Men I Need A Translation...

[dreaming]

Heres a little history... SO and I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years, we lived closer for a year or so then i had to move back home..back to the long distance. This helpd tramindously with our communication. I thought we could talk about everything! when we first started sleeping together, he had already told me that he never got off durring oral. I LOVE going down on him! sometimes he is into it, pulling my hair...grabbing my ass (said he just had to grab on to something ) I was never really hung up on getting him off, just enjoyed the fun!

as you can tell though i started to feel like i wasnt good enough, he always assured me i was, he just didnt get off by it... anywho...

last time we were together, I got playful, got him horney when we were watching a movie, and asked him what would he like that i do to him... he said he didnt care, so i started kissing down his chest, his responce "oh, that again..." it almost ruined the mood! He let me suck him for maybe a min then threw me on my back and.... you get the point.

argh! any time i bring up the subject, he just says he likes what i do, but...then ends with its just not his thing. the problem i have is i LOVE LOVE (how can i emphasize LOVE anymore) going down on him, the thought turns me on, but I dont want to force him into "letting" me go own on him. I want him to enjoy it as much as i do.

men, what is he NOT saying?

[Mikayla1]

Ummmm.....I am surprised at this, actually. I have never - or rarely - heard of a man who doesn't like oral sex. I do have a few theories that it could be:

1) there may be a possibility that you don't give good oral (sorry, had to throw it out there)

2) he doesn't feel 'right' letting you do it (religious upbringing perhaps) and that makes him uncomfortable

3) he gets off too quickly with it, doesn't want the sex to go to quickly

4) he needs more, direct stimulation (do you use your hands?)

there is the possibility that he just doesn't like oral - and I find that.....well, rare. Have you asked him directly what the reason is he doesn't like you to go down on him? Does he like to go down on you? If he doesn't, well, then he may have other issues when it comes to oral sex.

[dreaming]

1) there may be a possibility that you don't give good oral (sorry, had to throw it out there)

yeah i thought about this ALOT! we have talked about it and he says im good, but he just cant get off by it. He swears that he never has been able to. which he knows for me just means its a challenge. Sometimes he is into it, moans, directs my head, thrusts his pelvis, and tells me what he likes, what i should try, hes even asked for it a time or two (he sent me a lolipoop saying that i could have that now, or something better to suck on later...sorry had to add that in there it was cute) when Im down there he seems to enjoy it but never lets me finish him off. he says hes just never gets close.

2) he doesn't feel 'right' letting you do it (religious upbringing perhaps) and that makes him uncomfortable

like i said in #1 he likes when i do it, he is in no way shape or form religious.

3) he gets off too quickly with it, doesn't want the sex to go to quickly

actually i think its the opposite. Sex for us last about 2-3 hours. He pulls out a lot to last longer. Ive asked him how long he masturbates for and he says it normally last about 30-40 min(he again stopps because he gets bored, starts again) he has also confessed to using the blue pill before with me so i am not sure HOW long he naturally lasts. i have been down on him no longer than 30 min, he either stops me and pulls me into a position for sex, or switches for eating me out, we have done 69 a few times but again he never gets off.

4) he needs more, direct stimulation (do you use your hands?)

I have used hands, breast, pop rocks, hot tea (his request) and all the technics that i have found searching the too timid (and other sites)... i have encorporated in toys, to which he has told me which ones he likes or would rather never see again.

he and I talked again last night and i tried to explain that I love when he goes down on me, and asked him how it felt to feel ME quiver, hear me moan, and how it turns HIM on to get me to orgasm, then i switched and told him he isnt letting me do the same. He said hes sorry but he doesnt know what to tell me, hes never been able to get off by it, he said he knows im getting frustrated and would love to have a magic solution but he just doesnt get off by it. he comapred it to intercourse with me, I love the feeling when hes inside me but i cant get off by thrusting alone. Im a cliteral girl. He did say that the "that again" comment was due to him wanting me to come up with different sexual activities. He feels that oral is my "go to" act when i dont know what else to do... sigh.

[thurisas]

I am much the same as your partner, I think. I enjoy oral, its pleasing, and often times I almost feel like I could but it never quite gets to that point. I get off so much more on getting my wife off that its almost sort of anticlimactic(in a very pleasing way) when she's trying to pleasure me.

In my case I am pretty sure it is just a mental block and I wonder ifit isn't the same in his case. Personally at first, because I never got off on oral(be it partner or other circumstances) I started thinking I'd never get off on oral. Now, the mind being a powerful thing, I think that thought or assumtion is always there in the back of my mind when my partner performs on me and as a result I have a self fulfilling prophecy. While I am sure this doesn't help the problem I hope it helps to understand it.

Randy.

[pappyld04]

The mental part that Thur mentions needs a bit of addition. Not that he is wrong but there is another possibility. If he has been with women who refused to finish then he may have pressured himself to keep from cumming during oral!

[paolo]

There could be a lot of things going on here. I was never able to cum in a woman's mouth before my wife got me off, and even then it took a lot of practice. Part of it is, like Mikayla said, a lot of men need a lot more stimulation than women realize to reach orgasm. I need to have my whole penis stimulated, not just the tip, and I don't get anything from gentle stimulation. When she uses her hand(s) on my shaft while working the glans and upper shaft with her mouth, she can get me off most of the time. Especially if I'm standing or sitting in a chair and she's kneeling in front of me- dunno why that seems to work, but it does. I can almost never cum if I'm lying back and she's hovering over me, unless she's massaging my prostate.

Aside from the woman's technique, I know that a lot of guys are like me and simply prefer to cum inside their partner. I have my best orgasms with intercourse (vaginal or anal). The experience is simply much more emotionally and physically satisfying. Your guy sounds like he's a member of that group.

One thing you might try, which we use when she reallyreally wants me to come in her mouth and I can't get there before her mouth gets too tired: after you've blown him, proceed with fucking, but before he cums have him pull out and resume your blowjob. When we do this I pull out when I'm literally right on the edge of cumming and it's all I can do to hold it back. She gets her protein milkshake in a hurry then.

[sass]

One thing you might try, which we use when she reallyreally wants me to come in her mouth and I can't get there before her mouth gets too tired: after you've blown him, proceed with fucking, but before he cums have him pull out and resume your blowjob. When we do this I pull out when I'm literally right on the edge of cumming and it's all I can do to hold it back. She gets her protein milkshake in a hurry then.

This is the only way I have been able to get hubby off orally, too. I know he loves oral, trust me , but I guess he just needs more stimulation than he can get with just oral. Different women need different things to hit the big O, we shouldn't be too surprised the same is true with men. As much as some may like to act like it, they aren't machines.

[hyokahey]

I realize that this is an old post, but the thought I had immediately in reading the original post is that many people have a very difficult time in receiving. For guys, it may imply being passive (well, I guess it is passive).

Difficulty in becoming comfortable just lying back and being doneoften disguises itself as not liking a particular behavior or position, and often has a good bit to do with issues of our history or development...growing up being a person who always serves others, for example, can make it difficult for some to BE served.

I, for one, greatly enjoy lying back, being 'ridden hard and put a way wet'! Use me; please?

[sun_flower969]

Your man is one lucky guy! Must be nice...

I've had trouble climaxing through oral as well. Most women I have experienced just don't put enough effort into it.

Some get tired/bored/frustrated and give up.

Don't get me wrong; I love receiving oral, it feels great and is visually stimulating to watch. It's just if she's not into it, it won't usually work.

Watch some oral scenes in porn to see how the pros do it. I like the dirty talk while she pulls it out of her mouth!

Come to think of it, I haven't received a bj in a looooong time....

PROS?? meh that is all for show! LOL Most women are afraid of doing it wrong, usually that's why they shy away from it or, give up. Other times it is hangups from upbringing etc thinking it is nasty or "wrong". TELL her what you like, take your hand, and gently guide her, whisper to her what you want, how good it feels, how you love her lips, her mouth, her tongue... (warm in here!! LOL)That kind of encouragement could help her to be more daring, more relaxed and hopefully, more "into it" there is nothing worse than your lover seeming to do something they don't like for you... I know what you mean!

[sun_flower969]

I realize that this is an old post, but the thought I had immediately in reading the original post is that many people have a very difficult time in receiving. For guys, it may imply being passive (well, I guess it is passive).

Difficulty in becoming comfortable just lying back and being doneoften disguises itself as not liking a particular behavior or position, and often has a good bit to do with issues of our history or development...growing up being a person who always serves others, for example, can make it difficult for some to BE served.

I, for one, greatly enjoy lying back, being 'ridden hard and put a way wet'! Use me; please?

My Husband has trouble orgasming when I am on top... I think he likes to be in control. I make a damn good effort too. Eventually he says lets switch and we do but I know what you mean, I think it is a psychological thing.

[sun_flower969]

Yeah, the Pros who get PAID to play out men's fantasies on-screen. Isn't that what most porn is all about - men's fantasies?

My point is that the way a porn star gives a bj is different than most everyday chicks. I emphasized most!

Porn stars are playing a part. It's a male fantasy to have a gorgeous woman go down on you with enthusiasm and energy.

Wives/girlfriends are real people. They have hang-ups and egos and flaws. They have to face the man after the deed is done.

When porn stars get down to oral business, they do it without giggling, yapping about their friends, acting embarrassed, etc.

They suck it and stroke it and say that it tastes hot and they can't wait to swallow your hot load.

With all that being said, I rest my case that wives/gfs can take some pointers from the pros. Be more uninhibited, energetic and enthusiastic about giving oral treats.

You are right about "most" women but it shouldn't be that way! It's hard to be energetic and enthusiastic about something you don't like or think is gross! It takes time to get rid of hangups!!

Real women can be like that too ya know! Pornstars, for the most part are ACTING, trying to make it look good for the camera... A woman who enjoys giving head, deep throating and thoroughly pleasuring her man it the REAL pro, has no inhibitions and is not afraid to face her man after. She isn't getting PAID, she loves it, really loves it!

In fact, Some even get off on it, for real, not just for show!

Like I said before you have to tell her what you like/want... Being uninhibited typically doesn't come naturally it comes with time and trust!

[ginshreve]

I dated a man for several months who maintained that he just didn't ever cum from oral, and although he enjoyed it, he said he had only ever cum once or twice. Mid 40's age wise. He denied hangups about it, but I am not sure he was being honest with himself about that. One occasion (a morning!!) I was determined to get him to cum, and worked like a dog with mouth, lips, hands, tongue - working it, I telll you, until my mouth was sore and I was exhausted - I tried for over 45 minutes with no success.

Yeah, it could have been me - some people aren't as good as they think they are, but I do enjoy it very much, and that is half the battle, I think. However, my next boyfriend (mid fifties), 3 months later, told me that he had NEVER had such great bjs, never been with a woman who paid such good attention, took her time, and seemed to really enjoy it as much as I did - and I could get him to cum almost every time, even with his ED issues.

Current boyfriend is late 40s, 9 1/2 inches long, 2 1/2 inches around, uncircumcized, and man, I have never seen anything like that before. We are early in our relationship, so the issue hasn't come up yet in a serious way. I have only dared suck and lick around it a bit - I don't know where to start! I am scared to death to have that monster in my mouth exploding. (Maybe this needs to be a whole new thread.)

[ladylove]

Current boyfriend is late 40s, 9 1/2 inches long, 2 1/2 inches around, uncircumcized, and man, I have never seen anything like that before. We are early in our relationship, so the issue hasn't come up yet in a serious way. I have only dared suck and lick around it a bit - I don't know where to start! I am scared to death to have that monster in my mouth exploding. (Maybe this needs to be a whole new thread.)

OK, I know this is a little off topic but, did you really measure his erect penis?

I'm thinking what did you do, take one look at him naked and say... OMG!, Hold on minute, I'll be right back (run to get a tape measurer and say) I have to measure this monster ? How do you do that. I'm sitting here having a fun time imagining the scenario.

I've been married a loooooong time and never took actual measurements.