I Am New, So I Thought I'd Introduce Myself

[calvin]

Hi,

I found this site while googling for advice on how to spice up mine and my wife's sex life. We've been together about 5 years, but recently things have gotten into a rut, sex was just the same each time, and we weren't doing all that much of it. I came across some advice in a men's mag about "stop fantasising in your mind, and start telling your partner so you can do it together" which I thought really applied to us - we have a very close and fun relationship, but we are both very shy about telling each other what we want, which is probably why we have gotten into a rut.

So i brought up the subject the other night in bed, and we had a good conversation about it, and then some nice sex to follow. Neither of us seem really sure what to try, but we agreed we want to try something. I confessed I like the idea of a little light bondage, I'd really like to try being tied up, so that was a good start - at least I confessed a fantasy (this took some courage!). My wife said she really has no idea what she wants to try, though we talked about vibrators and she seemed interested (if perhaps a little apprehensive). We came up with the idea of buying a book about different sexual practices, so that we could look through and find some we wanted to try.

Also relevent is that I have off-and-on erection difficulties - I've been fine for a while but its come back. I think a lack of variety is a factor - for a while we've only really been having sex when we (me, mostly, to be honest my wife almost never initiates sex, but this maybe because if I am not in the mood I just roll over and go to sleep) have the hormonal urge, it hasnt really been a big part of our lives. Once you start worrying about your erection, thou, its hard to stop. I gave crazyforbond some advice in the "ask a sexpert" forum that we ourselves should also follow - a little holiday from penetrative sex would probably do my erection the world of good. Early in our relationship sex was very hit and miss (due to my erection inconsistency), then things got better of their own accord, but they've taken a downturn again recently.

Why the erection difficulty? To cut a long story short, I was very underconfident about girls and sex when I was younger, I guess I feared rejection and so avoided sexual situations. I also worried about my erection after an early (aged 17) incident when I couldnt get an erection in my very first sexual encounter. I am much more confident about myself now (I'm a successful professonal with very good people-management skills) but less so regarding sex - I still go through phases when I worry about my erection.

But I think the biggest thing is for me and my wife to get past our embarrassment and start talking openly about sex. And trying new things (preferably new things that are not dependent on my erection - I find the idea of new positions rather intimidating, because new positions generally require a full erection) Anybody got some advice on some new things to try? This looks like a really friendly forum that supports people to have a better sex life, so I am hoping for a little help improving mine and my wife's.

calvin

[Mikayla1]

WELCOME CALVIN!

Thanks for your introduction and information! I am sure it is hard for you to discuss these things, but your situation will help all the other men who have the same issues to feel better - even if they never post!

Thanks!

Mikayla

[nosleepnmesa]

Welcome Calvin!! I am sure it was hard to post but you provided some great information, I am sure other men here will find it very helpful. Thank you for your introduction also.

Keep Posting!!

[Tyger]

Welcome to the forum, and what a GREAT introduction!! I'm sure it's hard enough to admit, let alone write down all of your sexual issues, especially in all at once!! I hope you come back again and again posting updates and successes, as well as unfortunate set-backs!!

[clewing]

Welcome, Calvin. I think you and your wife will enjoy the forum! Thanks for introducing yourself so openly.

[calvin]

Hi,

thanks for the welcoming words. I guess I've had practice at talking about it - I saw a councellor for a while a few years ago, helped me deal with some underlying insecurities, which is perhaps why I am much more confident in myself nowadays. It was a little hard, but also helpful, to introduce myself in such detail. It's easier on a web forum tho, very anonymous, which is nice. Harder than writing this is to talk about it with my wife, but like I said, we would both do well to get over our embarrassment and shyness about sex generally. That's our challenge for the next little while. I'll post back again sometime soon and let you know how it is going.

Thanks for the support

calvin

[me4now]

welcom calvin

i remember when i first posted i felt so nervous but the people here at Tootimid has made feel so welcome and love i have no regrets at all. thanks for sharing with us and again welcome

[calvin]

Hi,

I've been reading around this forum these last few days, and what a great forum it is! It's really opening my eyes to how normal it is to enjoy great sex, and to experiment and use toys and have lots of variety. I guess there are lots of things I have wanted to do with my wife but have not really had the courage to communicate them with her. And her with me, hopefully. I guess I felt like these were weird things to want to do, but now I am starting to see that they are perfectly normal and a great way to enjoy sex with your partner. This forum is really opening my eyes, so thanks to Howard, Mikayla, Tyger and all the other regular contributors.

I have a question: lots of threads have mentioned talking about sex when you are fully clothed, but my wife and I almost never talk about sex except in bed. It seems a little less embarrassing then. Should we make some effort to talk about sex in some non-sexual situation too?

Calvin

[whittibo]

Welcome Calvin, I am new too.

I have found great info here, and am hoping to spice up the relationship/sex with my husband. He's very shy, insecure, intimidated and lately, "too tired". *sigh* If only we could all have the same sex drive all the time.

[calvin]

Thanks Howard, those are good rules. I will talk to my wife about having a sex discussion according to them. It's quite exciting just to think about doing so, so that in itself can't be a bad thing!

Whittibo - I have used the "too tired" rule myself, just rolled over and gone to sleep. I felt a bit bad about it, but at the same time I really didnt want to have sex. It's probably worth talking to your husband about why this is. But maybe at a time when there is no real pressure to actually have sex.

My wife and I have come up with a good new rule for bedtime: no pyjamas. We'd got into the habit of sleeping in t-shirts and underwear, partly because its a bit cold in our house at night, but also maybe out of shyness. The new sleeping naked rule has really helped - there is much more touching, just because it's so much easier to touch, and that leads on to more play. It did last night anyway .

It's still a bit difficult - my wife is still not very forthcoming about saying what she likes. If I ask her, she'll tell me what I am doing feels good, but she never volunteers any information about how I could do it better, which is a bit frustrating for me, because I know I need some more information to do it right! Maybe she doesn't know what she likes - she's never masturbated (not that she's admitted, anyway) and never had an orgasm while with me. She said she had one once with another man, but that was it. But she always says she's perfectly happy like that, and doesn't need to have an orgasm, which means she doesn't help me try to give her one.

Any advice on how I can get her to open up a little more? I know this is something we both need to work on, me as well, but I feel like maybe I am trying a bit harder than she is to open up. I am making an effort to say what I want and like, but I am not sure that she is making the same effort.

Calvin

[calvin]

Thanks for that reply Howard, that's very detailed, and very good advice. I've seen my friends tell their young children off for touching themselves - my wife and I both thought that this was not a healthy thing to do. But probably we had similar upbringings of course. I'll talk to her about it, and make her laugh at the same time, and try to get her to open up a little.

We don't have too much trouble with oral sex, mostly. My wife is quite eager to give me a bj, though I think she usually spits into a tissue after. She's more reluctant for me to give her oral sex, and is fairly insistent that I don't unless she has very recently had a shower, but she seems to enjoy it once we get going.

She seemed to have more curosity about vibrators when I first talked to her though. When I asked her about masturbation she said she was not interested in it. I tried to explain that she needs to masturbate to find out what she likes, but I could tell she was not really buying it. That's something else to talk about in our sex talk I guess. I'll try to insist that she answer, like you say, but it might take some effort.

I'm going to try to have that talk with her this weekend. It's making me a bit nervous to think about it - something about talking about sex outside of bed feels very weird. I shall try to muster the courage. I'll let you know how it goes.

Calvin

[Mikayla1]

I am going to add a little something in here: if your wife says she is not interested or hasn't ever masturbated there are two problems with this. First, ALL women have masturbated at one time or another - even if it was accidentally. There is a natural curiousity that happens to men and women when the first feel the "tingle" that happens when they touch their gentitals. Medical research shows that infants masturbate (to a degree) and this behavior continues throughout adolescence and puberty. As the child gets older, the sensations get more intense, hence leading to continual masturbation until orgasm. So, at some point she HAS masturbated, and I highly doubt that she didn't like it. My guess is, her family told her it was "wrong" or her religious beliefs told her the same.

Second, when you are in a committed relationship there is NO basis to NOT masturbate from a relgious or moral standpoint. I could show you oodles of religious passages that support this - not to mention I have asked priests and pastors about it. In the context of bettering yiour marital sex life - not too much is out of bounds including anal sex! So, she NEEDS to masturbate because if she doesn;t learn to touch herself the way she likes, she will never be able to tell you. Did you know that for approximately 70% of women the first and most times, only, orgasm during sexual play comes during oral sex? This is because direct clitoral stimulation is much more intense than the stimulation women get during sexual intercourse. So, for most women 80-85% - climax only comes DURING sex when they finger themselves or use a toy to stimulate their clitoris. THEREFORE, if she is not willing to touch herself, she probably won't climax.

As long as you are having this candid discussion with her, I would suggest you print out my articles on Masturbation and Orgasm. Have her read them, they clearly show how masturbation can enrich your sex life. She doesn't have to masturbate in front of you, but she sure should do it during her alone time. IF she has gone sooooo long without an orgasm I can not BELIEVE that she doesn't want to have one. Women who say that "an orgasm is not needed or important" have either never had a true orgasm, or are masturbating to get their orgasms at other times.

FOr her, I will bet that she has never had a TRUE orgasm. I realize with your ED issues that it may be hard for her to imagine having an orgasm, so you will have to take the reigns. THe next time you go down on her (after her shower or whatever) make sure to give her an orgasm. I have an article here on Oral Sex Techniques - Pleasing the "P" - READ IT! You have to use fingers, stimulate her clitoris, and use fingers to insert as well. IF you do these things, she everntually WILL have an orgasm. IF she starts to have them, she will want MORE....what woman wouldn't?

Good luck this weekend, I hope we have helped a bit.

[calvin]

Good advice, and I have just read your article on oral sex, some nice tips I shall try out this weekend.

The biggest problem, though, is that when my wife gets close to orgasm she starts to fight me off! The reason she gave last time is that I was looking at her "down there" (I was fingering her, and had a close up view) and this was embarrassing for her. This happens fairly consistently - when she gets close to orgasm, moaning and moving her hips, she will fight me off, or try to grab at my penis, despite my insistance that I want to concentrate on pleasuring her and she can do me after. Last time she said "I want us to come together" It seems like she is afraid to orgasm - perhaps she is afraid of the loss of control? Or maybe she feels too self-concious? I am a bit confused by this reaction. She used to resist my attempts to go down on her by saying "not this time", but recently she seems to have gotten more used to the idea. Do you have any advice on how I can get past her fighting me off, to convince her to lie back and enjoy the experience?

We don't have any religious beliefs about sex, by the way, as we are both committed aetheists. But we seem to find sex embarrassing nonetheless. Intellectually I think we have no qualms that people should do as they like, we are liberal-minded in that sense, but we are still finding things like nakedness embarrassing. We have been keeping our promise to sleep naked, but we tend to only take our clothes off once we are in bed. Last night after my shower I knew I should just go hang up my towel and then walk naked back to the bedroom, but instead I put on some boxer shorts to go hang up my towel! I knew I should go naked but, well, my inhibitions got the better of me. Sometimes I will make more effort though, but my wife will only walk around naked if she knows I can't see, for example, when its dark and she wants to go to the bathroom. Maybe its because we've grown up in a society that seems to regard a lot of sex as dirty or undesirable, especially masturbation, as Howard suggests.

Any suggestions for how we can get past this? It seems like being embarrassed about being naked has to have an inhibitory effect on sex generally. (My wife doesnt like to do it with the lights on, either. Darkness only).

Calvin

[Mikayla1]

Calvin,

I think Howard is being a teeny bit extremeist here - suggesting that you can not fix this without counseling. I do agree that your wife has some body issues (or maybe not even body issues, just self consious about cumming with you down there) - or she lied and has never cum before. Women who have not let themselves go all the way to orgasm are afraid of what will "happen" if they do. Will they loose control, squirt all over, look funny, make funny sounds. The fact that she stops you right before indicates to ME personally, that she doesn't know what will happen when she gets past the orgasm.

SO, how do you make her stay put? Well, you can do to her what my ex-boyfriend did to me when he was teaching me about multiples - you position yourself between her legs, you wrap your arms around her legs, so they are locked with your arms - you finger her and lick her and when she starts to fight, you stop fingering her, lock her down and keep going until she cums. Unless she is extraordinarily strong, she should not be able to get away,

If she verbally protests, stop long enough to say "I want to see you cum, and I am going to" and stick your face back to her pussy and keep on licking. Once she does it once, and realizes that you are not going to scream and run with terror, she should be better.

As for the being naked, you just have to do it. You have remember that you are married - for better or for worse - including body appearance. Just throw down the towel and walk into the bedroom - PERIOD!!!

As for the making love with the lights off - this is NOT uncommon for SOOOOO many women. I would start with candle light. One small candle on the dresser. When she protests, tell her HOW sexy she looks in candlelight - make her feel sexy and nice. Do not let her turn off the candle. Tell her you want to see HER when you are fucking and pleasing her. This should make her feel better about herself.

THose are the suggestions I have for now - I hope they help!!!

[whittibo]

OH my gosh, we too suffered from the "nekid worries" for ever. I wasn't so bad when we got together, I would often show off more of my body then I probably should have been. But watching my husband being "modest" I think made me more modest.

When I started my plight to spark our new sex life, I would tease him with slightly see through t-shirts and such. Then would "accidentally" let a breast show a bit more then normal. I told him one day I needed a boob job and he said, "no you don't, I like them just the way they are". That comment made me feel so much better about myself. I told him a few other things about not liking to be on top because my stomach sags down and my boobs sag like an old milking cow and he once again told me he enjoys that. So I started doing things like undressing in front of him, pointedly. I would tell him, "umm.. I am going to go change, are you going to watch?"

Once I got past the part that I might be a total turn off, I really loosened up and so did he. Now we sleep nekid all the time and I will walk around the bedroom nekid, don't have any problems laying over him and dragging my saggy boobs across his body.

So with all that rambling, my point is, we were exactly like you and your wife until 3.5 weeks ago. We too made the commitment to always go to bed nekid and to always kiss goodnight too. (something we NEVER used to do) I think you need to hint to her that she's beautiful. I have been giving my husband body massages lately and Gawd it's a turn on for me to see him laying there nekid and so sexy! And I don't hesitate to tell him. He has self esteem issues (which I have no clue why!) but me just telling him how sexy he is, has helped him too. So start with YOU. Start doing sexy things even though you might have some inhibitions. Start out slowly and in no time you'll be doing things you never did before.

One day in the first week or so, since we hadn't yet gotten used to seeing each other nekid, I went to turn off the TV so there was no light on in the room. Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe was on. (this is significant because now we always ask, "is Dirty Jobs on tonight") anyway, I went to grab the remote and I couldn't reach it and said, "I can't get it" and he said "GOOD! I want to see you". So we progressed from always wearing clothes and undressing under the covers, (man that sounds lame...) to now we aren't inhibited at all and actually leave the lights on in the room!

It takes awhile to get over it. Last night, I surprised my husband with a "wedge pillow" and I had been fantasizing about using it at the end of the bed, which made me just at the right level. WELL... thing is, there's nowhere to put my feet. Lights on, TV on, him standing at the end of the bed with my feet around his neck and he was intently watching everything going on down there. It was so sexy. So there's hope... but you will have to be the initiator, start slow, tease her, go commando and leave the pants unzipped enough to see some hair. Just little flashes here and there and when you see her get a smile from it, it will give you enough courage to show a little more.

Tell her what you like about her. Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you like to look at her and touch her. It will get better!

As for the not orgasming. That's very strange. It does sound like maybe she never has and doesn't know what in the heck will happen. But if you can hold her down without ruining the moment, do it! Chances are that might excite her even more and she'll relax and enjoy it.

I never liked my husband going down on me. I think because I sense that he really doesn't like it much. If I feel he isn't enjoying it, how can I enjoy it. I also never had anyone other then him do that, or even touch me down there before, so it takes awhile to get over that shock. As for blow jobs, I love giving them and he loves receiving them, but I just didn't like him going down on me for some reason?

[whittibo]

Whew, I didn't read Mikayla's part about the candle, I had to go back after I read Howard's part about it not working.

I have to say, I think it would do the trick AND be romantic at the same time. Same thing as my TV being on. He wanted to see, and I never knew that, and would always try to hide. Once I knew he wanted to see and enjoyed it, I wanted to show him more and more!

I will also say, it took several days of me showing myself and undressing in front of my husband before he came out nekid, and even then, he came out of the shower with the towel on, and took it off in front of me and proclaimed, "Ta Da!"

Damn dysfunctional people anyway. LOL! I wonder how we all got so screwed up?!

[Mikayla1]

WHOA Howard....um, you are an attorney, so I know you do not SERIOUSLY think that 2 MARRIED people who are engaging in consentual sex and whose hubby gets her to orgasm by not letting her go is RAPING HER????? I mean, SERIOUSLY???

When my ex-boyfriend did this to me, it was CONSENTUAL and was NOT the time he actually DID rape me. This was in the course of pushing me to have more orgasms - not to harm me. I would have NEVER called what happened those times RAPE. ALso, as someone who was raped, I would highly suggest not throwing accusations of husband's who RAPE their wives by giving them orgasms.

Women who are hesitant to orgasm - for whatever reason - need to get over the hump. This woman does NOT masturbate - and she is so close with him - so taking the extra seconds to get her through it in NO WAY can be described as an evil act of forcing her to do something. It is a completely new subject in and of itself!!!

By your same logic, when I continue sucking my hubby's cock to get him to cum in my mouth as opposed to stopping for sex would ALSO be RAPING HIM - or do the same rules NOT apply to men who are "forced" to cum by their women????

Now, by telling him that I doubt his wife has had an orgasm what I do is make him more sensitive to the possibilities. He has stated that she supposedly had an orgasm with another man, and if I were him, I would wonder why NOT with him. This does not destroy trust - how many people in couple's lie or keep things back about previous lovers? This is not a trust issue, exactly, although I wish she would come clean wtih him.

Your advice about walking away and giving up is not sound advice. Think of Telecom, who has had a long and bumpy road with his woman over orgasms. He did NOT walk away. He continually tried to find ways to make their love life better and used new techniques with her, as well as other things. If he had WALKED away, then they would not be so happy now.

These people are married, and to walk away from a marriage because of naked issues or because of orgasm issues is simply ludicrious! I mean really Howard, you are not suggesting that their love life has gotten to the point of divorce? Let us also not forget about Calvin's situation, where he has issues of his own. Would you suggest his wife leave him because of erectile issues? That is just bad counseling, and with all due respect, you are a lawyer, not a counselor - and this is not a situation for divorce. They ARE having intimate moments - and they ARE trying - so how in the world can you suggest they have a sexless marriage to make things better? This is not going to make her snap out of things - I know women like this - she needs to get comfortable, to get honest and to realize that she is entitled to her pleasure. By him locking her out sexually will do NONE of that!!!

As far as the nudity issue - I FIRMLY BELIEVE that starting slowly, with a candle, while telling her how attractive she is to him, how sexy, etc CAN in TIME help the situation. I have had many, many friends who did NOT have sex with any light. I have suggested candles and low lighting to them, they tried it and slowly got over their issues. So yes, I do believe that she can overcome her issues if she feels that her man loves her, is sexually attracted to her and wants to make things work.

You talk much about your experience with your ex-wives - and that is fine, as it is how you came by your experiences. I talk about my current marriage (going on 11 years) and I talk about my friends and their lovers too. Not every technique works for every couple. There is NO harm in trying all types of techniques and suggestions - just nay-saying what I might suggest doesn't help Calvin. Counseling is a good idea - but there are other less costly and less embarrassing ways to try to fix this.

So yes, Howard, let us disagree - we will be on this one and that is just fine, cause I can hold my own!

[theshyone]

Any advice on how I can get her to open up a little more? I know this is something we both need to work on, me as well, but I feel like maybe I am trying a bit harder than she is to open up. I am making an effort to say what I want and like, but I am not sure that she is making the same effort.

Calvin

Calvin,

One thing I can suggest is that you make a game out of it. What worked for my husband and I is that he would tell a story while touching me. This was good because it made me relax. I was very nervous at first but My husband was patient and eventually making love became very fun. Also your wife might not know what she likes, so I would say gently experiment but don't force it. that only can make matters worse. Good luck.

the shy one

[whittibo]

I have been telling my husband all day long how sexy he is, going up and kissing him for no reason etc. So far, he hasn't made much of an effort to give any of that back, but that's OK, I am doing it because I WANT to.

I say be yourself, take it slow and things will sort themselves out.

[calvin]

Hi Guys,

wow, I didn't want to start such an argument. But thank to you all for your comments, I appreciate your help.

A couple of points to clear up:

1) My wife and I are not going to get divorced. We have a strong and loving relationship (yes we do kiss goodnight every night) that is lot's of fun and laughter, and also lots of affection, including hugging and kissing. What we lack in this mix is passion - I don't think either of us are very good at expressing that side of ourselves. What we need is practice, and your advice on this forum is very helpful for giving some ways in which we can practice.

2) I believe my wife when she says she once had an orgasm with another man - she told me he reached down and fingered her clit as they were fucking. I have however tried the same without success. She may have masturbated at some time in her life, but I am pretty sure it was not any time recently, and probably not since she was a teenager, if ever. Again I will really have to ask her.

3) I think wrestling her so she can't get away and forcing her to orgasm is a nice idea, but probably a bit beyond what I would feel comfortable with. Though if it was within the context of a mutually-agreed bondage-type scenario, where there was a safe-word she could use if she wanted, that might work. For some reason she feels very self-conscious about orgasms, so what we need to do is talk frankly about that, so that she can relax and feel less threatened. Within the context of our loving and affectionate marriage, however, Howard's talk about rape is irrelevant (though I respect that he thought it appropriate to bring this up, given Mikayla's suggestion and that he does not know us personally)

4) She, and in fact both of us, feel self-conscious while naked, and by extention, about our sexuality. If I get an erection at an "inappropriate" time (e.g. while kissing her off to work) I will mostly hide it. Why? Because I feel self-conscious, presumably because I fear rejection. That's what self-consciousness is, I think: fear of rejection. I think it's the same thing for her with me looking at her genitals, or having sex with the lights on.

5) However neither of us have any real reason to be embarrassed about our bodies - she is slim with a really nice ass, though quite small breasts (which she definitely IS self-conscious about) , and I am also slim and athletic - I am quite fit and take my exercise seriously.

6)As regards information I have not told you - there isnt much that I can think of. I moved schools when I was 13 and was bullied at my new school, and found it difficult to fit in. This left me with some self-confidence issues that I more-or-less resolved by talking to a cognitive therapist when I was in my mid-twenties. As a result of this bullying, however, I was also much less confident around girls than perhaps I might have been. I was fine with girls as friends, but the girls I asked out when I was a teenager always turned me down, which made me think I was not attractive, and sex itself became an issue that, to be honest, I hid from. I had my first girlfriend when I was 22. My wife is the third girlfriend I ever had, and the only long-term relationship I have had. In this relationship, the first year or so I had erection difficulties, then things seemed to get better, until recently, when I have lost interest in sex because we had got in a rut of always doing the same 10 minute routine like Mikayla describes in her article about mistakes men make in bed.

I can't tell you much more about my wife, because she hasn't really told me that much, though it seems she regarded sex as something she did for her boyfriends rather than for her own pleasure.

However in the other aspects of our lives (work, friends, etc) both of us are successful, competent and confident. IT's sex we are finding difficult.

So really my wife and I need to sit down and have a long and frank talk about sex. I wanted to do that this weekend, but we both came down with colds and so it had to wait. What I am thinking of doing is agreeing a date to have the talk, so that we can both think about it. It's hard to bring it up in the first place, but perhaps some time to think about what we want to say would help.

Anyway sorry to have caused such an argument. I appreciate the thoughts of all who have posted.

Calvin

[whittibo]

Calvin, my husband sounds a LOT like you. I think I was only his second real relationship, and his first girlfriend and he didn't do much. He said she would give him a BJ but he wouldn't "finish".

He's in great shape. 6' tall and only 140-145 lbs. He's tone and slender, exactly how I met him. Me on the other hand, after 3 kids and 3 c-sections, and being married for 16.5 years and with him for 21, I became lazy and overweight so I am self conscience about my body, thinking it must repulse him. When I mentioned imperfections to him, he told me none of that mattered to him. I catch him watching very intently while we have sex now, where as in the past, it was always under blankets with the lights out.

Adding the erotic element really helped both of us, me because sex isn't the boring 10 minute missionary sex anymore. It's exciting and always new/different and lasts sometimes for hours and always ends differently. It's liberating!

As for wrestling her down to have her orgasm, I don't think that's what was suggested, I took it as, when you know she's about to, while already engaged in sex, and she tries to make you stop, that's when you DON'T stop. And if you have to brace her, do it. I know a few times my husband has tried to pull my mouth off his cock so he wouldn't cum, and I just plowed through and fought against him and brought him to orgasm, which was more exciting for both of us. But it really depends on how much she's fighting you.

If you can't talk to her in person, perhaps a note/letter? I know my husband and I have a hard time talking, so I sometimes resort to letters which works wonders for us. You could write her a letter explaining how important it is to you that she feel the same passion for your lovemaking as YOU do, and that you want her to experience how she makes you feel. Chances are once she has experienced it with you... Oh my gosh, I can't imagine anyone turning their nose up to it again! She'll probably be attacking you every time you're around.