him to clarify exactly what it is he's looking for. This can do one of two things...it could educate you or let him know that every time he tells you how to go about the job of pleasuring him, there will be an interruption. This is a two way street though, he has to listen to you. If he's not learning from you and doing his own thing, ESPECIALLY if it's taking the fun out of it for you, stop him and do it yourself letting him know he can come back when he wants to play on your terms. Sex is supposed to be fun and it sounds like it isn't so much so for you. Changes have to be made and it starts with two way communication. Thurisas.

Welcome, glad you're here, and don't be afraid to ask anything. You should always get a respectful reply and the only stupid question is the one you didn't ask. Thurisas.

I will agree with pantygirl. Your girlfriend needs to find some confidence in herself before your relationship can progress. The problem is that while she may say she needs to change, she hasn't decided that she is going to yet. Until she does, you'll just be spinning your wheels and pretty well staying in the same place. The question is, why does she feel the way she does and how is she going to help herself. Are you willing to wait around until she does...if she does? One thing I would like to add is that pushing your SO for sex sometimes has a backfiring effect. You could be making her less and less interested if you are pestering her all of the time. Both of you need to remember that sex is supposed to be fun. This is your time to play with one another and the only responsibility either of you have is to pleasure the other. Just like anything else, if you're pushing it too much it becomes far less fun and far too much like work. I would suggest that both you and your SO read some of the articles Mikayla has written about mismatched sex drives(click on the Sex Education tab under the Too Timid banner at the top of this page.) There is tons of useful information in her articles that apply directly to many situations. Thurisas.

Welcome and I'm glad to hear you're getting through your mental blocks and am very happy that you're in a much better situation. Make sure to contribute often and remember that you're a teacher as well as a student. Thurisas.

I will add that it wasn't right for her to lie to you. There is no real excuse for that in a relationship which by its very definition requires a level of trust. Howard is right, though, there is no reason for you to feel cheated on with the toys. Chances are, if you start getting into using them with her, you'll be in for some really great times. Thurisas.

Mikayla has written some great articles on mismatched sex drives under the Sex Education tab located on this page just below the Too Timid banner. I might be worth your while to read those. Unfortunately the plain truth is sex oftentimes diminishes in a relationship as time goes on. Life starts getting in the way, the sex seems less important, and this can flip flop between partners. What really needs to happen is for you both to realize that sex is your time for fun. You should both still be exploring each other as often as you can...teaching each other and learning from one another about what works for you and what doesn't. Find a way to make it exciting for the both of you again. Try to step outside of your comfort levels just a little bit and get adventurous. My wife of 8 years(lover of 12) and I are STILL learning about each other even at this point and I know there are others out there who are still learning about their SO after even a longer period of time. My biggest piece of advice, though, is to be sure you're not pestering her. The more you push, the farther out of reach your desires may go. Thurisas.

It seems to me that you should be taking this time to do some serious self-exploration. That you can't get off by yourself is a mental block that you should be eager to overcome. Imagine for a moment how the sex with your husband will be when he comes back if you can teach him a few things you've learned about yourself. There are tons of articles under the Sex Education tab just under the Too Timid banner on this page that you might find useful in your exploration. You also have the oppotunity to really build up the sexual tension between you and your husband. During any phone calls you can tell him exactly what you want to do to him and tell him what you have learned about yourself. When he gets home so that when you finally see each other, you'll likely not even make it all the way through the front door before attacking each other. Mostly, you have to find a way to keep that connection that brought you two together in the first place even over hundreds or thousands of miles. Only you two know what makes each other tick and I'm sure you'll find ways to express yourself through phone calls, care packages, or whatnot. Thurisas.

Just one quick thing about buying meds on line. Be very very careful who you're buying from. Keep in mind that companies do not have to follow the same standards outside of the US as they do within the country and as such you may be getting an inferior product. Thurisas.

First off, let me say that it is absolutely fine that you do not like porn. You shouldn't feel guilty about not liking it. I don't think, however, that you should be restricting your SO from watching it. Lets face it, unless he's fully pleasing himself, you'll be the one to reap the benefits. He knows how you feel as well and hopefully he minimizes the amount of exposure you get to it. It seems that you're having a very hard time with your own self-image and you're using the porn as something to compare yourself to. The fact of the matter is that there are tons of different body types out there and you should be trying to find a way to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. Honestly, there is nothing sexier than a woman who is confident in herself regardless of how she looks. Another thing that I noticed is that you have a mental block that says porn and the things the actors do in porn is dirty. Why do you feel that way? What is it about your past or upbringing that makes you feel that way? Is it everything done in porn that is dirty or just select acts? Have you ever tried to suffer through the show so that you can see what it is that arouses your SO and then talk to him about possibly doing some of those things with/to him? As far as video cybersex vs porn...cybersex is only cheating if you are keeping it a secret from your SO. It is looked at in a more negative light due to the fact that there is person to person interaction while the straight up watching of porn is a passive activity. I don't really believe in cybersex for the simple fact that I have a more than willing partner here at home if I want interaction. There are times, though, when you want a straight out release and porn is an aid to help with that, much like vibrators, sleeves, and whatnot. Thurisas.

Welcome and please contribute often. Thurisas.

Welcome, and I hope you contribute often. Thurisas.