She Used To Like It, Now She Doesn't

[pandapandapie]

When my girlfriend and I started dating, she loved giving me blowjobs. Now, almost a year later, she doesn't anymore. And I'm wondering why.

We used to be on this whole experimentation thing where we tried everything and I think that's when it started. She started trying to deepthroat because she thought I'd like it but she always ended up gagging herself and not enjoying it so I told her to stop. Also I came on her face once, which she thought was too dirty and hated, and although we've talked through it since and I've explained to her that I didn't like it like I thought I would either, and she said she feels much better about it now, things just seem to be getting worse. But those two things are all I can think of that it might be.

Then one night, I was giving her oral but I was laying in sort of a 69 way so she started on me too, saying she wanted to because it was there. And she loved it; she made me cum twice. I thought that was the end of it. But it wasn't.

A couple weeks ago, she said she didn't want me to cum in her mouth anymore, which she's always liked before, even though we hadn't even done anything in a long time (long-distance relationship). It seems like every few weeks, it just gets worse.

I've tried talking to her about it but it just makes me feel bad because she says she wishes she still liked it but she doesn't now and gets upset. So now I don't even say anything because it makes me feel like a jerk.

So what's the problem? I've done everything. I shave, which she loves, I bought flavored lube, which she talks about like she's really excited about the idea, but she has never actually used, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm starting to get really paranoid because this happened someone I know, right before she discovered her preference for women, and something similar also happened with an ex, right before she broke up with me.

My girlfriend assures me that she's completely in love with me, and I have no doubts from the way that she acts; it's just this one thing. I don't know. I would understand if she never liked to, but she used to love it and now she doesn't. I'm confused. I can't help but feel like it's part of a bigger problem, but I can't possibly imagine what since I've approached this from every angle I can think of.

[sun_flower969]

I think it could be a couple things. She might feel embarrassed about the gagging etc. and in effect, insecure about her abilities. Talk to her about why she doesn't like it and REASSURE her! Tell her how good she is, etc how it feels. Praise her! It could make her want to do it!

For me I find I get really into it if I am already pretty aroused. This could help her as well. You know sort of get her warmed up before trying to perform on you...

Hope this helps!

[christinaf085]

I have to agree with the person above me, if shes not aroused shes not going to want to do it. Also, for me I want to do it when I feel like it, just like sex, I'm not going to want to give oral if I'm not in the mood.

Also, for me anyway, being asked for it all the time, especially if say, i'm having my period, I can't have sex and even if I'm horny, you shouldn't just expect it just b/c you can't have sex. And personally feel like if I'm being asked all the time that you like oral better than having sex with me, which happened with an ex of mine and I think part of being in a relationship that is physical is wanting to pleasure the other person as well as your self.

As far as the not wanting to do it there are times I don't want to, maybe she just needs a break, its pretty strenuous on your neck and shoulders, and then if she isn't really into it and is just doing it to please you thats just adding to her stress. Offer to give her a neck rub with it, or AFTER IT, before is not going to help.

And as far as the swallowing, sometimes its good and sometimes its not. let her do what she feels is right, sometimes swallowing is ok and sometimes i just hold it in my mouth and then spit it in the sink, other times i take it out completely before he comes and finish it with my hand. everyone is different.

If the rest of the relationship is going good and its just oral that is a problem then you should work through it. If you honostly think this is a reason that the two of you are going to break up then there are likely other problems that the two of you need to work on, or maybe you aren't meant to be.

[ginshreve]

Hi Gabe,

By process of elimination - either something has gone very wrong or she never actually "loved" giving bjs in the first place.

Assuming something has gone wrong, examine your relationship outside of sex. Is she getting the contact/romance/attention she needs when you are not having sex? I think sometimes people with hold when they are upset about something else which may have nothing to do with the actual act. Think about this carefully.

Another option is that she never really loved going down on you to begin with, but used it as a tool to hook you in. Now that she has you where she wants you, she no longer has to pretend. A nasty possibility, but one you must consider, if examination of the act and relationship indicates that these are not the problem. It just makes no sense to think that she went from loving giving bjs to not doing it at all for no reason.

I guess it is always possible that something has changed with your taste or texture; many say that what you ingest through eating, drinking, and smoking influences the taste and texture in good or bad ways. Perhaps she is just afraid of offending you by telling you that something about your taste is off-putting. Another option to consider is that you enjoyed this act so much that you focused on it to the exclusion of things she likes better, and her only strategy to manage this is with holding totally. Not a very mature way to handle the whole thing, but her inability to discuss this rationally with you does not say a lot for her maturity level anyway.

If you are serious about this woman, think carefully about her inability to commmunicate about something so critical to a healthy sex life. I think it may be a red flag for difficulties communicating in other areas, too. DANGER!!

[sass]

I agree with moontide. I think more info is needed before you can really determine what is going on here, but in my experiences, not wanting to do something sexual rarely is strictly about the act - usually there is an emotion that is connected with it that is affecting things. And communication is so vital to any relationship, if the two of you cannot communicate successfully about this, like moontide said, it might be a red flag.

Now, with all that said, I will admit there are times I am just not in the mood to give head. I don't know why. Maybe my throat hurts a little, or I am too thirsty or I just rather not, but that never lasts more than a day and if it did, then I would do some soul searching of my own to see why MY desires had changed.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[SadPuppy]

You'll never know why for sure unless or until she can talk to you about it. If she can't, then it'll always hang over both of you. Then sex will go downhill and eventually end because of the lack of openess and trust, which is essential for a deep/lasting relationship. Someone in another reply suggested a difference between "giving a blowjob" and "having sex." It's all sex, and it's always both of you. If a woman is giving a blow job but doesn't think of it as "having sex," then it's more like a mechanical chore to her. She'll either have to come around and talk about it, or it'll end. Or if she participated in a wide variety of sex early on, then "backed off" when she thought she had you hooked, then she's manipulative and playing dirty pool. That happens sometimes too. Sorry.

[ladylove]

Gabe your could get 800 million different responses and opinions, but until you sit down outside of the bedroom and have a probing talk to get to the bottom of this your not going to know or be satisfied. Don't be afraid to be uncomfortable in the discussion, or cause some discomfort. You need to know.

[Tyger]

Well, first, I wanted to say that this is a really good post. Not that I'm glad you're going thru it, but I'm glad you posted.

As for your problem. I didn't see how old you/her are, so I am thinking that there may be a bit of self-consciousness involved on her part, which can cause self-doubt, and causing her to not like it anymore.

One other thing I think may be possible is that you are taking her at her word. Not that I'm suggesting that your GF is lying to you per say, but, the whole "she's over me cumming on her face" and the attempts at deepthroating, where she says she's OK with it, I don't think are overly truthful.

Yes, you've been together for a year, and with that, comes experimentation and all that, but sometimes, even a slightly bad experience can have the worst results. She may be less confident in her and your abilites. Hers to pleasure you, and possibly your control (cumming wise).

Do you tell her when she is doing something you like? I don't mean the common "Oh yeah baby", but REALLY telling her ("I LOVE it when you suck on my balls just like that") kind of thing? Really boosting her self-esteem in oral areas should help a lot. And, encouraging HER to also let you know what she is liking at the time too. When you have a lot of doubts, things tend to get in the way of pleasuring & being pleasured.

Talking outside the bedroom is VERY VERY important. However, there is a point where over-talking can also be a BAD thing, making the person that has the issues can make them feel like a failure. Feeling like a failure can kill the libido and desire to please. It all depends on if the subject is broached in a tactful, non-accusing manner. Coming across as "Why don't you like to suck my dick anymore?" Doesn't sound too pleasant or a way to invite a more communicative way of finding out what can be done. I don't know how you're bringing it up, but, don't overdue it. You don't want to seem like you're nagging, or trying to make her feel bad for not pleasing you, right?

Another thing is, that, once you've been in a relationship for a while, people tend to get a bit "lazy", or rush things.....so, do you think you take the time that you did in the beginning of the relationship? Do you take your time with her, making SURE that she is aroused? Does she do the same for you, or does it feel like a chore for either of you?

I hope that you ask yourself these questions HONESTLY, and really think about the answers. I know it's easy to just jump on the defensive, but really THINK about these issues. Things like you're saying doesn't ALWAYS mean that your SO is cheating.

Best wishes.

When my girlfriend and I started dating, she loved giving me blowjobs. Now, almost a year later, she doesn't anymore. And I'm wondering why.

We used to be on this whole experimentation thing where we tried everything and I think that's when it started. She started trying to deepthroat because she thought I'd like it but she always ended up gagging herself and not enjoying it so I told her to stop. Also I came on her face once, which she thought was too dirty and hated, and although we've talked through it since and I've explained to her that I didn't like it like I thought I would either, and she said she feels much better about it now, things just seem to be getting worse. But those two things are all I can think of that it might be.

Then one night, I was giving her oral but I was laying in sort of a 69 way so she started on me too, saying she wanted to because it was there. And she loved it; she made me cum twice. I thought that was the end of it. But it wasn't.

A couple weeks ago, she said she didn't want me to cum in her mouth anymore, which she's always liked before, even though we hadn't even done anything in a long time (long-distance relationship). It seems like every few weeks, it just gets worse.

I've tried talking to her about it but it just makes me feel bad because she says she wishes she still liked it but she doesn't now and gets upset. So now I don't even say anything because it makes me feel like a jerk.

So what's the problem? I've done everything. I shave, which she loves, I bought flavored lube, which she talks about like she's really excited about the idea, but she has never actually used, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm starting to get really paranoid because this happened someone I know, right before she discovered her preference for women, and something similar also happened with an ex, right before she broke up with me.

My girlfriend assures me that she's completely in love with me, and I have no doubts from the way that she acts; it's just this one thing. I don't know. I would understand if she never liked to, but she used to love it and now she doesn't. I'm confused. I can't help but feel like it's part of a bigger problem, but I can't possibly imagine what since I've approached this from every angle I can think of.

[jhard]

IMO, moontide and firefighter are right on the money. While reading your post, I was thinking "damn, sounds like he just got married!"

Anyway, be glad that this is happening to you before you married the gal.

jhard