Review Team TonboMidori Posted April 21, 2008 Review Team Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 For the record: I used to like to think of myself as a low-drama mama. I think I have lost the right to make that claim. Also, I call the baby "the kid" because I don't want to use her name at the moment. I don't even know what the legal stuff is, but it's probably better I don't use names.Several days ago, my SO and I were awakened by the phone. I pick it up and get told by the guy on the other end he needs to talk to my SO now. I hand him the phone, and about 5 seconds later he's tearing around the apartment completely freaking out. Apparently, the guy on the phone was my SO's ex-wife's boyfriend. He was calling to apologize for beating up the kid my SO and his ex-wife share (for reference, he hasn't seen the kid except as and infant because the ex keeps playing head games with him and the courts. it's not for lack of trying. unfortunately, the state we live in has a habit of siding with the mother no matter what)! I don't even know how he got the number...So we throw on some clothes and go out to his ex's house, who won't let him see his kid. I call the cops and tell them what's going on, and they send out 2 cruisers. By the time they get there, the ex is screaming and bawling that we can't take the kid away because it's not that bad and we're not allowed to take her away. The cops tell her she doesn't have a choice in this, they have to see the kid at this point. My SO finally gets to see his poor kid, the kid's skinny and dirty. There is also a MASSIVE bruise covering the side of this kid's face! Needless to say, we took the kid to the hospital (she had a concussion) and got an emergency custody order the same day. Since there is no room for the kid at our apartment, we've been staying with his sister so his kid has a place to sleep...Over the last couple of days we've been finding out just how badly this poor baby was treated. The kid hoards food under her bed and screams at the slightest thing. The BAD tantrums are when she throws herself to the floor and forces herself to throw up so we have to clean it. The kid's spit in my face twice and said that before she left her mommy told her I'm a "bad lady" and the kid has to hate me and her daddy. We've spent most of our savings on clothing the kid and getting her checked out medically (physical and mental). We have to move now, since the apartment has no room for her. AND when we stop by the apartment, we find the answering machine has a freakin' billion hang up calls on it. The ex's boyfriend has a warrant out on him (they can't find him and the ex refuses to give him up), so we're waiting for them to nab him. We've found out throught the lawyer that the boyfriend has a long history of domestic violence and drug charges. The ex has already filed with the court to get the kid back. <shudder> My SO says no way in hell, and I don't blame him. Dear God, I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into. That, and I feel like an episode of Jerry Springer... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmwise1 Posted April 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 Wow. Sounds like you are going through hell. I was in a custody battle and they can be vicious. My thoughts will be with you. Blessings and good luck! You are doing the right thing for that poor baby. She doesn't deserve what happened to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted April 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 you have gotten some excellent advise here, and I wish you the best of luck. I worked with special needs kids for almost 20 years, and the most important thing I learned, is when a child is the hardest to love, that is when they need it most.this is going to be a challenge, but look at it as the start of a happy life for that baby. I am praying for all of you. Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted April 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 There are also a few groups that I've seen on the net that may have some good information for him. Father's Rights are seldom seen as most important in the courts but the father has to see that he has rights. This woman has clearly made her choice and tried to hide just how bad this incident was. There is no excuse for this man to ever strike the child. I would also look to see if there is a BACA organization in your area. They will drop everything and show up if the child or you feel endangered by this couple. It's a damned shame that this is what it takes for the courts to even think about looking at the mothers. Good luck. I hope she is able to get past this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members triedntru Posted April 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 OMG!! I am so sorry that happened. No child should ever be abused like that. Ya'll are in my prayers. Thank you for taking her in, even though you know that you are in for one hell of a ride, the ride will slow down eventually. TNT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted April 21, 2008 Report Share Posted April 21, 2008 No, this never should've happened. I HATE it when women use the kids as pawns to get back at their exes, and all they do is expose the kids to neglect, abuse, and badmouthing of the other parent (which, IMHO is another form of abuse). Of anyone in the world, your kids should always be able to trust the parents. I am sorry. I would have your BF follow iha's advise. Plus, if messages are left on the answering machine and/or cell phone, KEEP THEM. DO not erase them, no matter how vile they may be. These will be handy. If you have caller ID, save the record. Get a record from the phone company on all incoming calls, to prove harassment, and to show the courts what you're having to deal with. Get a restraining order if you have too. Good luck, best wishes!! I hope that little girl doesn't have to go thru too much more to be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanilla_bean Posted April 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 Thank God that little girl has you two. My heart goes out to all of you. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angelkisses98 Posted April 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 my god that poor little girl. i am so sorry you and your SO have to go through this, but you are doing what is right for this little girl. i wish you all the best of luck, and am sending my love and prayers to the 3 of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team TonboMidori Posted April 22, 2008 Author Review Team Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 Some good news:THEY NABBED THE BASTARD!! My SO's sister thought to keep up on our county's "Persons in Custody" page (i didn't even know those existed. silly, i know) and found out they picked him up early this evening. Plus, I managed to get la nina (sounds better than "the kid" ) bathed tonight without any tantrums! I never thought I would say that with pride. I know it won't last long, but it makes me think everything will be okay in the end. Thanks for the good thoughts and advice, everyone. We've decided we're going to get her in to see a child psychologist the second we can (we're still looking). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hollybw Posted April 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 I'm so glad to hear things are getting a little better in your situation! Glad they got him!Also, it is really good progress that she is having less tantrums, and great that you two are taking to see a professional. In my experience, too many parents cease to seek professional help, thinking their child is "fine." Good for you and your bf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members whiskeywoman Posted April 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 WOW!I was holding my breath while readin this post.Being able to give her a bath without a fit is a HUGE step in the right direction.I know you are probably walking on eggshells trying to keep her happy.Being a parent/gaudian of an abused child is one of the toughest jobs ever, it is so hard to find that line of balance.I wish you both thte best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Valntyn Posted April 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 22, 2008 Sending good thoughts to the three of you for a healthy, normal, stress-free life in the very near future. Keep your chin up and relish every baby-step you recognize in that poor dear's betterment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team TonboMidori Posted April 23, 2008 Author Review Team Report Share Posted April 23, 2008 Well, we're back from the child psychologist. He says he wants to see her a few more times to get a better overall view, but it looks like la nina has PTSD. He also thinks she might have ADHD, but he says he'll get a better feel the more he talks with her. I personally think ADHD is highly overdiagnosed, but then I'm not the expert. The good thing is, he says we've been doing the right thing when she has 'episodes' (rather than tantrums. good call, iha ). We talk to her and try to get her to explain what she is feeling rather than punish her. Nice to know we're getting things right so far... He also suggested we get family counseling considering the situation. My SO's been really hard on himself since it happened, "If only I did this, if only I didn't do that" kind of thing. I'm scared to death since I have very little experience with kids at all, let alone one with troubles like these. We got paperwork in the mail stating that the custody hearing is on 5/5. I didn't think it would be that quick, I don't know if the abuse has anything to do with it. We're just really nervous that the court will give la nina right back to her mother. Speaking of which, the cops showed up at our apartment earlier to do a 'welfare check' on la nina. Said they got a call that there was a child being neglected at our address, and that there were 'occult activities' going on. "Occult activities?", you ask. "Yep", I say. Pretty sure her mother was behind it, but of course the cops can't tell you who made the call... It's not their fault, we just cooperated and got the officers' cards. Yes, I documented that visit. I somehow get the feeling there will be more Our apartment complex has been really nice. They said they have another apartment coming open, but it won't be ready until the end of May. My roommate's none too happy and has acted kinda dickish about the whole thing. Not that she was a good friend before or anything, but still...Thanks again to everyone for all the info and support. We appreciate it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Noahsmommy87 Posted April 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 23, 2008 that poor baby! Well even if you don't have ANY experience with children you are doing a WONDERFUL job with her! I hope that the custody hearing goes in your favor, b/c that poor baby deserves so much better then that low life of a mother she has! Smart thing with keeping account of all the times "someone" called and reports you guys and the police come. Good luck and I hope everything turns out better in the end. Everything happens for a reason, you guys are being resposible adults and doing the right thing! You're in my thoughts and prayers I couldn't imagne what you're going thru. Stay strong and hang in there! P.S. I LOVE your siggy thats so funny and true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angelkisses98 Posted April 24, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 24, 2008 Well, we're back from the child psychologist. He says he wants to see her a few more times to get a better overall view, but it looks like la nina has PTSD. He also thinks she might have ADHD, but he says he'll get a better feel the more he talks with her. I personally think ADHD is highly overdiagnosed, but then I'm not the expert. The good thing is, he says we've been doing the right thing when she has 'episodes' (rather than tantrums. good call, iha ). We talk to her and try to get her to explain what she is feeling rather than punish her. Nice to know we're getting things right so far... He also suggested we get family counseling considering the situation. My SO's been really hard on himself since it happened, "If only I did this, if only I didn't do that" kind of thing. I'm scared to death since I have very little experience with kids at all, let alone one with troubles like these. We got paperwork in the mail stating that the custody hearing is on 5/5. I didn't think it would be that quick, I don't know if the abuse has anything to do with it. We're just really nervous that the court will give la nina right back to her mother. Speaking of which, the cops showed up at our apartment earlier to do a 'welfare check' on la nina. Said they got a call that there was a child being neglected at our address, and that there were 'occult activities' going on. "Occult activities?", you ask. "Yep", I say. Pretty sure her mother was behind it, but of course the cops can't tell you who made the call... It's not their fault, we just cooperated and got the officers' cards. Yes, I documented that visit. I somehow get the feeling there will be more Our apartment complex has been really nice. They said they have another apartment coming open, but it won't be ready until the end of May. My roommate's none too happy and has acted kinda dickish about the whole thing. Not that she was a good friend before or anything, but still...Thanks again to everyone for all the info and support. We appreciate it well screw your roomie...she should be more supportive...you are helping a little girl who has been through so much, and shes gonna bitch about having here there for a month!? everything will work out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shariana Posted April 28, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 I hope all works out for you.As far as her having PTSD, I have it. The best thing to do is get her to a counselor and have her draw or write (depending on how old she is). Stay supportive of her no matter what and whenever she spits at you or hits you, hold her tight and tell her you love her. If she doesn't get the reaction she wants, she might just stop doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted April 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 That poor baby... No child should be robbed of an innocent childhood. If that mother should ever get visitation rights again they should only be controlled, supervised visitation at best. I wish you great success on you long road through recovery. Good luck in court on the 5th, you have a very strong case. I wouldn't think any judge would put a child back in the conditions you discribed. That would be negligent on the courts side, which opens other negligent legal issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Noahsmommy87 Posted May 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2008 I hope all goes good with the hearing today!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted May 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2008 WOW!! Sooo sorry to hear. Hope all works out for the best.Best Wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team TonboMidori Posted May 5, 2008 Author Review Team Report Share Posted May 5, 2008 Out of court, and my SO now has a temporary custody order for la nina! The reason it's only temporary is that we have another hearing (yet to be scheduled) for permanent custody. Until then, we and the ex have to set up a visitation schedule with a local state-run facility. The judge wants to give the ex a chance to be a good mother, I guess. I'm not sure what he's thinking, since everything she's done and said since that day is either downright stupid or an obvious lie. Here's some of the more interesting stuff:1) La nina wasn't badly bruised when she left that day, so my SO and I must have roughed her up more to make it worse before we took her to the hospital2) We have been stalking the ex (!)3) We are in a cult (confirms my suspicion about the visit from the cops)4) My SO and I aren't married (which leads to, drumroll please...)5) The ex's boyfriend is now her husband. That's right, she pulled the bail out of her ass somewhere and then almost immediately married him. Amazing. The guy beats your kid while coming down off a cocaine binge (yep, she knew. apparently she was coked up, too) and you turn around and marry the bastard?! The judge was actually speechless at that one. I swear it's like she's doing everything to ensure she doesn't get custody back. I wonder if it's subconcious or if she's really so dumb she thinks this is gonna get la nina this way.On another note, la nina is getting better. Slowly, but surely She still has screaming fits, but they're nowhere near as bad or as frequent as they were. The food hoarding is getting better as well, though we still find stuff under there. Plus, she's informed us that she doesn't think we're bad people like her mommy said. Yay for progress! Her therapist says she's doing well, though we're still worried about her nightmares. Unfortunately, he says there's really nothing we can do about them except soothe her when they happen I hate when she has nightmares. I mean, how do you protect someone from their own dreams? <sigh> Oh, a bit off topic but I have to share this incident, it was hilarious. La nina and I were sitting in the living room watching TV on Saturday. She's sitting to my side, but on the floor. I think to myself, "this is a nice bonding moment" and look over and smile at her. She sees me out of the corner of her eye, and faces me to smile back. Only problem was, she also had her finger jammed firmly up her nose while smiling at me Oh, well. I figure if that ends up being one of the worst things I have to deal with in a day, I'm in pretty good shape. Now, if they could just get that apartment open sooner... One thing at a time, I guess Thanks to everyone for the support and advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angelkisses98 Posted May 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2008 LOL about the nose thing!! thats a true kid moment! dont'cha just love those. her mother sounds like a real whack job! im glad shes away from her. temp. custody is a good start. i am glad she is doing better. keep up the good work!1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Noahsmommy87 Posted May 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2008 I am so glad things are going in your favor... and if you haven't given la nina anymore bruises then they have no reason so suspect that you made them worse... I really do hope everything keeps working in your favor, I am so glad things are getting better for the 3 of you... Yes children have their own way of ruining sweet moments like that haha... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members masquedxangel Posted May 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 PFT!PLEASE keep us updated! That moron does NOT need to even have visitation rights for that kid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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