Members pappyld04 Posted October 14, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 My cousin didn't get a son until #6! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DirtiestMindedVirgin Posted October 14, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 I agree with everyone saying HE'S the selfish one here! I personally believe that the majority of children are born for the wrong reasons entirely--not that they're not loved and it doesn't work out in the end, but "our family is just not complete" or "we want something of us to live on" is not enough! (And wanting a son--utter nonsense! My brother was wise enough to quit after three girls, even though his wife offered to try once more.) What about things like "being around children (any children, not just ones you happen to like) makes me happy" or "I think we can provide a stable environment which would produce well-adjusted children, and want to do so"?If you feel you're at your limit, then stick to that! You might try explaining it to him this way: having another baby would just build up resentment between you two, to the point where you would no longer want to be with him. His pressure to have another is eventually going to do the same--either way, his insistence is ONLY going to cause him to lose you. Ask him what he'd rather have: you, the awesome wife that he already knows and loves, or a baby that he doesn't know at all?There's an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie happens to find out that the man she's dating has already had a daughter in a previous relationship, and his attitude is "been there, done that, don't want to do it again." She's torn at first, but when she starts talking about it with the girls and Charlotte says that it simply won't work, Carrie asks her, "Why should I give up a man I barely know for a baby I barely know I want?"--ie, if this man turns out to be what I think he might, I could very well be perfectly happy with never having a baby. I bring this up because it sounds like you have a lot more to lose--and I admire you for being brave enough to be willing to let it go, if it comes to that. I hope it doesn't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted October 16, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 Tger, I have 3 kids and DH was never home, I'm sure you know that by now. However, I would have never had 3 children if I didn't have help. I would not have been able to do it all myself. I had House keepers, and a nanny that came in 2-3 times a week. If I was unable to afford such privilege, I don't think I could handle 3 kids myself. You need to know your own limits for yourself, and let your husband know your the one home 24/7 while he's out working for weeks at a time. You never misled him, he always knew exactly what you wanted and more importantly what you did not want. He needs to come to terms with it and move on so you both can get on with your life as a family and stop this state of limbo.Many people have told you beautiful stories about accidental pregnancies, but this is not the issue. If you did have an accidental pregnancy you would then have to decide weather to bring the pregnancy to term or terminate the pregnancy, which is a whole different topic.good luck Tyger, not matter what happens you both may get hurt durning this process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted October 17, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 Tger, I have 3 kids and DH was never home, I'm sure you know that by now. However, I would have never had 3 children if I didn't have help. I would not have been able to do it all myself. I had House keepers, and a nanny that came in 2-3 times a week. If I was unable to afford such privilege, I don't think I could handle 3 kids myself. You need to know your own limits for yourself, and let your husband know your the one home 24/7 while he's out working for weeks at a time. You never misled him, he always knew exactly what you wanted and more importantly what you did not want. He needs to come to terms with it and move on so you both can get on with your life as a family and stop this state of limbo.Many people have told you beautiful stories about accidental pregnancies, but this is not the issue. If you did have an accidental pregnancy you would then have to decide weather to bring the pregnancy to term or terminate the pregnancy, which is a whole different topic.good luck Tyger, not matter what happens you both may get hurt durning this process.Beautifully said, Ladylove. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted October 18, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Beautifully said, Ladylove.Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members harmanwk Posted October 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 Ouch Tyger! It is always difficult when the home team doesn't agree especially over something as permanent and lasting as family size. On most issues with a couple I would say there are areas for compromise, but when it comes to family planning and one says "enough" (even at none) there is very little room for compromise. And when someone gives in here when they have a firm position it often leads in problems sooner or later.My view of marriage is about team work and commitment. A couple should work together in their relationship and be 100% committed to the relationship. Now before someone believes I am trying to get you to give in to show your commitment, they are 100% wrong. Committment and working together does not mean always giving in to the other's wishes. Playing on a team is knowing what is best for the team and not just working for the desires of one team member.Try to tell him in terms HE might understand. I assume he is a football fan, many guys are (I am one of the exceptions). OK, it is 4th and goal, your team is down 6 pts to win with less than a minute on the clock of the 4th quarter. The QB and coach disagree on which play to make. The coach insists on a play the QB has struggled with but would catch the opposing team off guard. The QB insists he is not confident with the coaches play. The QB wants a play that he is confident of completing, but the opposing team has a chance of reading it. So, which play is the best for the team? A good coach would recognize the limitations of his QB, especially after his insistence and lack of confidence in completing the coaches play. Explain to him that you feel like the QB. You have struggled with the play of being pregnant before and you do not want to run this play in such an important decision. I would say it is best for the team and confidence of the QB to go with play the QB is more confident in completing. Tell him how this makes you feel as QB. For you that would be no more kids. He asks you why you don't want more kids. Maybe the question should be why does he insist on more? In my opinion he should be more concerned about your health and happiness than his own.If he is not a football fan, adopt the story to a sport more to his liking such as basketball or baseball. Hopefully this word picture will help him understand the situation of your team.I agree with the many that have said to stick with your guns on this, especially since you are so convinced of your position. You know you have reached your limitations and hopefully he will come to understand and accept what you know.By the way, I can somewhat relate. We waited 15 yrs before our first due to her depression and still had some struggles during the first year after our son was born. This is a long story with a good ending for us. Initially she wanted 3, I wanted 2 and then after our son (now 5) she wanted another, but I said let's see. Now there is NO possibility of us having anymore, she had a hysterectomy (sp?) due to severe endometrosis. That problem is solved (and no monthly visitor). We love our son and I would not mind having more if we were able, but I do not think she could handle dealing with two (or more) even though she is doing MUCH better, so we have one son and that is that. At least until she gets the bug to adopt again, but that is another story.Good luck TygerI hope you are recovering from Ike. It had all of us in South and East Texas bunkered down or helping those who evacuated.And can someone help me out on something. I missed the code key to DD, DH, etc. I can figure most of these out, but I must admit, so far I am just guessing on these. Some help would be appreciated on what DD and DH refer to. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted October 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 DD- is Dear DaughterDH- can be Dear Husband, or, if one is in a pissy mood, DICK HEAD dear husband LOL!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team TonboMidori Posted October 27, 2008 Review Team Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 You now, you could be snotty and tell him that if he insists on another kid, he can carry it around... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members harmanwk Posted October 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 Thanks Tyger. I was leaning toward "Dear Husband" but I wasn't quite sure. Sometimes you never know.Good luck with your HD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted October 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 DD- is Dear DaughterDH- can be Dear Husband, or, if one is in a pissy mood, DICK HEAD dear husband LOL!!!On Friday, mine was a dick head, but he is better, now!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted October 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 He hasn't asked or mentioned it lately. With all the stress I'm under with this whole car shit, he knows better. I may use the football analogy, but that's a lot to remember!! LMAO I've tried being snotty about it, but he knows that he's the one making the big bucks, so I couldn't follow thru with that threat, and I don't make threats I can't/won't keep! LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SensualWoman Posted October 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 I don't have any kids, but I feel the exact same way! I only want one kid. At first, when I was young, I thought that having three would be okay, and even told my SO that I was okay with that. But as time has gone on I have changed my mind. Now I feel bad for changing my mind... But I don't think it's selfish AT ALL to only want ONE. I feel that I can only handle ONE for the same reasons as you! Knowing, as you said, your limitations is NOT being selfish in any way. Hit him on the side of the head with a hammer that says "YOU GET IT NOW?!" a few times... lol! It's your body, you make the ultimate choice in the end. Make the best choice for you and your family. Eventually he'll notice that your just not budging... Hopefully anyway. Men are kind of thick-headed sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted October 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 It's a tuff situation, just make sure you take care of birth control. That way there wont be any questions?Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LilyElle Posted October 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Good call, Ladylove. I'm sure he would never intentionally cause an "oops!" with birth control to force you to have another child, but when one partner wants a child and the other doesn't, Freudian slips can happen. Again, it wouldn't be intentional, but the subconscious is a powerful thing.By the way, Tyger, I just noticed that your "#of sex toys you own" is "THEY'RE TAKING OVER!!!" I died laughing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Good call, Ladylove. I'm sure he would never intentionally cause an "oops!" with birth control to force you to have another child, but when one partner wants a child and the other doesn't, Freudian slips can happen. Again, it wouldn't be intentional, but the subconscious is a powerful thing.By the way, Tyger, I just noticed that your "#of sex toys you own" is "THEY'RE TAKING OVER!!!" I died laughing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted December 10, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Hay Tyger, how did everything work out for you on this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted December 10, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Hay Tyger, how did everything work out for you on this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted December 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 This is an issue we battle on & off. Lately, he hasn't said a word about it....for about 2 mos. or so now, actually. Maybe he's finally getting it??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted December 10, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 cross your fingers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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