Stretch Marks...

[Shoop]

Brief description...

k, I have stretch marks (from having babies) on my previously perfect stomach. I gained a LOT of weight while pregnant (both times) but lost it all...and now I have these faded, bumpy stretch marks. My stomach has returned to being flat, but I still have these stretch marks.

I was sitting there last night with my boyfriend (not the father of my kids, if that matters...I'm not with the father any longer as some of you probably know from my posts) who knows no different with me body wise. He never knew my perfect stomach. All he's known is my post baby body. Which he seems to love. I was sitting there, and my stomach was wrinkling up like stomachs do when people SIT, but on top of that the skin is bumpy due to the stretch marks. He leaned over, and kissed my tummy passionately. I was sitting there thinking "how can he think that that's sexy?" I'm probably being hard on myself here. As I've said before my ex wasn't so kind about my post-baby body. My boyfriend doesn't seem to care. I find it embarrassing.

Maybe I think he SHOULD care, because he's younger than me (almost 26) and he could get a young woman with no stretch marks....or maybe I think because my ex, the father of my kids and the reason that they are THERE (NOT THAT i regret having my babies, AT ALL!!!!!!!!) rejected me (not solely because of the s.marks, but he wasn't attracted to me in general) that maybe the man that I'm with now should also think that they are ugly.

Sorry guys, my self esteem troubles are rearing their ugly head, now focusing on my stomach. Any pep talk will help!!!

EDITED TO ADD: here is a pic of me taken last year. I guess I'm trying to point out that this is really no big deal. It's my ex that has possibly screwed me up and "helped" me think that I wasn't sexy. I can't take a pic of my crunched-up-sitting-on-the-couch-stomach that I was speaking of in this post right now unfortunately (camera issues).

http://forums.tootimid.com/index.php?showtopic=8547

[SadPuppy]

For me, stretch marks, or lack thereof, do not figure exclusively in my equation on what makes a woman sexy. I think that's pretty common among us guys. The physical part is not the only (or even most significant) part of sexiness. Big boobs; small boobs. Some very sexy women have big boobs. Also, some unsexy women (to me) have big boobs. Big tummy; small tummy; hairs around belly button, or none; love handles or none. Your boyfriend likes your tummy. Period. Your tummy is sexy. Period. Your tummy is sexy with stretch marks. He's very comfortable with your skin, and you should be equally comfortable within it. Without stretch marks, your tummy wouldn't be the same. Would you be sexier without stretch marks? Possibly, or maybe not. Your younger tummy was certainly sexy without them, and your current tummy is still sexy with them. Your tummy is only one ingredient, and as it is now, you're extremely sexy. INCLUDING your tummy, not DESPITE it!

I have looked at your pictures. And thanks for letting us see yet another example of the many different sexy bodies here on TT. I ain't seen a bad one yet! And I noticed your stretch marks, along with every other sexy inch of you. If that body ever came anywhere close to me, I'd pitch a tent that would impress PT Barnum! I suspect most other guys would too.

SP

p.s. I also especially appreciate nice big nippies. and YOU GOT 'EM!! Yum.

[sun_flower969]

Again you sound like me! I have stretch marks. I had them before I had kids too. I have battled with my weight all my life. I used to flinch if he would touch or kiss my abdomen or thighs. I was so insecure about it.

Now I don't care. You have to believe him and believe in yourself! He loves you for you, no matter what your flaws. My husband tells me, "I love everything about you, even the things you hate..." I never believed him. I mean how could he right?

I get it now. Our flaws are what makes us unique, special, set apart. You have these "imperfections" now. Why not try looking at it as life marks or character designs.

Society has made us feel this way. The "image" of perfection is out of our grasp and that is why we feel the way we do! Insecure, not good enough, ugly fat... Everyone is different and everyone is attracted to something different! I mean just look at all the different boobies! I bet every single one of those are someone's favorite! Contrary to what each girl might believe!

My Husband recently took pics of me in lingerie. I looked at them and wanted to puke about some of them. You know what he said about those... "Oh man that is hot. You are so sexy..." He means it no matter if I believe it or not!

Your boyfriend does too! Accept it, own it girl! Be happy! You are beautiful!

[Shoop]

Again you sound like me! I have stretch marks. I had them before I had kids too. I have battled with my weight all my life. I used to flinch if he would touch or kiss my abdomen or thighs. I was so insecure about it.

Now I don't care. You have to believe him and believe in yourself! He loves you for you, no matter what your flaws. My husband tells me, "I love everything about you, even the things you hate..." I never believed him. I mean how could he right?

I get it now. Our flaws are what makes us unique, special, set apart. You have these "imperfections" now. Why not try looking at it as life marks or character designs.

Society has made us feel this way. The "image" of perfection is out of our grasp and that is why we feel the way we do! Insecure, not good enough, ugly fat... Everyone is different and everyone is attracted to something different! I mean just look at all the different boobies! I bet every single one of those are someone's favorite! Contrary to what each girl might believe!

My Husband recently took pics of me in lingerie. I looked at them and wanted to puke about some of them. You know what he said about those... "Oh man that is hot. You are so sexy..." He means it no matter if I believe it or not!

Your boyfriend does too! Accept it, own it girl! Be happy! You are beautiful!

thanks. The funny thing is HE has flaws and I LOVE them....they make him him, and unique. So why can't I be so kind to myself?

I think it's what you said, "society". And the sad thing is society is getting the idea of what is beautiful from HOLLYWOOD, which AIRBRUSHES and alters photos! Plus the stars themselves are rich and have trainers and cooks and get themselves looked after, REGULARLY!

I love what your husband said. That is very cute. My ex-h said he would 'eventually learn to ACCEPT my post baby body'. NOT so nice!

I too used to flinch when my BF touched my tummy (I don't now, I just think thoughts in my head, yk? Because I'm TRYING to put forth a confident attitude as I know that in itself is sexy!) too....

Ha! All of the shots I've posted here, I'VE taken, ALONE. HE only gets to see the ones I've studied and poured myself over (figuratively) to see if my flaws are minimized or hidden. LOL. I've not yet been brave enough to have him take the shots. Good for you!

[Shoop]

For me, stretch marks, or lack thereof, do not figure exclusively in my equation on what makes a woman sexy. I think that's pretty common among us guys. The physical part is not the only (or even most significant) part of sexiness. Big boobs; small boobs. Some very sexy women have big boobs. Also, some unsexy women (to me) have big boobs. Big tummy; small tummy; hairs around belly button, or none; love handles or none. Your boyfriend likes your tummy. Period. Your tummy is sexy. Period. Your tummy is sexy with stretch marks. He's very comfortable with your skin, and you should be equally comfortable within it. Without stretch marks, your tummy wouldn't be the same. Would you be sexier without stretch marks? Possibly, or maybe not. Your younger tummy was certainly sexy without them, and your current tummy is still sexy with them. Your tummy is only one ingredient, and as it is now, you're extremely sexy. INCLUDING your tummy, not DESPITE it!

I have looked at your pictures. And thanks for letting us see yet another example of the many different sexy bodies here on TT. I ain't seen a bad one yet! And I noticed your stretch marks, along with every other sexy inch of you. If that body ever came anywhere close to me, I'd pitch a tent that would impress PT Barnum! I suspect most other guys would too.

SP

p.s. I also especially appreciate nice big nippies. and YOU GOT 'EM!! Yum.

THANK you, you are very good at the pep talk thing!

Big huge thanks.

Good imagery with the PT barnum tent thing. LOL.

[Mikayla1]

I have stretch marks too - BAD ONES! I had those horrible, red, puffy ones alllll over my stomach. I will never have a flat and flawless stomach again, since I had a c-section and I have the 'pouch' of skin down there. Ya know what? I don't care. Do I wish I had my perfect body back? Sure, if I could have my kids too, but that is not reality.

I think we all have things that we don't like about our bodies as we get older or after we have kids - but we have to just deal with it I guess. I say, if you feel sexy inside, it really doesn't matter what is on the outside really?

I will tell you a short story. After my second child was born I was still in the hospital recovering. I was in the shower the day they took my IV out. Just standing there, letting the water go all over me. You know how it is, you HAVE to have that shower. You have bled all over, you are sore and just plain ready for it. So I am standing there too long apparently and my hubby came in to check on me. He opened the curtain and said, "I can't wait until you can have sex again, you are so beautiful!"

I'm like, bullshit! Here I am, looking beat to hell, bruises all over my arm, my stomach skin hanging, a big bunch of surgical tape covering my Frankenstein-esque c-section scar and HE says I am beautiful!

He meant it too. I am beautiful to him, even when I clearly am not. So why are we women harder on ourselves? Why do we say we are fat, ugly, etc when the men who love us - LOVE US - the way we are? It is sad that we do this, really.

I say we start a movement, be happy in our skins, no matter what that skin may look like!

[sun_flower969]

I have stretch marks too - BAD ONES! I had those horrible, red, puffy ones alllll over my stomach. I will never have a flat and flawless stomach again, since I had a c-section and I have the 'pouch' of skin down there. Ya know what? I don't care. Do I wish I had my perfect body back? Sure, if I could have my kids too, but that is not reality.

I think we all have things that we don't like about our bodies as we get older or after we have kids - but we have to just deal with it I guess. I say, if you feel sexy inside, it really doesn't matter what is on the outside really?

I will tell you a short story. After my second child was born I was still in the hospital recovering. I was in the shower the day they took my IV out. Just standing there, letting the water go all over me. You know how it is, you HAVE to have that shower. You have bled all over, you are sore and just plain ready for it. So I am standing there too long apparently and my hubby came in to check on me. He opened the curtain and said, "I can't wait until you can have sex again, you are so beautiful!"

I'm like, bullshit! Here I am, looking beat to hell, bruises all over my arm, my stomach skin hanging, a big bunch of surgical tape covering my Frankenstein-esque c-section scar and HE says I am beautiful!

He meant it too. I am beautiful to him, even when I clearly am not. So why are we women harder on ourselves? Why do we say we are fat, ugly, etc when the men who love us - LOVE US - the way we are? It is sad that we do this, really.

I say we start a movement, be happy in our skins, no matter what that skin may look like!

FUCKING A!!! Let's do it! That is awesome! Thanks for sharing that!

I think I had a physical flashback of the post partum shower. It felt so good I didn't want to come out ever!

[Shoop]

I have stretch marks too - BAD ONES! I had those horrible, red, puffy ones alllll over my stomach. I will never have a flat and flawless stomach again, since I had a c-section and I have the 'pouch' of skin down there. Ya know what? I don't care. Do I wish I had my perfect body back? Sure, if I could have my kids too, but that is not reality.

I think we all have things that we don't like about our bodies as we get older or after we have kids - but we have to just deal with it I guess. I say, if you feel sexy inside, it really doesn't matter what is on the outside really?

I will tell you a short story. After my second child was born I was still in the hospital recovering. I was in the shower the day they took my IV out. Just standing there, letting the water go all over me. You know how it is, you HAVE to have that shower. You have bled all over, you are sore and just plain ready for it. So I am standing there too long apparently and my hubby came in to check on me. He opened the curtain and said, "I can't wait until you can have sex again, you are so beautiful!"

I'm like, bullshit! Here I am, looking beat to hell, bruises all over my arm, my stomach skin hanging, a big bunch of surgical tape covering my Frankenstein-esque c-section scar and HE says I am beautiful!

He meant it too. I am beautiful to him, even when I clearly am not. So why are we women harder on ourselves? Why do we say we are fat, ugly, etc when the men who love us - LOVE US - the way we are? It is sad that we do this, really.

I say we start a movement, be happy in our skins, no matter what that skin may look like!

LET'S start that movement!

k, seriously, that story about what your husband said BROUGHT tears to my EYES! SERIOUSLY. I wonder if I'm PMS-ing? Because I could truly cry over that story!!!! I love your husband! (in a purely platonic way, of course, LOL).

[Shoop]

wife had a baby 3 months ago and man she was huge.

think the total package matters more then one little thing. Alot of things are missed they are not seen. I know my wife has stetch marks, she has two we have 2 children, I dont know where they are. I havetn looked for them.

when you care for the other person it doesnt matter.

Wife say how can you find this sexy, as I was trying to get her in the mood after the baby. She rattles off a list of things she thinks have changed since we meet. I wasnt listening just waiting for her to stop. I reminded her that when we met I was 185 now 220, saggy boobs and ass, and not more abs yet you still love me. she was like yeah, your ass is saggy.

dont know if that makes any sense

good attitude. Maybe I'm so warped because the father of my children didn't have quite as good of an attitude. I totally agree with you though!

I think porn also skews how women feel about thier bodies and how MEN see women's bodies.

I smell a spinoff! (off to post!)

[sun_flower969]

wife had a baby 3 months ago and man she was huge.

think the total package matters more then one little thing. Alot of things are missed they are not seen. I know my wife has stetch marks, she has two we have 2 children, I dont know where they are. I havetn looked for them.

when you care for the other person it doesnt matter.

Wife say how can you find this sexy, as I was trying to get her in the mood after the baby. She rattles off a list of things she thinks have changed since we meet. I wasnt listening just waiting for her to stop. I reminded her that when we met I was 185 now 220, saggy boobs and ass, and not more abs yet you still love me. she was like yeah, your ass is saggy.

dont know if that makes any sense

Betcha that's why she doesn't seem to want sex... she feels bad about herself!

[sun_flower969]

your right. I noticed since she has started dieting when she loses weight we have sex, funny but true

So PRAISE her!!! Tell her how she looks great, slimmer, sexy!!!! Grab that while you can boy! Boost her self esteem I bet it will work wonders!

[mailahn97]

I know what you mean. I have the stretch marks as well form having my daughter csection. I had such a problem with it for quite a few years. Just recently I have started to realize I am sexy. I am still battling with it. I dont' always accept it when he tells me I am....even though I know in my heart that he does truly mean it.

[Shariana]

Just recently I have started to realize I am sexy. I am still battling with it. I dont' always accept it when he tells me I am....even though I know in my heart that he does truly mean it.

I am the same way. With my current SO, I have never felt so beautiful. He loves me exactly how I am and wouldn't change me for the world. My past boyfriends tried to keep me from eating certain foods or to dress a certain way. Andy just wants me to be happy and healthy. If I'm healthy, he doesn't care how I look so long as I am content with it!

I agree! We should start a movement! We are all damn sexy even if everyone else is too thickheaded to see it!

[angelkisses98]

I have stretch marks...BAD...they have lightened over the years. Stretch marks were so bad they were bleeding, yes thats right, bleeding..when my doc saw those, i was induced right away.

My hubby doesnt mind them, in fact i dont even think he notices them

[DADT]

Sexy is "between the ears." Its an attitude. You had kids. Could not tell. You look awesome. Of course, your BF kisses you on the tummy. And probably anywhere else. He can't get enough of you. You need a pep talk? You're kidding!

[Shoop]

I have stretch marks...BAD...they have lightened over the years. Stretch marks were so bad they were bleeding, yes thats right, bleeding..when my doc saw those, i was induced right away.

My hubby doesnt mind them, in fact i dont even think he notices them

oh dear, you poor thing, bleeding! Well I think YOU all have it right and I'm the one who's backwards then. Meaning it SHOULDN'T matter. And if situations were flipped and my boyfriend had them, I'd not care, or maybe I'd even just love them because they were apart of HIM. It's obviously my past relationship haunting me here....ya know what I mean?

[mystofpric]

oh dear, you poor thing, bleeding! Well I think YOU all have it right and I'm the one who's backwards then. Meaning it SHOULDN'T matter. And if situations were flipped and my boyfriend had them, I'd not care, or maybe I'd even just love them because they were apart of HIM. It's obviously my past relationship haunting me here....ya know what I mean?

Yup I know exactly what you mean. My ex used to tell me to not gain any way or get fat (i was at my thinnest when i was with him) and now every time i have something quasi-serious witha guy I find my weight dropping... Hmmm..... Oh well. I looked closely at your pic hun,a nd yeah, you have stretch marks, but I'll let you in on a secret, you are NO where need the stretch mark smy little sister has and she actually lost weight when she was preggers, her legs, chest, stomach back, all nasty (and by nasty I mean they look painful) stretch marks. Poor kid. nd i wouldn't say you have it wrong at all, that is how your douche of an ex reprogrammed you, like your SO is trying (probably unconsciously) to reprogram you to think better of yourself. You'll get there in the mean time just keep reminding yourself how hot you are!

[Shoop]

Sexy is "between the ears." Its an attitude. You had kids. Could not tell. You look awesome. Of course, your BF kisses you on the tummy. And probably anywhere else. He can't get enough of you. You need a pep talk? You're kidding!

no, I wasn't kidding. But thanks. That in itself is a pep talk.

[DADT]

Too bad you needed a pep talk. The EX was a real prince. Real Men don't notice stretch marks. Maybe some parts of you look even better after the babies? Curvier hips & butt Maybe? Real Men do notice that...and love it.

[Shoop]

Too bad you needed a pep talk. The EX was a real prince. Real Men don't notice stretch marks. Maybe some parts of you look even better after the babies? Curvier hips & butt Maybe? Real Men do notice that...and love it.

Thanks DADT. I'm really not too sure if anything looks better. The ex nicely informed me that he wasn't attracted to my post baby body (although I later found out that he wasn't even attracted to my pre-baby body) due to the stretch marks and due to the fact that my boobs had gone down a 'whole cup size'. Which was why he asked me to get implants, of course. He said that he would eventually "learn to live with" my post baby body, but it'd take time. He really had no idea that what he said was skewed, nor that his ideas were skewed. Actually typing this to you made me refer back to an email he sent to his family, about my body changes and about how it's normal for men to have issues with their wives post baby body. Here's a snipit. My IRL friend on TT has read this, but to everyone else, here it is....

"I said it was unreasonable for her to assume that her body changing that much would not

have any effect on me (I totally understand why and sympathize for what she's had to go through birthing/raising our children and I feel guilty for having come out of it physically scot-free so to speak.) I told her it's always been an issue with men having to cope with the fact that their wives were no longer the same as when they married them, it's an age old issue, but it was one I understood and could deal with in time, because for me love is what makes the world go around and not sex. I've explained that her breasts have changed considerably and what she's sensed from me is true, but that it is something I would deal with and know would become comfortable with eventually."

Anyways, I hope that's not too personal to share, however this is the real reason that I still struggle even though it's been 2 years since the split. If someone who said they loved me like crazy for years could end up thinking/feeling these things about me, how can I really feel secure again? Besides, you've all seen my pics...although you never saw before pics, I can attest that I'm really not THAT different!!!! So WTF?

Now I say that but I'm pretty much OK these days (lately). But there is some of this stuff that still lingers in me. Deep.

And want to know something REALLY sad? I've gained a few lbs in the past 2 years (which has in essence made me curvier, although I am still smack in the middle of the weight range for my height) and the thought crossed my mind a few months ago was this...I wondered if my ex would like my boobs NOW. Now that they're bigger, probably back to where they 'were' pre-baby. I actually pondered this thought! And then I remembered that I'm also curvier everywhere else and that was NOT ok with the ex. He wanted porn girls, super skinny with big fake boobs...not "healthy" weight with normal sized boobs.

I actually cried over that thought. And I shared it with my boyfriend. Poor guy!

Anyways, sorry to ramble. I use these moments as self therapy! LOL.

[mystofpric]

therapy away, that's what we're here for.

A woman who becomes a mother is a beautiful thing, physically and otherwise. And ya knwo something? I have stretch marks and I've never had kids, in fact I have stretch marks on my boobs. I'm not gonna like I HATE them. I've never had kids ro anything so i don't have something wonderful to show for them, just them. But ya know what? no guy has ever commented on them, they just see boobs.

The Ex is an ass, however, if you guys were together for a long time (which I think you were, right?) then you're probably always going to have moments where you ponder what he'd think, totally natural. Just remember how skewed his POV is and give him a mental bitch slap.

Yes, you have issues with your body (i'd say all of us do) but your on the right path to accepting and loving your body as it is. Is it unreasonable to think that you will be able to feel 100% secure with your new SO after all that the ex did? Only at first. honestly, you might not feel 100% secure for a while, but you will get there. When you look in teh mirror point out 1 good thing about your body everyday, 1 good DIFFERENT thing every day and soon you'll have a hard time seeing some of your flaws (if you actually have any)

[DADT]

Anyways, sorry to ramble. I use these moments as self therapy! LOL.

He wrote that to his family? Did he eat lead paint as a kid?

Be glad he is now your Ex. He's pathetic. Feel good about your BF now, and forget the Ex.

Therapy rambling is good for you. Glad you shared. We're pals now.

[Tyger]

I think that your current BF is the bomb!! If he loves your body just as it is, then you should run with it!! Most men don't even see the stretch marks. If they do, the see it as a badge of motherhood that they don't mind at all.

I had a man that I thought I needed to stay super-thin for. The GF he had a few yrs before me, was like a size 3. I could never be that thin, but I was able to stay a size 6 (120 lbs) for 6 yrs. Now, looking back on pics I had, I was perhaps a bit too obsessive of my weight, which is a big time consuming thing!! I'm 5'9". and I was too thin. I see that now. When you're with a man that constantly critisizes you (at one point, in HS I was like 100lbs and my BF at the time told me I was too fat), you tend to believe THAT more than you do a positive compliment. Women suck that way!! LMAO We tend to believe the negatives alllllll to easily, and just kind of brush off the nice compliments.

My hubby loves "hippy" women. I tell him that he's hit the jackpot with me!! I have the hourglass figure I've been told I shouldn't hide. Yes, I want to drop a few pounds, however, I do show off my c-section scar (to those that ask to see it) with pride and love!!

Be proud of your curves & baby-scars!!!

[ToyQueen]

You girls think too much. If you had a penis the thought to post this would have never occured to ya. You look great don't worry about it.

We think too much because some men aren't as...intelligent...as the men here. There are far too many of us who have been criticized for the scars of motherhood...

[Shoop]

I completely understand where you're coming from. Whenever my husband gives me attention anyplace I consider to be a problem area, I just tense up and do whatever I can to get him away from that place.

My problem though, is that I don't really accept other peoples' flaws. I'm nearly as judgmental about them as I am myself so that line of thinking doesn't work.

see, I'm totally different. I don't really SEE weight gain on people, I glaze over imperfections & even love them. I'm WAY easier on others than I am on myself.

I understand the tensing up part!