Help!

[babeinwoods]

Hi. This is my first post here. A friend recommended I try and get some advice here. I am not even sure if this is right place to post this. So if not I am sorry. I hope this isn't too long.

I have been dating a man a few years younger than me for about 6 months now. We have a great time together but we haven't moved forward in the sex department. When I talked to my friend (newvixen) she said I should talk to him about it and sent me to read some of the advice given here. So I took the advice I had seen given to abunch of others and made him his favorite dinner and then brought up the subject. It was certainly not what I expected. He told me straight forward that he loves me deeply but he wants our love to be a pure love.

He says what he really wants for us is a cuckold relationship. I didn't know what it was so he explained that although we would be together in everyway, even sharing hus and kisses we would never actually have sex. Instead we would be slaves to our master and that is who I would be sexually active with. He even told me that he has a master picked out and has been communicating with him for some time now. If I am understanding everything correctly. We would both be submissive to him, however I would be the only one who was engaging in sex. Clint has to remain cleibate, although everyday he would view the master's cock and have to state out loud that he was the master and pay homage to his cock.

We have discussed this in great detail for the last week. I still feel very unsure. I love Clint very deeply and want to spend my life with him. I was married in the past to a very domineering man. I am concerned about a 3rd person in our relationship because when I allowed it to happen in my marriage the results were bad. I mean after all we are divorced and now he is married to her.

I guess my main concern is do these types of relationships work? Is it possible to be having sex with one person and not have feelings for them while being in love with someone else. And of course, having that person you are in love with knowing what you are doing.

I tend to be a submissive person so maybe it is something I could handle.

When I asked my friend about it she had some pretty strong feelings, mostly against it. She did tell me I should join the forum and ask for advice from the group here. She says she has learned alot from everyone here and I thought it might be nice to get an outside opinion. We have been friends for a long time and she knows me pretty well but this is the first time her and I have actually gotten into a big discussion about sex. The few times it has come up with our group of friends I was surprised by some of the things she had to say. So that's why I asked her for advice. She said she has never heard of this kind of relationship and sees alot of negative things.

I am sorry this is so long. I just need some help figuring out wether to give it a try or to lose the man I love.

Babe

[g1rock]

I completely agree with your friend and Howard 4570, this is a negative relationship and you are only wasting your time with it.

If you enjoy dinner and conversation with your BF thats fine but keep your eyes open for a replacement A.S.A.P.

Best of Luck

[Mikayla1]

This type of relationship is something that you have to be 100% prepared for - and you will most likely NOT like it!

A Cuckold relationship is one where the man enjoys watching his partner be unfaithful. I have rarely heard of a relationship like this where the man wasn't having sex with the woman too. This makes me pause and think whether your man may be bi-sexual or gay. He is supposed to be celibate? WHy? What is the relationship giving to him? You can love someone dearly and be FRIENDS, but if he doesn't want to sleep with you....what is the point? Do you not want to have a relationship where you can be intimate with the person you love?

In the cuckold relationships that I have heard about, the Master either had sex with the woman AND the man or just the woman AND the couple would have sex too. In this relationship, he wants ONLY the Master to have sex with you - this is a bit strange. I wonder, did he have a relationship with this Master previously? Perhaps a sexual relationship? I would wonder why he would be contacting someone who he does not know to have him have sex with you?

There are many relationships with Masters and subs where the "slave" or "sub" is loaned to the Master and this Master serves as such for BOTH people in the relationship. This type of relationship is NOT for the weak of heart. There is no love given by the Master, he "uses" his slave - I would NOT venture into this type of relationship lightly - be careful.

Now, as for your bf, I am still wary that he doesn't want to have sex with you...that sounds odd to me. What does he get out of it? He might be getting something from the Master - worshipping his cock how?

I would wonder about this...my alarm bells are ringing loud here!!!

[newvixen]

Please Babe listen to them! I am so happy that you posted about this. I think this is a very bad idea. You know exactly what I think and feel about this whole situation. This has got to be extremely dangerous on many levels. Please, please, please listen to Howard, Mikayla and the others. They really do have your best interest at heart.

You already have so many self confidence issues and tis won't help. So if you don't take my advice then take theirs.

Vix

[babeinwoods]

First let me say thank you to everyone for their advice. Against Vixen's advice I went ahead and spoke to the man who would be te master in this relationship. Being perfectly honest after speaking with him I was somewhat interested in the things he said.

I went and spent some time thinking about everything and then I came back and read the comments here. Everyone offered some really good advice. Based on some of the things that I learned here I went back and asked some different questions.

You all have no idea ho much you have helped me. Upon additonal questioning I found out that Clint who would be in the slave role has no idea what he is really in for.

He would be just that a slave. He would pay homage by stating every day several times a day by stating that the black man is superior and he is a weak white male. It is about humiliation and degregation to the slave.

I guess my concern is why should I trust what he is saying my role is when I know he is lying to Clint about his role? Now I am not sure wether or not I should tell Clint what I found out.

Thanks again you have all helped me make my decision.

Babe

[Mikayla1]

DING DING DING - ALARMS RINGING!!!!!

Are you a white woman? If so, I would NOT get into this situation (I wouldn't no matter what your race) - but if this Master is into the "race" thing - the reverse slavery angle, then you could be in GRAVE danger! Run, Run, RUN away as fast as you can!!!

As for your BF, yes, tell him what you have learned. Then, ask him if he loves you and if he says "yes" then say, "let's have a relationship, you and me - sexual, mental, emotional." If he says no - GO, FAST.....RUNNNNNN!!!!

I hope you make the right decision here.......

[woozyG]

This situation seems really scary. I know I wouldn't want to be involved in it. I guess it depends on what you're actually looking for. It seems to me that you want to have a happy, healthy, sexual relationship with your boyfriend, but he wants this other thing. I may just be time to hit the road and find someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship as you. Please be careful if you decide to get into this master/slave situation.

[whittibo]

Boy, I have been sheltered all my life, I have never heard of anything like this and it would scare the shit out of me. You want a husband, a life long partner, NOT some other man. I would run as fast as I could away from this situation.

When I first started reading your post, I thought, "ahhhh.. the guy wants to have a pure relationship until they get married". That was my husbands intentions and I didn't understand it at first, thought he must not love me if he didn't want to have sex with me, but he respected me and didn't want to spoil me, even though I wasn't a virgin, he was. But gosh, this isn't at all what your guy wants. :s

[newvixen]

I guess I must have been pretty sheltered too because when she came and asked me for advice I had no idea what she was talking about. The more she explained it the less I understood. It has taken me a little while to convince her to post her and ask for advice. I am so glad that she did.

I do not know yet what she has decided. I am sure Babe will let you all know. I spoke to her today and she said she was really taking everyone's advice to heart> She said she still had alot of doubts. I told her I thought that was her answer right there.

Yes race does play a big part in it. She told me that the "Master" was to be told all the time about how he was superior to the weak white male. She said he asked if she was ready to be part of a suck party. She didn't know what that was. He told her the male slave didn't lnow what was really going to happen to him and that part of her job would be to "break" him. She was suppose to humiliate him and degrade him.

She is in way over her head and I am worried about her. I am praying daily that she listens to all the advice she got here. You guys have been great and boy has this been a learning experience.

Thanks!

Vix

[krisleightate]

The whole idea of this relationship is SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Run Run Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love BDSM and I love being a sub, but this just doesn't sound right or on the up and up.

There are many strange and different lifestyles out there, but this one just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. If you feel like you would like to be in a BDSM relationship then go for it, but this one is NOT safe. Please for your sake don't get into this relationship.

[Valntyn]

Jeezus, reading this scared the crap out of me! I could hear Mikayla's warning bells clear to Maine!

It may sound interesting to you, Babe, but find books to read to fill that curiosity, instead of getting yourself into a situation you'll most likely regret either mentally or physically. I really hope to hear your decision posted here, to know that you'll be safe and all right, far far away from these people.

Find someone else who'll love you, respect you, give ALL their attention to you and NOT want to share you with others. Someone who will SHOW you their love in multiple ways is what you need... not someone who'll put you in a situation like this.

I restate others concern when I repeat their words: RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!

[roni]

wow just when i thought nothing could surprise me i read this!

all i can say is trust your instincts and run like hell... i would advise you to not even talk to the master again, no more questions just get out of there..sounds like it could be some kind of cult and you might find yourself in something that could be hard to get out of..

alarms everywhere!!!! the master is keeping things from your bf, and your not going tell him?

how do you know that the master isn't keeping things from you? he is already intefearing in your relationship, but who knows maybe your bf was setting you up for this?

i would kick your bf to the curb and find someone that truley loves you and if you like being submissive then be that to a real man that loves you and wants to make love to you......sorry if i sound rude but man this just sounds WRONG!!!!! and i really belive you might get hurt bad if you do this..

[roni]

anything new on this subject? maybe posted somewhere else.. i'm looking for a happy ending to this..

[kitkatty]

I do not know about you, but too me it sounds as though you will be abused physically and mentally. I have never heard of this type of situation, but I agree with everyone else, runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!! do not walk away from this situation.

[babeinwoods]

Hello to everyone-

Thank you all for the information, comments and concerns you expressed here. I have made the decision to remove Clint from my life. After talking to him and the master both I realised that either one or both of them were lying to me about this whole situation. Clint seems to think that all this relationship would involve was him and I being servants to this man and me being sexually involved with him.

After reading what everyone here had to say I did google it and learned alot more. I think it is a struggle for me to understand how if Clint loved me he would want me in this kind of a relationship. After alot of soul searching and a very long, involved discussion with my friend (newvixen), I knew the only thing I could do is end it.

I have broken off all contact with him. I blocked his phone number, his email and his messenger id. I feel bad because I know I am hurting him by doing this but I need to put my safety and security first. Vix says I should have kicked his ass to the curb the minute he brought the subject up. I wish I could be more outspoken like she is but that's just not me.

Again I appreciate all the help,

Babe

[Valntyn]

Oh yay!!! I know we don't know each other, but here's a GREAT BIG HUG from me to you!! I'm sure this was a very difficult decision to make and even harder to follow-through with, but it's the SMART decision. Said in a completely non-condescending way: I'm very proud of you!! :) You definitely deserve a great love, and now you're free to have it find you.

[krisleightate]

I am so happy that you decided against that relationship. Your love is out there waiting for you.

[whittibo]

WHEW!! Big sigh of relief from me too. That just sounds insane, I am glad you didn't get caught up in it. No doubt you did the right thing!

[cdwaldorf]

What you did took a lot of courage on your part. Do not feel bad b/c your first reaction wasn't kicking him to the curb. I can imagine you had strong feelings for him b/c you were actually considering having this experience. In the end you made the right decision and that is all that matters. I am so glad that you have a friend that voices her concern for your safety. Cherish that b/c that kind of friendship can be far and few between.

[Tyger]

I'm glad that you decided against this type of relationship.

The major key to any relationship such as those, is TRUST. The dom AND sub(s) need to trust each other. Having safe words, and saying things that are TRUE, are extremely important.

Nor should something like that be racially supported in that kind of situation, IMO. Some people have a hard time letting the past go by the wayside, and that could end up becoming painfully, and unwillingly violent. It's great that you were able to see that, and thru the lies, and get outta there!!

You will find someone who will be willing to be everything you want and need. Sometimes the searching is half the fun! Best wishes!

[babeinwoods]

Oh yay!!! I know we don't know each other, but here's a GREAT BIG HUG from me to you!! I'm sure this was a very difficult decision to make and even harder to follow-through with, but it's the SMART decision. Said in a completely non-condescending way: I'm very proud of you!! :) You definitely deserve a great love, and now you're free to have it find you.

Thank you for the hug and the encouragement. Everyone here has been very helpful. I guess I should have listened to vix, my friend, from the beginning but sometimew when someone is in a relationship that is working and you're not it is hard to listen to what they say.

Babe

[babeinwoods]

I am so happy that you decided against that relationship. Your love is out there waiting for you.

Thank you so much for the care and concern. I just need to learn to be patient and wait for the right man to come along.

Babe

[babeinwoods]

WHEW!! Big sigh of relief from me too. That just sounds insane, I am glad you didn't get caught up in it. No doubt you did the right thing!

As insane as it may sound I really did consider it. I have heard the saying hindsight is 20/20. Now that I have ened the relationship I know what a bad thing it was really. I need to take Vix's advice and learn to love myself before I get involved with anyone else.

Babe

[babeinwoods]

I greatly appreciate everyone's advice and input. Now that I have "kicked him to the curb" I am going to spend some time learning about me. I am going to try and figure out what I am really looking for and needing from the man in my life.

Babe

(still living in the woods but a lot more knowledgable now!)

[dpc]

Hello babe

i have gone through ur write-up. i believe, you should not continue the relationship with your boyfriend. He might use u in latter course. He actually sounds not to be a good man. Forget him and get a man who really loves u.

my sugestion and the rest on u, to take a descision.

Pls go through my topic penis and sume also.