thurisas

You might want to take a peek at the Mismatched Sex Drives article under the sex education tab at the top of this page. That could address many of your questions and concerns right there. Not knowing your situation I can't really give you too much help though, so, I'll ask a few questions instead. When are you initiating sex? Does he work? Do you ever try to initiate sex before he works/whatever when he's not wiped out by the day's activities? Have you tried anything new with him during sex? Do you continuously flirt with him throughout the day to keep him in the mood? If you look back through the forums you'll see that this topic has been covered many many times and there is a ton of good advise already written out there. At the very least, you'll see you're not alone. There is a search engine for the posts here and you might benefit from using that. Thurisas.

Welcome to the site, I'm sure you'll find lots of useful information. Thurisas.

If you're in a relationship of any kind, I would think you would want your SO to know that you're going to be gone for any length of time. When in a relationship you have certain obligations to that other person to help make your plans fit around theirs. Business trips happen, but you should be up front that this is what it is. I personally can't picture a day off where I wouldn't be spending it with my wife, but that's just me as she is my best friend. The biggest thing is that you don't want to give the impression of deception. Perception is reality in the absence of truth. If your SO calls your office while you're away or out playing, alarms will likely be ringing in thier head if you weren't up front with them. Just be up front with them and all should be well, I'm sure. Thurisas.

Welcome, ask away, and contribute often. Thurisas.

I don't think there is any product out there that really works to increase libido. Having been in retail pharmacy as a store manager for years and years, I have to say that I've seen it all come through. The fact is that some of these products may have the latest "in" herb or vitamin or whatever to increase sexual desire but they're almost "out" again as soon as they hit the market because a new "in" thing supposedly works even better. The problem is that most of this stuff is probably psychological. You see, these items aren't really controlled very well, what few trials that are done are clinical ones and are usually funded by the marketing department of the company that wants to sell them. I think you might benefit in a shift in the way of thinking for you and your wife. It shouldn't be "I want sex" and "no I'm not in the mood." It should be more along the lines of flirting throughout the day, working her into the mood, and priming her for the playtime later. Continue as you are, though, not being pushy. Flirt with the idea that you may still have to satisfy yourself that night. With a bit of luck and skill, though, you won't have to. Thurisas.

Welcome, don't forget you can be a teacher as well as a student!! Look forward to hearing from you. Thurisas.

I think internet dating can be a double edged sword. As Howard said, you have the chance to be open and completely honest due to your anonymity and get that in return, but at the same time you have the chance to get and give a pack of lies or embellishments. Either way you're stuck in the very same position all relationships have to get to. You have to meet this person, you have to be attracted to them in some way/shape/form, and you have to find a comfort level of trust and respect that will make you want to see them again. So, it CAN be a great tool, but I would approach it with a fair amount of caution. Thurisas.

Rabbits and dogs are indeed a far cry from each other genetically. But just supposing I wanted to poke holes in your theory using two different animals, keep in mind that rabbits and cats CAN and DO breed and have a healthy offspring. The fact of the matter is that ignorance runs amok throught all societies and as a result there is a fair amount of descrimination that is simply just plain foolish in my opinion. We have one planet, we've all been put here/grown here/evolved here/whatever, its time we all acted like we're part of the whole instead of squabbling about who's better than who. Thurisas.

Welcome. Thurisas.

I've worked for a company that does photo processing. For the most part, nudity is fine to print, its when you get into penetration that policy gets in the way. On the other hand, so long as people were up front with what they were dropping off, I had no troubles printing so long as the subjects in question didn't look under 18 (at which point we had to call the FBI). We were able to put up a block to turn our open processor into a closed processor so our customers were none the wiser. It really is management's discretion though and you'd have to put yourself out there to actually ask. I do know that the company Qualex will print whatever comes through. One thing I will say is that nowadays, with digital cameras, all you have to do is purchase a memory card and then you can go to any kiosk(sometimes private businesses have private kiosks) and print your own. That can get a bit expensive though. Thurisas.

Welcome to the site...and wow, that's quite a bit to get off your chest there. Down to your basic question though, the primal one, so to speak. If there is no chemistry, there is no point. The way I see it, you've come down to one of two scenarios. You either like your wife but don't really love her or, you love your wife but don't really like her and it sounds she may be in the same boat. Either way you cut it, you have to find a way to do both or you're going to continue to be miserable. So I guess I'm saying yes, it is either/or but who wants to live in a relationship where there is no chemistry? I should have to say that choice for me would be a no-brainer. That being said, your situation sounds much like one my wife and I were in a while back. There was no sex, there was no talking about sex, there was no talking about any of the problems we had. It took us starting to pull very much apart before anything changed. It has to be a decision on both people's part in order to make a relationship work. Once that decision is made and is stuck to, things start to change. Soon, we were doing more to compromise with each other and our sex lives increased exponentially. The key thing here is that we both wanted to change. In your case, it sounds like your wife is reluctant at best. That is why I said my decision were I in your shoes would be a no brainer. I'm sure others will have other things to say so I'll leave it at that for now. Thurisas

First let me say welcome to the site. I'm sure others will pipe in shortly, but I'll give a shot at giving you some advice. As far as imagination goes, there are actually some games that have been reviewed recently that can help you with this. If you check out the sex toy reviews section you will find some things like the 52 sex positions game http://forums.tootimid.com/index.php?showtopic=3279 amongst others. Where he works long hours and his job is demanding, you might want to consider trying to be a morning person instead. Maybe you could wake him up instead of his alarm clock. There are many ways to do this, obviously, but one that is sure to get him into the mood is for you to go down on him before he's awake. Barring that, perhaps you could start whispering into his ear what you want to do with him. You could also get him up a bit early and actually join him in the shower for some playtime. As far as the bed goes, a good night's sleep is the best way to get him in the mood if he typically has long hard days. Nothing can be said for the right amount of good sleep. Other than that, I really can't give you any advice. Anyway, have fun with the toys, have fun with your partner, and remember that you already knows what works for you...he knows what works for him...now if you can get it together and find positions that capitalize on those truths, you can have a really great and wild time. Besides, expirimentation is half the fun. Thurisas.

I know I'm not Howard, but I think I have this one covered. If you go to the top of this page and look directly under the Too Timid banner, you'll see 4 tabs. The second tab is the sex education tab. Go ahead and click on that and that will bring you to the sex education part of this site where you'll find many useful articles. Hope this helps. Thurisas.

I have a problem slightly similar to your partner's. I have never been able to climax from getting head. It isn't that I don't want to, it isn't that I feel grossed out, it isn't that I'm not caught up in the feeling, it isn't that I'm not enjoying myself, and it has nothing to do with how my wife does it. I think I'm fairly normal and don't see this as a huge problem. From the sounds of it he is climaxing for you, just not in that one particular way. Perhaps with time, practice(lots and lots and lots of practice) and with you using methods to take his mind off of it in other ways(Howard's suggestion of massaging the prostate is one idea) that this will happen for you. The journey is most of the fun. Anyway, just keep trying new things, listen to his verbal and non-verbal communication to let you know what's working best, and see where it takes you. Thurisas.

My wife did a review for anal eze not too too long ago. In short, it didn't really do anything to help. It was slick to be sure and after giving her a couple of orgasms, we applied it and then we used other lube(lots of lube). The thing is that it didn't really work for her. Not only that, but when you think about it, the point of pain is to let you know soemthing is going wrong. Something that takes away that very important signal isn't really a good idea. Where you've already read Mikayla's article on anal, there isn't much that I can add being a newbie to this, but I will say that the few times we've played anally there was no pain and only very little discomfort. The trick is, keep it slow, keep it lubed, and learn to relax. If you can't relax, you won't have a good time of it. Thurisas

While you haven't laid down a lot to work on, lets see what we can come up with. You say that she only likes straight sex even though you've tried to approach it in other ways... I guess my biggest question would be, have you talked to her about this outside of the bedroom where she isn't pressured to have an answer right then and there? Do you know how she feels about sex in general? When you first got together and were having sex, was it different at that point or is it the same now with less frequency? For right now, I think communication is the key to see what she would be up for before even getting into the bedroom(or staircase, or bathroom, or where ever you decide to go at it). Not only will this get you both on common ground but it can start building a suspence and energy that will translate during sex. Hope this helps and I'm sure many others will pipe in soon. Thurisas.

For me its a nice pair of panties and a half-cut t-shirt. Thurisas.

I believe it has not so much to do with age as it does with arousal. The hornier and more aroused you are, the harder you tend to ejaculate. When you're younger, a stiff breeze can excite you and as a result you're more primed and ready to release. As you become more experienced with the world and what does and doesn't excite you, you have a harder time getting the same gusto for the same old same old. I know from personal experience that when I encounter something new that excites me that I can still hit my upper chest...looking at the old Playboy collection though? Not so much. Thurisas.

The one thing that I see here that is glaring at me is that you make no mention of any real amount of foreplay and no real amount of playing before he puts in. Massaging the legs to get you to relax is all well and good, but it would seem to me that he's a little left or a little right of the most important place to be massaging. One of the best ways for you to relax is to orgasm. The best way for you to do that is for him to help you. I can only hope he's going down on you and staying there for a good long time to prime you. Especially if he's big you'll want some time for those muscles to relax. Another thing is lube. Lots of it. You're already tensing, and considering your medical history and the lack of comfort, I expect this might happen for a time yet until your body and mind connect to allow you to enjoy. You have to learn to relax yourself. Even if I don't, someone else here will suggest you do your kegel exercises. You should be doing that anyway just for the simple fact that it makes sex tons more pleasurable for both of you. Another idea is for you to be on top more often, facing him so you can brace your hands on his chest. This can give you the control to take him in however you want to, however deep you want to, however fast you want to. Lastly, keep in mind that most women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation. You may need to keep that toothbrush handy, or a toy from Too Timid here. Hopefully some of this helps. I'm sure others more knowlegable will give more advice. Thurisas.

I have to agree, communication is the key but first, you have to have the courage to do that much. Talking to your partner is the only way to find out what they like and to let them know what you like. As far as a good place to start, you might go with a hand-job. This is probably the action your husband knows best as to how to get himself off. After he teaches you how to do that properly you're setting up a pattern of success. The more success, the more confidence, the more confidence, the more expirimentation. Above all, though, don't be afraid to make mistakes. Chances are you're going to be fairly careful while you're playing down there so it isn't likely that you'll be hurting him, you just have to pay attention to what is getting the good reactions and what isn't. Paying attention and listening to both the verbal and non-verbal communication is essential. Thurisas.

My best suggestion is still a hotel, but not for 5 nights. Pick one night in the latter part of the time he'll be home. Between the time he gets there and the time that you go for your night at the hotel, you can start building the mood. Flirtatiousness and suggestive comments for days before release could be exactly what you need to prime yourself and drive him absolutely wild. Be the tease always alluding to what might or will happen during your time alone. Frequent touching when you find those brief moments alone amidst the people about you will also build the energy for what could become a fairly explosive night. Maybe the more you fantasize and build to your night out, the higher your libido will be. Also, even though you don't feel comfortable having sex with others about, that doesn't mean that you can't still fool around quite a bit. This will also get you and your husband charged for the night when you can finally release yourselves. I'm sure you'll find times when you're alone with some privacy, take advantage of it. Another thought is seeking out a secluded spot. I don't know your situation there, but where I live there are thousands of places around us where we can find a secluded spot (granted, with 14 wooded acres owned its easier for us) to have some great outdoors sex. If you can get far enough away from people, you can even kind of let loose. The idea of a new experience (if it is a new one) can help to jumpstart your desire. I'm sure there are others out there who will have great advice, this is just what popped into my mind. Thurisas.

Wow, quite the post. I know you weren't looking for answers here, but some things just struck me as similar to my own situation a while back. My wife and I went through a dry spell that was infinitely dryer than yours seems to be. We were lucky to have missionary sex once every few months let alone anything else. The major problem in our case, however, was a long time in the making and much of it had to do with me. When our relationship started, we were pretty well the typical sexual jackrabbits. We'd have sex pretty well daily, many times more than once. Life was good and you get into that routine. As time went on, life got in the way, stress levels rose, and the sex tapered off. Once things got more stable again I expected life to go on as it had. I started hinting toward sex more and more...actually, alot. The thing is that while I was interested all the time and less stressed, she wasn't. My requests grew more frequent and I think she started getting really put off by the whole idea of sex in general. I was lucky if we were doing it once every few months. Eventually, I myself got the hint that I really was asking too much and finally stopped altogether. I became very good friends with my hand again and just let her have her space where that was concerned. Then the darndest thing happened, we started having sex once a month...then about once a week...then the expirimentation started back up...then the toys made an appearance. We now do it when the mood strikes and no pressure is on either of us to perform. If she isn't in the mood, she isn't. I don't pester her anymore and more than likely we're having fun the next day. I've even learned that I can sometimes pique her interest for sex throughout the day while I'm at work with texts and phone calls that skirt around the subject but make it obvious that I'm thinking about her. So, I guess what I'm asking is how hard are you trying to pursue these things and is it possible your chase is putting her off? From the looks of the things you have said, there's a lot more going on there than what I've suggested, but hey, outside of counseling, it might be a start. Thurisas.

Feel free to have a happy and safe 5th too...after all, the 4th shouldn't be the only day you're happy and safe. Thurisas.

Welcome to Too Timid. Well, you've got quite the history there. I expect there will be quite a bit of feedback. I'm sure you'll find many of the answers you're looking for here...and perhaps some you didn't want. First off, congratulations on the new toy. It isn't that long ago that I myself could never have seen myself playing with toys along with my wife or alone. Becoming familiar with it yourself is probably a good idea anyway so that you can teach your husband what best suits you. Once he's in on the fun, though, watch out...there are times when I'm absolutely relentless with my wife. As far as your husbands ED, many things can contribute. It just takes one time happening to start that downward spiral. He probably feels stressed every time it happens now and that affects things. This isn't an excuse, though, foreplay should still be happening. If done right, he won't be thinking about his problem and he just might pull through and rise to the occasion.. Each success will make him more confident and think about it less. Also, where he's working an overnight shift there are a couple of other things that can be causing his trouble. For starters, he sounds like he's trying to stay awake during the day on his off days. This can put a huge strain on the body and his system and could certainly cause troubles. Either psychological or physical, it's great he had the courage to go get himself checked out. There was a time when my wife and I had a dry spell as well. I know how tough that can be and hopefully with your husbands odd schedule he's making the time to be with you as well. Its great that you pulled through even if your way of doing so wasn't ideal. On that note...it sounds like you've recently been starting to reconnect with your husband as recently as this weekend. As it stands, you're currently violating his trust. You're setting your relationship up to fail. If your husband is truly your best friend then you should probably lay all the cards on the table. The results may not be what you want, but it gives you a starting point to find your footing again. You say you enjoy the thrill of the chase, perhaps this should be they prey you chase and counseling is a good suggestion. This is assuming you even want the relationship to continue of course. Anyway, feel free to ask questions, there are plenty of helpful, intelligent people here who can give a world of help. Once again, welcome to the board. Thurisas.

The silliest thing in our bedroom is the stuffed animals...not just any stuffed animals, glow in the dark stuffed animals. Believe it or not, even though they've been there forever, when the lights go out and I'm crawling into bed I always notice them again as if for the first time and every night like clockwork I can't help but say "huh, they glow." Thurisas.