Irritable.

[Tyger]

OK, so, many of you know that my hubby's been out of work for a year now, due to an on-the-job injury. Back in April, he had an MMI done, which the dr. spent maybe 10 minutes with him, claiming he'd reached MMI. His back specialist agreed that that was NOT enough time to make a correct assessment so contested with us. It failed since the worker's comp insurance heard what it wanted to hear. So, he's been without a check since July. Thankfully, when I got the job as the secretary, it came with a raise, so I'm bringing home a bit more than I was before. We are barely paying our bills, and then, we've had to let a couple of not-so-pressing ones slide. I'm probably going to have to relingquish my Christmas gift back to Aaron's (laptop) cuz I just can't pay everything. I can't. And, the sad part is, we only have 4 more payments.

I bust my ass all day at school. Then, DD goes to karate, 2-4 times per week. Most of the time I try to do 3x per week. I've stopped asking him to help out with that cuz he just whines that he can't sit that long, but he CAN sit for over an hour playing video games! I understand he's in pain, but I can't do it all.

On the weekends, I WISH I could get just a DAY to relax. Not even this long holiday weekend was that even possible! I had to take Mom to the airport EARLY Saturday morning, then Saturday evening we went to a b-day party. I've also been super-busy trying to make more jewelry to sell at the corner store here for the long holiday weekend. I sold a BUNCH on Memorial Day, so I thought this would be the same. Not ONE piece sold. I've been cleaning, doing laundry, and making more jewerly. Thankfully, the lady that owns the store, also has a gallery in town, and asked if I'd like to put a couple of my more pricey pieces in her gallery to sell, so maybe that will also be another avenue to make some $$.

My gripe, as I take so long to make my point, is, that I sit down to do my nails, which I haven't done in over 2 months....both hubby AND DD give me funny looks when I say "No, I can't do that right now, you do it". WTF? My daughter said "stop being so lazy". If I could've reached her, she would've been spanked. I told her that I've been busting my butt for everyone else around here, that a couple hours for ME isn't a high price to pay, and that I NEVER wanted to hear that from her again. She apologized, but still, she's never EVER said anything like that to me before (nor will she again)!!

I don't ask them to do much, and when I do, they think I'm putting them out since I DARE ask! Gimme a fuckin' break! I don't know what exactly they expect from me, but doing everything is getting old fast.

I know hubby hurts, don't get me wrong, but he's been doing lots of stuff for others, yet, when I ask him "I can't, I'm hurting". Really????? YOU'RE HURTING??????????? And if I get too tired, I'll get sick, then we're ALL fucked. But, hey, you sit there and wallow in self-pity (when he could go get some counselling), wait for stuff to happen, or do stuff for EVERYONE else....that's just find deary.

Sorry. I know I'm just bitching and whining. I just needed to vent a bit. Thanks for reading. Grab a bag of double stuff oreos for me!!! <3

[Mikayla1]

So sorry Darlin'!

You know it is true what they say, a Mother (or wife)'s work is never done and NEVER appreciated fully! I hope things look up for you soon. Kisses and Hugs!

[ladylove]

Sorry your going through such a rough time. I hope things turn around for you soon. BTW - Your daughter is at the age where she will be testing some of her boundaries. I know it's not fun but If she didn't do it she wouldn't be normal. Hopefully knowing that helps just a bit.

Oh and Tyger, ignore their look of complete distress when you take time for yourself it's not worth your aggravation. You NEED to carve out more you time if possible at all.

[hyokahey]

Wish ya lived a bit closer, I'd give you a free counseling session.....

[Tyger]

I made a decision tonight. I am NOT loosing my laptop. I use it too much with my photography, so I will be selling some of my fine jewerly to make a few payments, or pay for it outright. Hubby will OWE me BIG time for that! LMAO I may even sell some of his video games to help!

What's pissing me off the most is that Hubby just doesn't seem to even WANT to try to help me with this. He just keeps waiting. He will take change to buy cigarettes, but, oh, about 10 packs ago, he could've made a payment. I told him when he started back up that I WON'T suffer for this habit, neither will DD, nor will I support it. I haven't given him any $$ for 'em, nor will I go to the store & buy them for him either. Not my habit, not my problem. He'll go to a friend's house, spend 3 hours there working on a tractor, have to come home and take 2 pain pills, then lay down. I ask him to pick up his clothes, and it's like I've asked him to cut off his foot with a plastic knife! I mean, really.

DD did apologize several times for her comment. She KNEW she made a mistake with that, and I know she's learning, so she LEARNED that that was NOT the thing to say to Momma! I just hope that, when she's older, she realizes how hard I worked for her, making less $$ than I'm capable of making, just so I could work at her school, to be involved, and be close to her. Plus, all the time & support I have for her karate.

I really do feel like I take 2 steps forward, and 3 steps back some days, ya know?

[mystofpric]

El Tygre! You forgot to mention you even took time to talk me to me through a problem yesterday! T, you deserve time to yourself! Your hubbs and DD have been spoiled, ridiculously so! I can relate to your hubbs pain, I tore a ligament in my knee (i get to find out exactly which one tomorrow) and I'm in so much pain it's ridiculous, when I walk my knee twists, but I have to work to afford my surgery. So I also understand where your coming from also at busting your ass to make the bare minimum happen.

LL is right, your daughter is pushing buttons to see what she can get away with. You did the right thing by that record straight. Does Hubbs take care of house work? I mean that would free you up tremendously and take away some of the edge of having to work so much, and that means he won't be sitting....

[sass]

Tyger, I have said it before, but sometimes I could swear we are married to the same man! Now I think we may have the same kid (except I have two who can never get enough time, etc.)

The others are right, you HAVE to take time for yourself. If you don't you will become bitter and resentful and then you will really start to have problems. Trust me, been there, done that. Some days it is a battle not to become this way, but as soon as I force myself to get away from my husband and kids for awhile, and do something for ME WITHOUT THEM, I come back much better.

Hang in there. As women, I really believe we have extra burdens, maybe that's just because this is the only perspective I have, but it does seem that way. Stay strong and rant away! (And good for you on keeping your laptop. I lost that battle and now have very limited internet - or any computer - time. )

[crossroads123]

I'm sorry it's so tough on you Ty. I know how you feel to be without a paycheck. I hope you can work out a way to pay off your lap top. I sure hope you can work things out with your husband. It's so easy for "it to become all about me" when a person is suffering cronic pain. Best of luck, Chuck.

[SensualWoman]

You work very hard, so you have ranting rights all the freaking way. I hope that your hubby finds himself again, and your daughter will help out more with chores. You are a strong woman! Keep up the good work! And rant when you need to. *virtual hug*

[crossroads123]

Tyger how' things going? I hpoe they are much better, please update. Love Chuck.

[Tyger]

It's getting better. We talked it over, and I'm not loosing the laptop. It helps that he's getting unemployment now, so I'm not having to pay for everything. And, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. He is probably going to be able to go back to truck driving school, since, that's about the only thing his back specialist said he will be able to do (with no lifting).

I have been selling stuff here and there to make ends meet (mostly jewelry that I don't wear anymore), and to be able to take DD to the DR. She's had a rough month. Bladder infection, one med that didn't work, one med that gave her an allergic reaction, and now that she's all over that, now she's got a bad cold in her chest and head. Hubby doesn't understand that my focus is on her, and I've been stressing over how the next dr. visit will be paid. But I was able to get her onto the reduced medical plan TX has (called CHIPs), so that's another plus.

I still need him to help more inside the house, though I DID get the whole lawn mowed, and both mowers working (well, he did, but I had to "nag" him about it). So that's looking nice, thankfully.

I let him pay 2 bills this month, and was a little "selfish" by getting some new clothes & 2 pr of boots for work.

I'm trying to get out of the "dumps", but putting up as much Halloween as possible (my FAVORITE HOLIDAY!).

Thanks to all that have read the thread and let me rant and rave. It'll probably happen again. I've been here, but mostly reading. Been very tired lately. Work is just mentally draining, and the worry/stress with DD, I'm just a lump most nights!!

<3 to all!!!

[ladylove]

Your an incredibly strong resourceful women.

Ummmm, do you have a riding mower? If so, maybe it's time hubby took that on since he can sit and drive. Just a thought.

[webbabe]

im just confused as to how he can work on a friends tractor for three hours yet cant keep up on the housework for you. my hubby has back pain and sometimes severe from an injury in the military, yet he works 48 hurs a week and helps alot around the house without me having to say anything.

im glad hes getting the umemployment,(lord knows it kept us in our home after i lost my job) but right now cigareests arent a priority food is. and im glad hes going back to school for a new profession.

please take some time for yourself, start telling people either no or you do it.

[pappyld04]

WOW! I can tell its been quite a while since I've been in here. What happened to Mr. T?

[Tyger]

Yes we have a riding lawnmower, and he finally got both of them up and running properly.

Things are getting better. His doctor cleared him to go into (back into) truck driving, so, he is going to truck driving school to learn all he can (and better on insurance rates too), and go back into that. I can't wait. All his negativity is killing us.

He bitches & moans about everything, and has a, well, sucky tone to his voice. I keep telling him that his TONE is important. I also tell him that if he doesn't talk TO me, and not AT me (yes there's a BIG difference) then how does he expect me to want to have sex with him? I want to be a lover, not a fuck (most of the time). I sure as hell don't want to do either when he's constantly biting my head off about stupid stuff. And how he complains that he does sooooo much around here (which, BTW, he still doesn't), and I don't (which is bullshit and I have the list to prove it), pisses me off. I rarely stop going, even on the weekends. I told him that I'm tired of that too. I DESERVE a break. I deserve to rest, sit, and relax.

He's dared mentioning me quiting my job after he goes back to work and I told him that that wasn't gonna happen. I like being able to help financially, and that was The Deal when we decided to have a child. I told him straight up from the get-go that if he wanted Suzy Home-maker as a wife, he'd better look elsewhere cuz that sure as hell wasn't me.

I told him that, under no circumstances that I won't have his family over here for Thanksgiving again after last year (my family is up north, so no worries about having them over), where they pretty much did nothing, and we did most of the work. Nope, not gonna happen.

I can't wait for him to go back, cuz hopefully his attitude & self esteem will perk back up. Or he's gonna get "Yankee Slapped", and NOT in a good way either! LOL

[ladylove]

Although thing aren't great it is showing signs of improvement by fixing your mowers.

I also think his negativity is about self worthlessness. Not being able to support his family, or do the things he feel he needs to reek havoc on ones psyche, and he doesn't know what to do with all those emotions and feelings. He may not even know why he's feeling like he is therefore can not articulate or communicate effectively with you. I'm thinking once he's feeling productive like he wants to be you'll see a change. In the mean time hang in there, it's been a long road for you and your just now beginning to see the light.

[12GAUGE]

Your an incredibly strong resourceful women.

Ummmm, do you have a riding mower? If so, maybe it's time hubby took that on since he can sit and drive. Just a thought.

Any good reason why your daughter can't mow with the riding mower?? If she can't mow she can trim edges or rake or bag grass trimmings.

There ain't no good reason for kids to get off scott free from doing chores. Nobody rides for free!! Everybody needs to pull their weight!!

[Tyger]

My daughter was only 7 at this post's time, so, no she can't use the riding mower safely. I do, however, ask her to help me feed the pets, including the horses (which we've reduced to only having 2), picking up after herself, putting her laundry with the others, and taking care of her toys when she's done.

I will say that things have gotten a lot better since hubby was able to go back to work. He's a truck driver now: he got cleared by the doctor to do that since now, by law, they have to get out and rest for a few minutes per how many hours they drive. Those laws are pretty strict. He is also driving flat beds, so he does have to get out and check his load, which gives him the opportunity to stretch more. He's gone for long periods of time, and I make sure that he picks up after himself (unfortunately, usually by nagging). This time he was home he changed out my car battery (since mine was DEAD), mowed the lawn, and found out what was wrong with our big screen TV (needs a new bulb). And he was only home 2 days. So, that was a help. He also got to watch DD's karate fundraiser!

I've been stressing to my daughter that I can't remember everything it is she needs for all her school & karate activities, and that she needs to remind me to help her do this, that, or the other. There have been several times where, trying to remember everything, I forget my own lunch I made! LOL

I've also been trying to put myself out there more socially. For the last several weekends, there's always been something to do, free, that we've been able to enjoy. Things are still tight, $ wise, but we will catch up soon.

Thanks again for all that read!

[ladylove]

Glad thing are turning around for you.

[ReadyToMoveOn]

Ms Tyger, as a new person Ive only just read through this, it reminds me of my struggles while going through my Divorce (I wouldnt wish divorce on anyone, not even my worst enemies), such a painful experience. Though I never lost employment, it did put me through so much stress, I was hating life.

But, things do get better, and I am in a much better place now. Hopefully things are better for you now, both financially and home life.

I know Ive lived through back pains, I guess comes with age, and I need knee surgery (lol, both knees) , but I just ignore the pains and continue with every day life, and work. Yes, I can take the time off and not lose a paycheck, but something about sitting at home 6-8 weeks doesnt sound like much fun, so I just work.

Anyhow, I hope things have turned themselves around for you, you seem so full of positive energy and you give such sound advice to so many here, you deserve some happiness yourself.

TC!